Hiya All

this is the second message I have written to introduce myself as deleted last one as was a load of rubbish.. Please excuse spelling etc and lack of capitals as I am trying to do this at work as have no PC at home!!! I have been suffering panic attacks for a few years but it didn't really affect my life(believe it or not!!) I would have the attack clam down and it would be over in about 15 minutes.

For the last year however it is alot worse and happening on a daily basis . I am scared of everything. My throat felt tight for days and I felt like I was being stangled. I went to the doctors who gave me anti biotics and beta blocker (think the anti biotics were just in case I had an infection (which I didn't)) Anyway my throat would be tight and I would have an attack I couldn't breathe and got balckndots in front of my eyes. Things then went from bad to worse. I started thinking about allergies (must have been subconcious at first) I will no longer touch peanuts or anything that has traces of peanuts (i check backs of packets etc) I cannot touch prescribed drughs in case I have a reaction (seem to get itchy with anti biotics and convince myself I am allergic and stop taking them!! I don't know if i really am allergic or it is my imagination!!

I am scared of smells of insects of everything. I am scared of eating things i have had eaten for years. I have started to feel as if I am 'not in my body' kind of floaty (if that makes sense) I won't go near anyone who has eaten anything I am afraid of (which can be anything at any time)

I seem to look for things that can hurt me. I know rationally they cant but it does not stop the panic and I will not touch them. This list is not exhaustive but feel like I am going mad. I need constant reassurance from people I am not crazy and If I put somethibng in a weird place (e.g I found a dishtowel under the sink and i freaked out I kept on saying to my boyfriend did u put that there. I thought if i had put it there then I was truly going crazy (looking at it rationally if u are doing more than one thing at at time things tend to get mixed up)

Anyway I am getting cognitive therapy but it is early days

Doctor tried to give me anto depressant but I can't take paracetomal (which i have taken on many occasions so there is no way i can touch something like AD's

Sorry if i have waffled on but I was so glad I have found this forum as I thought (and still think) i am having some sort of breakdown

The strange thing is anyone I have told (no 'normal' person understands) all say they thought I was the most laid back person as I don't seem to get stressed)

Just so you know I am not actually allergic to anything (apart from cats)

(Nicola does this cost anything as I am using works computer???!!)

I will try and post as often as poss
I'm not even giong to read this back I will just post it!!!

Lucky