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Thread: A journey to improvement (I think)

  1. #1

    A journey to improvement (I think)

    I think I'm running out of time... My younger cousins, classmates, relatives
    are graduating and I feel hopeless or frustrated that I can't do anything about
    my paranoia and agoraphobia.

    Well I've been to 2 psychiatrists and 1 psychologist. They always reminded me to
    go out some more. But what about how to handle the panic? How to control my
    urges? One said I just need to seat closest to the door of the classroom
    if ever I want to "escape". Is "escaping" all it takes for me to not panic?

    I'm the one who suggested if I can do CBT, she said we can discuss it (soon).
    AH.. I am just angry why can't they give me some more practical advice in stuff
    like this..

    Whenever I go to the mall, I always wear my earphones so that I won't hear
    those "whispers". It helps greatly but people kept staring at me :( (I don't
    want to stick out). I feel this "avoidance" started when I was in HS.
    I didn't try really hard to reach out to anyone, I guess. But I believe I
    did though I was probably ignorant or naive in some situations.. Like
    always getting into embarrasing sh** like I got a stain when I had my period
    (someone even said gross...) Or slouching when I walk (I got the nickname
    hunchback eventhough I had no hump, just mild droopiness because of muscle
    stress), and some nicknames.. I also walk weirdly and I heard someone call me
    that I'm pregnant once (eventhough I never had a lover!!!)

    I don't know if it's really
    bullying. My mom said it isn't. But remembering all those bad memories
    makes me want to cry all night. It's like I abhor social events when my
    parents make me go with them to some party. My mom remembered I was shaking
    and don't smile once (I don't shake anymore though). I became so overtly
    sensitive, it's like a disagreement about me would just "trigger" the
    stress in me.

    As of going out, I'm fine in libraries, or any private spaces where people don't
    usually go to. But when there's a whole bunch of groups of students, I tend
    to avoid them. I know I must not let that hinder my progress, and so I will
    try to be more patient with myself eventhough I'm having all kinds of
    paranoia and bad times (please wish me luck orz)
    And for some reason, I am fine with adults or old people haha Maybe it's
    because I just hate children and teenagers, or same age like me (all of them are
    eeeevviilll to me

    I'm trying to lose weight right now, and find some workshops just so I can prepare
    myself for college (if that happens). I really want to study, and I want
    to pursue my passion in life! I'll try to go out everyday so I'll keep
    this thread like a journal for my journey.

    ---Also, if anyone has some tips on how to stop sweating and being
    smelly especially the armpits and feet or even stopping the farting I WOULD TOTALLY APPRECIATE IT.. Like greatly :')

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    1,008

    Re: A journey to improvement (I think)

    Hellooo PhobicStudent,

    The only thing I can relate to here is the being around certain age groups, I find it pretty hard to be around anyone my age because of a fear of them looking at me (older/younger people tend to be more understanding). Although I'm starting to expose myself to that and I'm getting more comfortable with it.

    If I was you I would ask to do exposure therapy with your psychiatrist/psychologist. it'll slowly erode all of those irrational fears you have, which combined with CBT will greatly reduce that anxiety of yours.

    Also don't force yourself to do things, just gently build up. Anxiety is like any other illness, you need rest and treament. Good luck!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    1,637

    Re: A journey to improvement (I think)

    I was sooo shy when i was a teenager it was ridiculous. It actually stopped me pursuing my passion so definitely pursue yours!!
    Lose the slouch, hold your head up wherever you go, this has a feel good effect, trust me.
    Tea tree is good for smelly feet, especially the foot powder. I've had the same pair of Vans for 2 years, and no stinkiness lol. Being anxious makes you sweat, so just keep washing armpits and use deodorant.
    Eat healthy and slowly for your other problem.
    I've been where you are, it can get better

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    336

    Re: A journey to improvement (I think)

    Online workbooks can be useful,

    http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

    Click on workbooks on LHS

  5. #5

    Re: A journey to improvement (I think)

    @LunaLiuna:
    It's fine, in fact I'm just happy you can relate in some way and find the time to comment.
    yea I'm planning to go out at least everyday. Be it just buying stuff or staying outside for half hour or so.

    Ah, thanks for that. I seem to notice I'm being too impatient and doing it too hastily haha.

    @Phuzella:
    I need to work on my self-esteem and be more positive.
    Thanks for the tip, I will try it out.
    I seem to have a sensitive smell to other odors... I think it's due to my anxiety as well. Have you already got over your phobia? What was your college life like?

    @KLP:
    Thank you very much! This will be a great help and I truly appreciate this, wonderful lady.


    Alright, I've been to my psychiatrist. She said that my anxiety is not really from Agoraphobia, it may not be agoraphobia I may be dealing with. She still doesn't know what it is, or the cause. She gave me more anxiety meds to help my anxiety. I felt a little better when I told her all about my past experiences that could lead to this "problem". And I am a bit worried about the meds even though the anti-anxiety is for a month.
    I made a mistake and took 2 Xanors/Xanax... :( I was feeling really drowsy. And had nightmares.

    Yesterday, I bought my medicine even though there were lots of people in the store. I didn't use my earphones at that time.
    But I had a lil' disagreement with my parents when we got home and felt a bit emotional. I was feeling it because of the new meds, I suppose.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    83

    Re: A journey to improvement (I think)

    PhobicStudent... you have made the first and probably most important step... seeking help! And I think all young people have some of the worries that you do (although most wouldn't be so open about such things). I wish you well in tackling your issue. You sound like an intelligent young lady and I reckon you'll do well!

    Nice choice Phuz, I need a new pair of Vans too. Mine are falling apart lol

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