Freaking out about going out for dinner

[Round in circles]

I don't even know what to write. I want to pour all my panic and fear into this post but I feel so stupid. The meal was my idea. It's meant to be a nice thing for my birthday. It's not nice. It's terrifying. And I have to leave in under an hour. This is messed up. I don't know why it never occurs to me how difficult these things are until they're staring me in the face.

I don't even really have time to be sitting here writing this, but I'm really close to tears and I just had to tell someone. I hate being me sometimes. I really, really do.

[Moley]

Hope that you manage to go out. sometimes when you get over that initial scary thoughts you realise that you can actually have a good time.
You are not alone in feeling the way you do and you are definitely not stupid.

Please give it a go hope you have a fab time will be sending positive thoughts to get you through.

Moley

[Round in circles]

Thanks Moley, I'm trying, I really am. I'm so scared, I feel like throwing up. I'll go. My stupid sense of duty won't let me disappoint my family, but none of them understand how hard this is no matter how many times I tell them. They're all very social people. This is a fun activity for them. And when things get really hard when I'm out, mum just stares daggers at me, willing me to not make a fuss while my sister acts like I'm invisible. I hate this so much. I hate not having a single friend I can take with me so I can have someone on my side.

Urgh, 11 mins to go. Shutting up. *cry*

---------- Post added at 19:13 ---------- Previous post was at 16:40 ----------

It was so bad, it was so so bad. The chicken I got wasn't cooked properly but I was too scared to complain so I ate over half. I tried throwing up in the bathroom but I couldn't get it up. I'm so scared now that I'm going to get food poisoning. Having a full blown panic attack right now, hyper ventilating, the works. All I can throw up is liquid, I don't know what to do. I wish I'd never gone.

[Ryan92]

Hi, the positive thing is you went, remember that . You showed real braveness and you did great . I wouldn't have been able to even go to a restaurant due to my high anxiety, Ive not eaten out in 7 years