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Thread: huge ptsd

  1. #21
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    Jan 2014
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    Re: huge ptsd

    Quote Originally Posted by creative1942 View Post
    Hi I have colossal ptsd. Terrible flashbacks about an event in January that has resulted in my daughter divorcing me yesterday. That's a strong word but shes told me over and over again I've ruined her life and the baby has been so ill. I took the babyinto waitrose and asked for hot water for her bottle which was handed to me in a faulty flask. I put the flask, which was also in a jug, onto the buggy to push it to the table but it leaked onto the little baby's leg. I was told I'd never see the baby again. I've begged and begged for two months asking how the baby is but never a word. She told me every time I asked how much it was all myfault and "you did this. My own mother". She texted howmuch she hated me and to stay right away. She said she cried and cried because she wanted to take her place but couldn't. And now, after a skin graft, the baby has to wear pressure garments 23 hours every day on both legs for 2 years. I knew nothing of this. I wasn't allowed any news. That poor baby. I adored her. I've been called evil, insane and hated. I can never see the baby again. She told me in a text last night " I'm sorry but I've lost the last bit of us". That broke me. I only came here from right across the country to care for the new baby when my daughter resumed work. I've got no family, no friends. I'm a retired lady, so utterly distraught and all I do is keep hearing the baby's screams when the water leaked onto her, the huge red leg when I pulled her from the buggy, the ongoingscreams, paramedics, the burns unit, being told to leave the baby and go back home miles and miles away in the pouring rain with no transport. From that moment in the café my life as I knew it changed for ever. So has the baby's, so has her mothers. Sorry this is so long but I don't know how to get rid of the memories or the terrible terrible heartache.
    Reading this, you did not do this deliberately - if you had, it would be understandable. I think its a mother's natural reaction when something bad happens to their child - your daughter is angry and I think, I'm sorry to say this, being harsh that there is no bond between you anymore. The hospital didn't treat you well, either. I feel for you more than what I feel for your daughter, if I'm truly honest. I'm not saying your daughter's a bad person because I know absolutely nothing about her. I think you've been harshly treated, though. You did everything you could to try and mend the rift between yourself and your daughter. As much as it hurts, you should be able to hold your head up high in that respect but perhaps your daughter needs cooling off time? Maybe a good idea is, if you haven't done so already, is to write a letter to her and put your feelings down and if she still acts the same, you've done everything you can and everything correctly. I'm sure deep down your daughter does not mean what she says. You do need to get out there though and meet new people, or at the very least speak to somebody. It could make all the difference, at least in the short-term, which may lead to the long-term as well. I feel so sorry for you and do think, at the risk of repeating myself, you've been harshly treated here. All the best to you.

  2. #22

    Re: huge ptsd

    Thank you for that. I so admire your plain speaking . Yes I've done everything I can. I'm also threatened with blackmailed by her. So she gets to keep all the money I have in the world that I trusted her with. It's a long story. She knows I will be in serious trouble if she spills the beans and no way can I afford to let that happen. I never ever dreamt she would sink to blackmail. Anyway maybe one day I'll be able to be less "soft" and accept that she isn't a nice person to know, daughter or no daughter. Her father who she hasn't seen since she was 7 was EXACTLY the same cold, dismissive, unbearingly callous person. He was able to simply cut anyone out of his life who disagreed with him. He was a very high-up professional high-up but, dare I say, loathed at work. Some say character traits are passed down. I'm not sure if this is true but if it is I have got my answer. I like to live and let live and try to live peacefully and treat people how I would like to be treated. There's no need for people to display the hatred they do. I'll get off my soap box now

  3. #23
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    Jan 2014
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    Re: huge ptsd

    Quote Originally Posted by creative1942 View Post
    Thank you for that. I so admire your plain speaking . Yes I've done everything I can. I'm also threatened with blackmailed by her. So she gets to keep all the money I have in the world that I trusted her with. It's a long story. She knows I will be in serious trouble if she spills the beans and no way can I afford to let that happen. I never ever dreamt she would sink to blackmail. Anyway maybe one day I'll be able to be less "soft" and accept that she isn't a nice person to know, daughter or no daughter. Her father who she hasn't seen since she was 7 was EXACTLY the same cold, dismissive, unbearingly callous person. He was able to simply cut anyone out of his life who disagreed with him. He was a very high-up professional high-up but, dare I say, loathed at work. Some say character traits are passed down. I'm not sure if this is true but if it is I have got my answer. I like to live and let live and try to live peacefully and treat people how I would like to be treated. There's no need for people to display the hatred they do. I'll get off my soap box now
    I re-emphasize my original point... did you mean to harm the child? A resounding no. Blackmail is a very dangerous game, anyway. Now I have a clearer picture, your daughter seems a wrong'un but I don't want to judge as I don't know her, yet she has treated you abysmally. Maybe the absence of a father has had a profound effect on her? Yes you can say he was loathed at work. Many people are. Looks like the traits were passed down. Yeah I mean surely your daughter can see that you didn't intend to harm the child? I just think *ffs*. You've nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to answer to. Let your daughter go down the wrong path and then people will see her for what she is and then we'll see what happens. Probably come back and say 'I'm so sorry' etc. Then she might see what its like to lead a lonely life. What goes around, comes around. Anyways, you concentrate on putting your life back together and if your daughter cannot accept that you didn't intend any hurt, that's her issue, not yours, regardless of the hurt it causes. The world is screwed up and unfortunately, there's not enough people, in my opinion, that give a s*it to do anything about it. Good luck to you. You sound a lovely person and sorry if it seems I'm slagging off your daughter, but it seems that she has acted improperly and is just not a nice person from what you say. Just my penny's worth.

  4. #24
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    Aug 2012
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    Re: huge ptsd

    I agree with Robinsky and you do need to concentrate on yourself and finding some happiness again. I really think that intense psychotherapy will help you. It worked really well for my PTSD. Ask your doctor about it as you need help and support to get these frightening images out of your mind. Lots of hugs for you

  5. #25
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    Jan 2014
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    82

    Re: huge ptsd

    Listen to myself, Annie, along with the other good folk here and you'll do fine - you've done NOTHING wrong. When you get those frightening images in your mind, fight them.

    You will come out a much stronger person because of this and one day, your daughter may see the error of her ways, when it may or may not be too late when she realises she's cut off all connection with the people who do care for her.

    She may or may not have friends but to me, friends are immaterial - I find people so very hard to trust and learned only to trust myself. Its how I've managed to survive.

    Good luck to you!

  6. #26
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    Aug 2012
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    Re: huge ptsd

    When I had my psychotherapy I was taught how to change the horrific images into better ones. Like changing the story in my mind so it had a different ending, a happier one. It was not easy to do and best to do it with the guidance of a psychologist.
    The most important thing though is that you ARE NOT to blame. You are a lovely caring person. If you were not such a lovely person this would not be causing you all this pain and trauma.

  7. #27

    Re: huge ptsd

    All I got were texts like "she's not the baby we made" "you've ruined our first holiday together. No sun for two years" "she has to wear these horrible thick pressure garments 23 hours of every day, all because of you" "we're not ever welcoming you back because you've done nothing to make recompense" "yes you've bought her toys but you weren't there in the middle of the night with milk and nappies to support us when we had to dash to hospital with yet another infection"..... I just don't understand the recompense bit or not supporting them in the middle of the night. I didn't even know the baby was in hospital. I kept being told to "keep away", I asked repeatedly how she was but never got any feedback. The last few texts from her were as vitriolic as the first ones in January so nothing good is going to come of this. She's always acted as if she's been very "spoilt" -- she certainly hasn't. But lots of people have commentated on this over the years. Even said it's as though there's hatred for me in her. Yes I wish I could turn back the clock but for the baby's sake. I'll always adore her. The blackmail threat is indeed awful. I too don't see how someone who can sink that low will know a lot of love in her life. And she's a mental health nurse too! Got a Masters in it......Anyway, thanks for writing to me. You've helped me such a lot. x

    ---------- Post added at 00:22 ---------- Previous post was at 00:20 ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Annie0904 View Post
    When I had my psychotherapy I was taught how to change the horrific images into better ones. Like changing the story in my mind so it had a different ending, a happier one. It was not easy to do and best to do it with the guidance of a psychologist.
    The most important thing though is that you ARE NOT to blame. You are a lovely caring person. If you were not such a lovely person this would not be causing you all this pain and trauma.
    Did you have the rapid eye movement thing? Sorry I don't know the name of that treatment but I couldn't afford it as it was about £60 a session.

  8. #28
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    Jan 2014
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    Re: huge ptsd

    "She's not the baby we made?" - That's a disgusting thing to say. The other comments are just spite - over something you didn't mean or intend to do. Hard to be there for her when she doesn't want to even know you, is it? She said as much. How are you supposed to help if you're asked to keep away? I'd keep out of your daughter's affairs for now as its not going to do you any good in the long term - if she wants to freeze you out, its her choice, but just remember as Annie said, you've done nothing wrong. Maybe her father leaving in her childhood had an affect on her? It shows from what you're saying, reflecting Annie's comments, that you're a good person and never meant to harm the baby. Your daughter is being totally unreasonable. I really feel for you. The blackmail is just pure evil. Its something that won't get you far, either, plus its very dangerous as well. Inside, she's probably a very lost person and hurting so badly and probably mixed up. I find it ironic she works in mental health when it seems to me she's a bit mixed up herself, maybe not on the same scale, mind. Concentrate on your own life now - you've done what you can to rectify matters and you can hold your head up high, knowing you've done nothing wrong. Rebuild your own life and let your daughter come to you, now. If your daughter does contact you, it shows at the end of the day that she is dependant on you, but can't show it in any other way than spite. Good luck to you and best wishes for the future.

  9. #29
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    Sep 2009
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    Re: huge ptsd

    Sarah - she can say it's not the baby she made, but in my opinion, she's not he daughter you made! Delete the texts - right now
    __________________
    KEEP
    CALM

    AND
    'AV A
    PASTY

  10. #30

    Re: huge ptsd

    Just read this and wanted to say my thoughts are with you, what a terrible situation. And I agree wholeheartedly, an accident is an accident

    Take care of yourself
    Clare

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