back to college thursday after 3wks off..dreading it!

[Gemlou78]

I still don't feel right but I know if I want to finish my course I have to..problem is it's hairdressing which means upbeat conversation with clients and concentration which im struggling to maintain even at home. I'm paranoid my classmates will think im weird because im not sure im that good an actress to keep up a positive facade all day...plus the sweats I still get and lack of coordination/organisation!
I had a manic day last week which ended up with me arranging to have a bearded dragon I saw a friend advertise on Facebook...we don't really have room for it so I started frantically changing the house around to try make room. I was hyper all day then totally crashed out at 8pm. The doc said it can be a side effect but that if it keeps happening to go back before my next appointment.
I just don't feel ready for people outside my immediate family but have no choice. I know id regret not finishing my course once im better!
Has anyone else had the odd manic day on cit/ impulsive behaviour?

[Marty_67]

Hey there. How long have you been on Cit?

I had an awful time just before and over Xmas, I really did not want to be around anyone, work or play - even family was hard at times. I suffered with paranoia and over analysing terribly. I stopped going on Facebook and stopped going out. However, three months on and with the Cit...I am ready to be around others again.

I feel ready to get on with life again after suffering before the Cit and then with the various side effects when I started taking it. I have a clear head and I am enjoying being around others again at work, play and at home.

I have suffered with the odd manic day but I tried to roll my sleeves up and get on with it. Not easy but I tried. I always find that being around others and keeping busy takes my mind off stuff and helps me.

You really sound like you want finish this course...you should do it!!!

Good luck, let us know how it goes mate.

Marty

[Gemlou78]

Hi Marty, im just over 3 weeks in. I have some days where I can laugh along with my family at home..but I get flustered, clumbsy, sweaty etc if I have to go anywhere without my partner.
Its a long day too...9-7. I dreamt I had a panic attack in front of everyone. I know its the anxiety disorder trying to convince me but the thought of anyone seeing me like that terrifies me.
I want to want to be around others...but in all honesty I just still feel more safe and at ease at home. I suppose to get better I do need to push myself by going back...thank you for replying Marty x

[Marty_67]

Good morning! I know what you mean about being at home, totally. It's the same with me.

Hope it goes well for you, keep in touch

[jillyb]

Good luck for Thursday. As I said before, maybe immersing yourself in your course will be a good thing for you. I know it's easier to be at home but, if you're like me, you probably spend too much time thinking. I had an awful day yesterday. Very anxious, very tearful, feeling I've gone backwards and generally awful. My husband said I've got to push myself to do more as I'm obsessing about my stomach issues again. I know he's right but it's so hard. I'll be thinking of you and hoping you can cope, which I'm sure you can! Good luck and I'm looking forward to seeing your 'I did it' post! X

[Gemlou78]

Aww thanks both of you. It weird how something that used to be so normal..and enjoyable has become a thing of fear and feels like a mountain.
I was like that yesterday too Jilly. Probably because I was obsessing over college. My clenching jaw was really bad and had to take valium.
I will let you know how it goes. I hope you both have a good day today. X

[Marty_67]

Having an ok day today! My job is very people orientated so whilst I am around people I dont tend to stress too much.

I bought some Complex B Vits today and will see how I go with those. They assist energy and metabolism apparently.

Just remember, mountains are there to be climbed and conquered!!! Once you have conquered it then it's a sweet, sweet feeling on the way down!!!

Keep the faith

---------- Post added at 13:22 ---------- Previous post was at 13:15 ----------

Mean't to add, the clenching and other side effects will go/reduce! I was very paranoid at 3 weeks in!!!

[jillyb]

Hope everything goes well for you today at college. X

[Gemlou78]

I didn't make it I feel like such a failure :'( I was so flustered this morning I think I took 2 propanalol instead of one. I got my little one ready and got the bus..then the tram..started to cry silently but then whilst walking to the childminders the crying became uncontrollable, I started sweating bad and breathing felt off.
The childminder is my partners aunt she made me a cup of tea and told me to ring the doctor but its always engaged..she has brought me home and is keeping my little one for the day incase I manage to get an appointment.
I feel like I've let everyone down including myself! I don't know what to say to college I think I will lose my funding. I actually hate myself right now :'(

[jillyb]

You've let nobody down. It's obviously just a bit too soon. We're still in the early days of our citalopram too and having some side effects. You mustn't feel bad, instead try and focus on the fact that you managed to get to the childminders. I hope you can get an appointment with your GP today. I imagine he will sign you off for a bit longer to give some time for the cit to really kick in. Go gentle on yourself, it's no good beating yourself up about it. I know that if I had written your post you would have replied to me and have been be so supportive and kind ...that's how you must speak to yourself! X