Please help me

[Nova84]

I had a trauma 4 weeks ago. I was at a house party and my drink was spiked. I had a terrible reaction to whatever it was spiked with, believed I was dying. I have never been the same since.

My crisis team say I have extreme anxiety. That everything I am experiencing is stress reactions.

I don't feel the same person anymore. I either cry and panic because I am scared I am going to be like this forever or take lorazepam and cry because I feel more normal but it's because of a tablet.

I started on sertraline 50mg three days ago. I take it at night and the only symptoms I have are the worst. My panic is through the roof and my bad thoughts are extreme. I think I might be thinking psychotic thoughts like maybe I died that night and this is hell and feeling like every day is Groundhog Day. I feel like I am going to die any second.

I don't know what to do. This panic and anxiety has completely taken over my life and my mind. I have had suicidal thoughts which is crazy because I am scared of dying but I don't know how much longer I can cope with feeling like this.

[helena8888]

Hi Nova, sorry to hear about your traumatic experience.
You have a good team of doctors and they know what they are doing to make you feel better very soon.
The first days on sertraline can be a bit rough with increased anxiety, this happens to many of us and I struggled a bit at the beginning but 3 weeks down the road I feel better (well today is not a very good day for me but it will pass). When you have suicidal thoughts please don't stay alone and tell yourself you will get better this is just a bad moment. I know when you feel really bad 1 week can be a lifetime but hang on there. Did your doctors proposed any therapy for you ? This can be very helpfull.
Please give us some news. Take care

[Nova84]

Thanks Helena for taking the time to reply. I was actually doing okay before I started the antidepressants. I had a couple of good days where I got showered and dressed and didn't go into any anxiety attacks. Then I started the sertraline and I am back to how I was a week or so ago. I'm scared to get up and start the day. I don't want to have to take the lorazepam but I know I am going to have to.

I am seeing someone at the crisis centre today and will discuss treatment options. I really need some therapy, a lot happened to me in this last year. I had a cancer scare, was in an abusive relationship for seven months which ended a few days after being spiked and cut my wrist in December. I'm a mess and I'm terrified the sertraline won't work.

[helena8888]

Nova if you doctors advised you to start sertraline it is because they think you need it. Before I (re)started medication 3 weeks ago I was on a rollercoaster of emotions. One day was good, the next was not, I thought it would go away by itself but it did not. Your docs gave you the lorazepam to ease the side effects of the sertraline at the beginning, you should try it it will help you. I know you are frozen by fear at the moment and I know how hard it is. But be confident that sertraline is working for many of us here and it will work for you as well.

[Nova84]

I hope so Helena. I really hope so. My anxiety is worse because we don't know what I was spiked with, and I am constantly terrified that I have some brain damage from whatever it was and I won't get better. Taking tablets is hard for me because it was a drug of some sort that did this to me in the first place. I can't accept how my life has totally changed. I just want to be okay. I have four children and I can't look at them without crying. I'm not the mum I used to be.

[MrAndy]

Hello Nova
be assured you wont have any permanent brain damage,you are also over the worst of it.You can and will get better but it will take hard work and patience.Keep taking the sert and stay positive

[Nova84]

I wish I would accept that mrandy but when the anxiety gets the better of me, I believe it must be the drug that could devastate me so badly, it can't be anxiety surely. I will keep taking the sertraline as I don't know what other options I have but this is utter hell, I can't bear feeling like I'm going to die all the time :(

I'm so glad to read you have been discharged. That must be a great feeling.

[helena8888]

Nova did you talk to your doctor about your fears of brain damage because of the substance that was put in your glass ? They will probably reassure you about that and if they gave you sertraline it is because they think there is no risk for your brain. Your fear is talking and I know so well that it is so difficult to think straight when you are in such a panic mode. I did take sertraline last october and after a few weeks I was back to the old me. The med + the therapy will help you.

[Nova84]

I told him and he told me because they don't know what I was spiked with there is a 'tiny' chance this could be permanent. I was utterly distraught. I told him if it's permanent I would go kill myself right now. I can't live my life, I am utterly frozen with fear. If it wasn't for my mum giving me food, I wouldn't eat. I really think I would just lie here until things ended.

I can't wait for 2pm. I see the crisis team. I am very close to asking them to admit me to hospital again.

[MrAndy]

I told him and he told me because they don't know what I was spiked with there is a 'tiny' chance this could be permanent. I was utterly distraught. I told him if it's permanent I would go kill myself right now. I can't live my life, I am utterly frozen with fear. If it wasn't for my mum giving me food, I wouldn't eat. I really think I would just lie here until things ended.

I can't wait for 2pm. I see the crisis team. I am very close to asking them to admit me to hospital again.

try and focus only on positives ,how the tablets will help,how you can get support from the crisis team,I was very very ill this time last year and now well on my way to permanent recovery
Hang in there and dont be afraid to ask for help ,heres a hug