"Fired" by therapist!

[Dying_Swan]

Hello everyone

I'm feeling a bit horrible at the moment. In December I was suffering terrible anxiety and I rang an organisation who would provide me with 6 sessions of phone counselling. They said they would call within 2 days, although it was around 3 weeks later. Anyway, I decided to go with it figuring I had nothing to lose. How wrong I was.

After the 2nd or 3rd session, I began to realise that the therapist was hitting on some really raw nerves, opening up some old wounds I hadn't thought about in a long time. I was a bit of a loose cannon when I was younger, and it brought up all these feelings of being a bit wild. In a way, it made me feel a bit more alive, although I was wary and made sure I didn't put myself in situations where I might behave in an unacceptable way.

So, I started feeling strangely attached to this therapist, just a voice on a phone, but one who seemed to be able to tell a lot about me. I asked him if he would be willing to take me on as a private client. He was reluctant, saying he thought I needed face to face therapy, but he didn't say yes or no. I decided to email him and explain my reasons for asking. In our last of 6 sessions, he agreed he would take me on. We agreed a price, duration etc etc. He told me to email him the things I wanted to address, which I did. A week later I'd heard nothing so emailed again just to see what was happening. He said my aims for therapy were appropriate and we arranged the next session. I felt hopeful and optimistic.

The session was cancelled by him because he apparently got stuck in traffic. I was annoyed but appreciate that these things happen. A further session was arranged for a few days later.

So he called earlier this week and just said "I need to say something". He just said my problems were far too significant for him to deal with on the phone and that he couldn't help me. I tried to argue but it was no good and he practically slammed the phone down on me. There were no referrals to anyone else. Not even any suggestions. Admittedly, I did say I was not going to see anyone else.

Since then I have felt terrible - humiliated, ashamed and hopeless. I feel like I've been dragged backwards through a hedge with no-one to help me get up. I have looked him up on the internet and he's really experienced with quite severe mental health problems, so I'm now questioning my own sanity. I know I have anxiety problems, but I've never before felt terrified that maybe there is something seriously wrong with me. We discussed my issues with trusting people. That almost makes me want to laugh now.

My anxiety has reappeared massively and I'm waking up each morning feeling utterly despairing and sick to my stomach. I really don't know what do to. I thought about emailing him again to tell him how bad he's made me feel, but I don't know if there's any point, and if I get a horrible email back I'll just feel even worse. I have looked at private therapists locally but they are expensive and I'm so scared they'll ditch me too.

I'm sorry for this. I'm feeling very lost and alone and I don't know where to turn.

Thanks for letting me pour this out.

[Annie0904]

I was referred by my doctor for therapy and when the therapist read 'my life story' she said that she wasn't qualified enough to deal with my problems and referred me for intense psychotherapy. It may be best if you ask your doctor to refer you. The counsellor you spoke to is probably right that phone consultations are not right for you. He may also have been in breach of conduct by offering to take you on as a private client so that is why he cancelled.

[Dying_Swan]

Thank you Annie so much for your reply. I am going to see my GP on Monday to tell him about all of this, so I will ask him what else is available locally.

I just decided to call up the organisation's 24 hour helpline, and it was useful. I told the counsellor everything that has happened for me lately and how awful I've been feeling. He said that I'm not mad, I was speaking coherently etc etc, so that has at least made me feel a little bit more "normal", whatever that may be. He's also told me to see my GP, to do a medication review and to ask again about local counselling/psychotherapy. He said the same as you - that the other counsellor would have been in breach of contract by taking me on privately. I just wish he'd said that in the first place. Anyway, the helpline is also going to refer me to the main centre to see what they can offer.

Thanks again. How did you find the intense psychotherapy? Has it been useful for you?

[Annie0904]

The intense Psychotherapy worked really well for me. It helped me to change my thoughts and how I felt about past traumatic events.

[MyNameIsTerry]

The organisation should have a complaints procedure to address. There are also various regulation bodies, albeit not industry bodies, that the therapist may be a member of.

There is a code of conduct with these organisations so the therapist understands the boundaries.


Its unfair that you have been led on but please dont see it as your issue, its the therapists fault.


Can you access free services via your GP? There are charities funded by the NHS for such as CBT in my area which are then self regulated inline with their grants for the GPs to refer to. CBT is a face to face therapy over about 12-14 sessions. I know in my region the waiting time for Level 4 (psychotherapy) is 12 months so the CBT sits at Level 3 witu a 3 month wait after self help at Level 2 which is 5 telephone sessions.


Regions differ and GPs can be inconsistent but worth a look. See is Rethink mention anything.


If you have to go private, using the BACP register is advised as the most self regulated organisation of therapists & counsellors.

[Dying_Swan]

Annie - that's great that you found it helpful. May I ask what sort of issues you took to the psychotherapy? And was it on the NHS?

Thank you MyNameIsTerry. I really appreciate your reply. And thank you for saying it is not my fault. It's amazing how you can end up feeling like you've done something awfully wrong in situations like this.

The thought of making a complaint did cross my mind but in fairness, he was very professional apart from this sudden change of mind, which I think was dealt with very badly.

I finally spoke to my Mum yesterday and told her what's been going on. She was surprisingly understanding and I think she's going to help me find someone. The first step is seeing the GP tomorrow and will take it from there.

Thank you again.

[Dying_Swan]

Well the counselling organisation rang me (because I had called their helpline) and said they have spoken with the counsellor and he's denied ever agreeing to take me on privately. I explained that I had emails to suggest otherwise, and they want me to send them in. I've declined as the last thing I want is for him to get into trouble. I told them he was very good and professional and that I had pushed for further sessions, and that maybe I had just misunderstood. Now I feel even worse. So guilty, like I created this whole sorry mess by asking for more sessions. I was mortified that they called him. I rang the helpline because I was in crisis, not to make a complaint. I don't understand why I'm finding this so hard to deal with.

I saw my GP on Monday and he offered to refer to IAPT but I said I wanted to see a clinical psychologist because I've had so much CBT before. So I got a name and said I'd go private. I've tried contacting 3 psychologists and only one has got back to me to say he's full at the moment. I hit another crisis yesterday and rang the GP but it seems that unless you are actively suicidal, there is no help. They are now referring to IAPT but that will take weeks. So I managed to get an appointment for an assessment with a CBT therapist at the weekend. At least it's something and maybe she can tell me where to start.

I'm sorry to go on. I have no-one here to talk to about it and this site is like a lifeline. I hope everyone else is doing ok

[Jacsta]

Unfortunately demand for psychologists is high at the moment and waiting lists are long. I think that the counsellor over the phone probably had good intentions in wanting to help you, but in the end felt under qualified to help....it is a good thing that this was realised sooner than later. My advise is to follow the GPs lead and go for the cbt again, it may help, it may not, but it is the process to get you referred onto more help if you need it...and you said yourself that the counsellor over the phone started to help...so maybe this time you are ready to move forward?

Keep your foot in the door, be realistic with how quick therapy is going to be, and give yourself a break! You sound like you have made some realisations...if things are getting too much, write thoughts down, as you can always show them to the GP or therapist. Keep trucking away, you will get there, the cure wont come overnight, but little steps will bring you closer.

Hope I have helped, even if in a small way

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Jacsta, thank you so much for your reply. I think that you are right about the phone counsellor's intentions being good, which is why I feel so awful that it's all ended so badly. It is my nature to apologise if I feel I have hurt or upset someone, but now that I can't do that I'm struggling with the guilt. I never, ever wanted anyone to get into any trouble. I just needed some help.

I was trying to see a psychologist privately but am not doing well on that front. Still, I am hopeful about the assessment with the CBT therapist at the weekend. I will also await the help through the NHS as I'll really do anything at the moment to get myself closer to feeling better. It is really helpful that you said that this is the process to getting further help if needed. And I will take your advice about writing things down, as it's really helpful to be able to do that here.

Thanks again, I hope things are going well for you today

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Dying_Swan,

Think of it from another angle.


- he is part of an organisation which will have a code of conduct. He knew what he could and couldn't do from the start.


- he agreed a price and start date.


- he missed the first one but still tried to arrange a new one.


- he failed to follow up by advising you where to for more help.


So, to me this says he either a) made a mistake, realised or was tipped off by a co worker and acted in an unprofessional and cowardly way or b) intended to breach any code of conduct but was tipped or had better offers and again acted in the same manner.


The organisation seem good as they want to investigate despite the fact you havent made a complaint, which you are entitled to, merely mentioned it in asking for more help.


This guy may be innocent or may have tried to obtain business via this organisation. If its mistake, it will be treated as such, but what if it isnt? They may have other complaints which they cant tell you about.


Now you feel guilty about the misconduct of this guy. So, you are clearly a respectful & caring person but you shouldnt be made to feel guilty as you were innocent in all of this.


The most important aspect of a therapist and client agreement is trust.


The government is now discussing regulation of this industry and guys like this wont be able to act unprofessionally without a formal investigation.


I can understand if it makes you worse but if its just feeling guilty, the best way would be to let that go and let them investigate.