Spiralling down...

[cattia]

If you read my last thread you'll know that I just had a miscarriage and it's left me feeling so low and depressed. I can feel my anxiety starting to spiral. When I'm in a bad way I tend to focus my anxieties on my kids which I know is awful. Right now I am convin ed ky two year old has tourettes. He has some vocal tics, he swollen saliva around in his mouth a lot and also does a clicking sound with his tongue. I worried about him having ASD for a very long time but for now I've been more or less able to let that one go because he is so sociable and has such a great imagination. I've done a few screening tests for him and he always comes out no risk so now I've moved on to tourettes. I've known for a while he has these tics but I always assumed it was something he just did that he would grow out of. Now I am fixated on it and all i can do is imagine a future for him where he will have really bad tics that he can't control. My emotions are shot to pieces and I feel totally out of control. I don't know if I should take him to the Dr?

[RoseEve]

Cattia I'm sorry you are having a difficult time. You have to cut yourself a break as you have just suffered a loss. All kids do things we think are strange or different. I used to obsess over my son having ASD. The doctor assured me he is fine but he barely talks and he will be 2 in June. I know he still could be but I don't care anymore because I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. I know you feel the same. So if you are concerned call the doctor but just tell yourself it doesn't matter your son is your son. I'm praying for you

[Worriedwellornot]

Sorry about your loss Cattia, it's bound to cause set backs. When my 2 boys were little I convinced they had allsorts of terrible diseases and was at the Drs so often they saved me an appointment each week. They are now both 19 and 24 and big strapping lads. Try not to dwell too much on the Tourette's and enjoy your child they grow up far too quick x x

[Althea]

cattia, are you getting any help for your grief about the miscarriage? I think it's you, not your son, who could use some assistance right now. Is there a support group you could go to?

[cattia]

Thank you so much for all your kind words. Althea I feel a bit pathetic for being so upset about it. I was only 8 weeks along and first trimester losses are so common, I know so many people who have experienced this, plus I have two healthy children already. I am just left feeling so low about it all. I really want to have a third child but part of me feels like this happened as some sort of sign to tell us not to have any more, especially given how much anxiety I have about the two I already have. That makes me feel even more sad because I do really want another baby and my husband does too but I feel like we are taking a risk having another one. When I was pregnant all the stress of that decision-making was taken away from me but now i am back to square one and have to think about it all over again.

[Althea]

I think you're being pretty hard on yourself there, and I hope you'll reconsider--just because something is common doesn't mean it's terribly sad, or that you're not entitled to your grief over it. You would never say to somebody grieving over the loss of a parent that it's so common and you have another parent anyway, would you? So be as kind to yourself.

I can't say anything about the chances of your future pregnancy, of course, but I think you had a really sharp observation there about the relief of not having to make the decision while you were pregnant. So now not only are you grieving, you feel like you're facing this big decision again. That's a lot to have all at once, and it's no wonder that you're having anxiety. Can you maybe decide not to decide right now? That you're going to deal with your grief and spoil your kids for two months, or six months, and then you'll come back to the question then? At least you'd have made it official that you don't have an answer now and aren't going to for a while--which is absolutely okay.