help with son re. bullying

[leanne1980]

hiya girls

well im sitting here in tears not knowing what the hell to do, i have had yet another phone call from the school. Sam is 11 and he is actually my brother not my son, and he is a loving sensitive child, well he was until he started Grammar school in september. the reason he is with me is that we lost our mum in 2000 when Sam was 5 and i hav since been legal guardian,

in october i had a call from his form teacher saying that a parent had been in the school complaing that Sam had been calling her son names etc, Gay and other names he also apparently said that his mum was a lesbian, well i had a meeting with the teacher and i thought was all sorted, but then last friday i had a another call saying that he did the same again but to another child, it was tit for tat and he wasnt in trouble but they needed to make me aware, and ive just had another call saying that he has been calling a boy names, the boy says its not bulling but he dosnt like it and quite rightly so, i have got to go in the school again on thursday and they want him to see a councillor,

i feel like a failure, why is he being so cruel, honestly at home he is not like that at all, what do i do, nothing so far has worked, i dont know what punishment to give. he will deny it probably. i feel like pulling him out of the grammar school and putting him in secondary school maybe he is more suited there, i dunno. i think because the kids at his school are posh and loaded and we are not Sam stands out like a sore thumb and so do i.

any suggestions any1? please im just so upset

leanne xx


i just wanna feel normal

[normalwisdom]

Leanne

Firstly you are not a failure, you have taken on a big responsibility good for you.

As for the name calling I'm afraid "boys will be boys", I know its not nice to be called names or know that your brother is the one doing it, he is at the age where he likes to test people and that is just what he is doing! They say he is not a bully and thats a good thing.

I would wait and see what they say on Thursday don't beat yourself up about it wait until you know all of the facts.

((((((hugs for you))))))))

Steph

[yorkylover]

Hi Leanne,you are not a failure.You have taken on alot of responsability,and can only do your best.Like Steph said boys will be boys!!!!!!Counselling may do him some good.He may need to off load.
Hes not a bully which is good.Dont get so down.You are doing your best.

Ellen XX

[Chopper]

Leanne,

This isn't the 'P.C.' answer others might post, but ...... would you/your brother rather be the victim of bullying?

A young kid, recently bereaved, possibly subject to taunts or physical abuse ....... or a boy becoming a man in a tough world taking no sh*# from his contemporaries?

Boys WILL be boys and life throws us all many punches, the trick is to throw more than your opponent and avoid as many of his as you can.

Explain to the lad that he shouldn't throw his weight around or verbally 'bully' others, but stress to him that he's got to stand on his own two feet and if he does, well, 'impose' himself on others he's going to be the one to bear the consequences, no-one else.

Happiness and light to all,
'Chopper'



I saw her once, one little while, and then no more:
’Twas Eden’s light on Earth a while, and then no more.
Amid the throng she passed along the meadow-floor:
Spring seemed to smile on Earth awhile, and then no more;
But whence she came, which way she went, what garb she wore
I noted not; I gazed a while, and then no more!

James Clarence Mangan 1803 - 1849

[carlin]

Hi darling, have PM 'd you, but just wanted to say what a very special lady you are..wow! Sometimes things can get a little out of hand with all of this -got to say the right things at the right time, they are kids, they learn new words , and like to use them to annoy other kids to test their authority... then the parents step in and most of the times cause more trouble, speak to other parents, make friends, get advice from them, explain your situation, keep up the continued support you are giving your brother and the schopl, you are doing just fine darling, none of this is anyones fault, he is just a little man and you will all be just fine darling xxxxxxxxxjean

[LickeyEndBlues]

Hi Leanne,
Bullying is a big issue in schools..as well as many other places. Schools are currently receiving lots of help and strategies to cope with this and support the victims as well as the bullies. As a result there will be a heightened awareness at the moment.

I am not trying to play done what is happening but as the one lad suggested its not bullying, it's just something i don't like. While name calling is not nice, it is the easiest way for kids to "fight back" with others and within that both "sexuality" and "put downs of mums" are pretty high on the effectiveness lists!!

Sam is going through a difficult time at the moment having transferred to Grammar School, possibly with fewer mates and therefore a greater need to be accepted.

Speaking with the school staff may help, but be careful not to blow it up out of proportion. From my experience GSs find some levels of perceived behavioural problems difficult as they do not experience them to often.

Happy to chat via PM if you like

Iain

What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

[net]

have you asked him why he does it
and he's just started a new school so he's finding his feet one of the children i look after was horrible for the first 5 months of his new school some of the others were scared of him but now he's everyones friend.
some take longer to adjust and grammar school is a big adjustment if he's not posh but the others are he may feel inferior so he's attacking before he gets attacked.

your not a failure what i would suggest is you make sure he can be honest with you without any repercussions then the lines of communication are open (you probably do this already though)



netty


the dreams of the future are better than the history of the past

[leanne1980]

HI Every1

thank u so much for the responses, it really means alot. well he came home from school and was crying before he even enterted the house, he says that he did call the boy names ie dickhead, and other words i wont repeat, but only because about 2 weeks ago the boy made a comment about my mum being dead, sam said that he and a friend were talking and sam said that he had seen the friends mum yesterday and this lad butted in and said " whos mum? oh yeah it cant be yours can it ?because shes dead"

anyway he said he said nothing at time he just ran off and felt upset but rather than say he upset him he has been calling him names,

i tried to explain that its wrong to call names but i can kinda see why he did it, the poor boy though has probably 4goten he had said this and thinks that sam is just being horrible.

his form teacher pulled him to one side and asked him about the incident and sam just denied it rather than saying what had actually happened, im just hoping he is telling me the truth and its not a plan to get me on side.

i have to go in on thursday but im hoping i can go 2moro to get it all sorted.

thanks again
leanne x

i just wanna feel normal