Hi everyone,

I have come here coz I am fed up of my ocd keeping me awake..I get stuck on the internet..I go round and round searching for stuff..I am totally addicted to Japanese street fashion..This took over after I successfully managed to stop buying books & gave many many away..I am especially worried as I have a moderate migraine condition which I take a high dose of meds for..I know I am making it worse by staying awake until the early hours..It often feels as if I need to see bright pastel pinks etc colours and cute stuff otherwise I will not cope that day..I keep wanting to be different..sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am..I want to be like this fashion or that one maybe..I try to build my version of the look but it never seems to be good enough..I want to be a bit of everything all at once..my head is spinning!

Also there is some kind of strange happenings going on in my home which often unnerve me..Before I say..YES I have seen a psychiatrist..I don't think I have schizophrenia..I don't have flat mood or anything..also 3 other people have experienced stuff my partner the same thing on the same night..There is something in our home..it bangs my pillow at night & feels like this horrible energy is getting close to me & creeping over me, then it holds me fast I can speak & move but its alot of effort..my partner experienced the same on the same night..after which I was so freaked out she wouldn't even tell me at first..I want to note that my head has just touched the pillow when this happens I am fully awake! I have had my home blessed 3 times..I recently found out that a guy was stabbed here..also that there was a suspicious death here.. I have always seen things..a great Nan x4 was a medium..I even hear them..sometimes I feel like they are inside me..I have even felt one move into me..I have felt them around in the daytime too..e only good is my creative side..I have channelled them once during a satanic ritual..I have a background in the occult..ocd causes everything bad..thI now go to church..they are more supportive there than any mental health team I have seen..I sleep with my bible beside me and my rosary in my hand..we have a nightlight..I am not showing them any fear anymore!..next week I am getting deliverance ministry & hope this will all end..However I am scared what if it doesn't go?..This is not something that happens every night it comes and goes..but its hard to settle at night..even my priest has now admitted he felt something here..Its very difficult for me to move home as I need a walk in shower for other health reasons..also I am not sure that its attached to my home it could be attached to me..I am lucid, thinking straight turning things over in my mind as I type this & thinking either you are all gonna think I am crazy or think I am making this up..neither I promise..I want to be able to find a way to get to a point where I can know enough to even semi fix myself..but maybe I should place this in God's hands..

I want to be able to walk away from my laptop & sleep before 1 or 2 am..I want to love cute things but make them coz I can knit & crochet..

Thanks for reading