Changing tablets!! feeling scared :-(

[dudka]

Dying Swan- I have to ask you a question: are you male or female? I need to know that that I can imagine you in my mind as I'm writing)

An hour ago I took oxazepam because I just couldn't stand it any longer. need to go to GP tomorrow to ask for more oxazepam for the rest of the week, just in case. Todays feelings: night sweats, vivid dreams, 3 hours sleep, depersonalization, derealisation, feeling on the edge, feeling that I' ll die or I'm already dead but I just don't know it- stupid- I know), blurred vision etc. so nothing really new. I try to keep positive and imagine myself in couple weeks time feeling happy, and by 'happy' I mean normal. that is my concept of happiness now Although I don't know if I'll survive till tomorrow and what I'll do if Citalopram will not work for me? looking for new meds again? No, I don't even go there. Kim and Dying Swan-I think about you often so keep me updated. It's a shame that we don't live in the same place- it would be fun)

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Dudka. I'm female, 30 years old

Sounds like you had a bit of a rough day. Did the oxazepam help? Nothing you've said sounds stupid at all. I remember them telling me it could take 6 weeks for the side effects to settle down with Citalopram, although hopefully it will be sooner. Are you going to see your GP tomorrow? I'm also taking Diazepam. I tried increasing it up to 2mg but it just knocked me out so I've gone back to 1mg at the moment. I guess that with all these antidepressants, it's a process of trial and error, but let's keep everything crossed that you'll soon feel better on the Citalopram and they won't switch you again. What dose are you on?

I finally decided to drag myself upright and go out for a walk about 6pm. I felt quite strange - very jumpy and tired and starting to get the derealisation/depersonalisation. I was expecting this as this is how I always know if I've forgotten to take my Citalopram. Absolutely dreading the next 3 days with nothing, but I guess I'll get through it.

I think it's really important, like you said, to try to stay positive and just think that in a few weeks we'll hopefully be feeling a bit more human! Are either of you having any therapy or other treatment at all?

Kim - I hope you are ok. Will keep everything crossed that your GP appt goes well tomorrow

[dudka]

Dying Swan, I'm happy to hear that you went for a walk No avoidance- that's good I went to shop today and felt so dizzy and depersonalised- I barely found what I was looking for. but tomorrow I've got plans to go for swimming with my daughter- we'll see how that will go . I hope I won't drown:P I'm taking 5 mg of oxazepam three times a day to calm me down a little but still it's not a big dose- it does help but not as much as I would like to. And I'm on 10 mg of Citalopram at the moment. I go to therapy- once a week and privately. but to be honest I don't find the therapy working too good for me. Maybe because my therapist is going too much into my childhood and I really don't like going back there. I don't have nice memories and that's very painful. What about you? Do you have any therapy? I forgot to tell you that venlafaxine is a very good antidepressant. I originally come from Poland ( that's why you have to forgive me any mistakes in writing) and back there anxiety is treated by psychiatrists only, not by GP's .So my psychiatrist said that venlafaxine is really really good - it was good for me for quite a long time but it just stopped working and as I said higher dose was too high for me. So don't be afraid of that med Let me know both how you are doing as I'm very curious have a good peaceful night, xx

[kim22]

Hiya my lovelies!!

Keep your chin up Dudka, starting citalopram is bloody hard and if you can even imagine yourself going swimming tomorrow your doing well!! All the negative and unwanted thoughts and feeling wont last forever....i promise!!!

Dont know how im gunna sleep tonight knowing my appoitment is in the morning but i will let you both know what hes gave me!!

Stay strong and posative!!!

Goodnight both
xx

[Emphyrio]

Changing meds is annoying. I've switched meds several times over the past couple of years but with no success. I just don't seem to get on with SSRIs at all - a trip to the psychiatrist is in order I think :(

I have also tried to go med-free a couple of times but that didn't work - I guess I need to have the right things in place before I try it again...

[dudka]

Kim, what about your tablets? let me know, please.
I've seen the doctor today - I think I'm his favourite patient couse I come so often lately and every time I ask him the same question: do you think I'm dying because I feel so? and he's just laughing. He gave me more oxazepam pills (30) but he said it's the last time he's prescribing me them :(((((( Also he said that in 7 days I should increase the dose of Citalopram to 20 mg because he's sure that 10 mg won't be enough:( It's my third day today and I feel dreadful. going for swimming it's just beyond my imagination. Although I really wanted to go because of my daughter. But it has to wait till I will be better. Went to sleep at 4 am, couldn't sleep and I was watching new Hobbit and that wasn't the best idea because even that makes me so scared. Every time Bilbo Baggins puts the ring on and he's in different reality it feels like that's best description of my anxiety I should change my nick on Bilbo Baggins
Dying Swan, how are you today? Write something, please. And by the way, what do you do girls? Are you working? How do u usually spend your days - is it only me so being so useless all the time

[Dying_Swan]

Hi guys

Kim - how did you get on at the doctor's? I hope today has been a good day for you?

Emphyrio - I am sorry to hear that you've had so many changes of medication. That must have been hard to deal with. How do you get to see a psychiatrist? Do you go privately?

Dudka - sounds like we were both up all night! I can imagine that the Hobbit would have been a bit freaky in a state of anxiety! I was watching the news about the missing plane which I just find so sad. I think your English is amazing by the way. My Polish is non-existent! It's interesting to hear that anxiety is treated by Psychiatrists in Poland and not GPs. I'm glad you got to see your doctor - he sounds supportive? I am also lucky to have a very good GP. I have just started CBT again (3rd time!). I was having some counselling on the phone but that was also talking about a lot of stuff from my childhood and I found that quite difficult. When it finished my anxiety went crazy because I didn't know what to do with all the emotions it had brought up. I think that was just the trigger though really. But I'm putting my hopes into the CBT. Have only had one session so far, have the next one on Saturday.

Sorry that you didn't get to go swimming, but that's ok and I'm sure you will when you're feeling a bit more stable on the Citalopram. I've done nothing today. I was awake until 6am and then slept until 10, then slept again most of the afternoon. Not feeling great today - sick, a bit dizzy, tired and jumpy. I do usually work but I'm off sick at the moment, trying to get over this latest episode of anxiety. You are not useless at all!!

Hang in there people, I'm sure we'll get through this

[kim22]

Hiya Ladies!!

So been the docs and got tablest, i start them saturday have to have a day tomoz without anything !! So hes given me 75mg of venlafaxine i think thats how you spell it!! Got to take it once daily but have to see him in 2 weeks to maybe increase the dose!! Hes told me that i will feel bad again for a week or so but just gotta manage through!! Am feeling very anxious and emotional about the whole bloody thing!!

Im sorry to hear your having a tough time Dudka!! I am completely with you on it and understand!! If you ever want to private message me maybe we could swap numbers so you can text if you need to!

I do not do anything with myself really....i look after my 4 year old daughter....look after my fella at the minute im on the search for a job!! I dont leave my home town which is a very small one!! I dont go out alone either!! Im pretty lonely!! Seems so sad but this is my life and i hate it thats why i have to change!! I sit a worry about things to a very silly extent!! I have trouble sleeping and when i do manage to sleep i have bloody nightmares :-((((!!

Hows this going with you Dying_Swan?? Have i been prescribed the same tabs as you? If so when do you start yours....we can share our feelings and thoughts :-))

Sending love your way

xxx

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Kim

Glad you finally know which medication you're having! Yep, I'm also starting 75mg Venlafaxine on Saturday! It will be nice to be able to share how we're feeling with them. I'm going to start mine in the evening as they say to take them with food, and I'm not good at eating in the morning! I'm seeing my GP again at the end of next week. I did my first day without any Citalopram today, have to do tomorrow and Saturday too. Felt pretty rough today, quite low and quite bad depersonalisation, dropping things and jumping out of my skin! But am feeling quite a bit better this evening. Keeping everything crossed that we all start to feel better once our new meds kick in!

I'm sure that looking after a 4 year old gives you plenty to keep you busy! Are you able to leave your town with someone else? Sleeping is difficult and I know I find I feel much worse when my sleep is messed up. It's great that you are trying to tackle your anxiety though. Keep it up!

[dudka]

Hiya Kim and Dying Swan It's seems that you are both starting the same meds on the same day As I said before venlafaxine is q quite good med so I really hope that it will work brilliant for both of you.
Dying Swan- thanks for a compliment about my English It made me smile) I'm trying to improve my English all the time- I've been going to English school but I stopped of course because of my dear friend Anxiety I felt the same about talking about my childhood with therapist- I had so many different emotions that I just couldn't deal with them . I was waking up feeling like a small baby left alone in big and scaring world- horrible feeling. How are you today? I really hope that you are better than yesterday. But you know what?- we really don't have much choice at the moment- we have to be prepared to feel rough, depersonalised etc. We' re switching meds at the moment so I thing we have every right to feel very very low. but IT WILL BE BETTER ONE DAY!
Kim- I know how it feels looking after a child when you feel the way you feel. I feel so quilty and frustrated that I can't be better mum- and by 'better' I mean : more happy, less crying. Especially with the weather like this in Wales today- so sunny and warm- we supposed to be out doing different funny things but I really find it so hard :( Girls, I used to be so active and energetic with lots of ideas, I used to go on a gym, I was training kickboxing, swimming etc. So it's so frustrating to me. I don't really have close friends here- I had one but after Christmas when I called her and I said that we're not coming over because I was having panic attack after panic attack she's just stopped talking to me:( She said that I use my anxiety as an excuse and She doesn't really belive me that I'm feeling so rough because I looked normal! never mind. life goes on

---------- Post added at 11:51 ---------- Previous post was at 11:43 ----------

Anyway. I also have troubles sleeping and very vivid dreams ( I mean nightmares) when I manage to sleep. But the good thing is that my appetite is better now than it used to be when I was mixing my doses of venlafaxine- a yoghurt and banana , that was all I could eat .
Anyway, every rough day brings us closer to the good one
Let me know how are you today!

xxx