Specific fear V fear of fear!

[xBettyBoopx]

People still ask what I am afraid of even after all these years. When I tell them I fear the symptoms of fear they don't understand of course and I have to go through it all again!

I really wish that I was still just afraid of one specific thing, but I can't remember what it was it was that long ago!!

Do you remember what you were first afraid of before you got afraid of all the symptoms? Do you think then that there was a specific fear or that you just rammed right in there with the anxiety one day? I am just wondering how people came to be like this.

* Actually I have just remembered something from my childhood that scared the living daylights out of me..........we did that oujie (sp) board thing (I know, I know but it was a long long time ago) and the glass moved and I freaked out and begged someone to tell me that it was them that moved it but they all said they didn't. I used to go to bed and shake like a leaf.........................wow typing this post out has made me remember!!! Don't know if this will help me in any way though, we shall see!

So sorry for the 'rant' but I still would like to know your thoughts on this

Love
Els
xx

[Rennie1989]

Gosh, we're going back to my early teens.

I was bullied a lot at school, every day, every lesson. I was called all sorts of names, picked on for having curly hair, braces and being withdrawn (no wonder why I was withdrawn...). I had my possessions stolen off me, things thrown at me of varying weights and threats of being attacked. What made it worse was that nobody helped me, that's my parents and teachers. I feared leaving my house because I knew what was waiting for me. One day the straw broke the camel's back and I had a panic attack, which made the bullying worse because it gave them something else to attack on.

I had counselling which helped stopped the panic attacks and I no longer fear the symptoms itself, my fears are now of the unknown which have caused me to have such horrible periods of pure paranoia that were borderline psychotic (believing that I was being followed home and people were spying on me). That's still scary, very scary!

[PanchoGoz]

Nah, the thing is everyone has had scary experiences in youth by the laws of probability but a lot of them will not develop chronic anxiety. It doesn't really have an impact unless you had PTSD from it, otherwise your brain just processes it along with everything else.
You could have an even that triggered anxiety that you were already predisposed to, to look at it another way. I think it takes a traumatic experience in some people to bring it out of them. For me that was aged 13 when all my friends left my crummy school.
I feel like your anxiety is compelling you to find an answer still, an answer that has no quesion that you will never find. Don't give into it to ponder about it too much, you already know how it works now It doesn't matter about the past, it's how you deal with the present, and whatever has happened, you can learn to get rid of panic attacks or live comfortably with your anxiety.

[xBettyBoopx]

Gosh, we're going back to my early teens.

I was bullied a lot at school, every day, every lesson. I was called all sorts of names, picked on for having curly hair, braces and being withdrawn (no wonder why I was withdrawn...). I had my possessions stolen off me, things thrown at me of varying weights and threats of being attacked. What made it worse was that nobody helped me, that's my parents and teachers. I feared leaving my house because I knew what was waiting for me. One day the straw broke the camel's back and I had a panic attack, which made the bullying worse because it gave them something else to attack on.

I had counselling which helped stopped the panic attacks and I no longer fear the symptoms itself, my fears are now of the unknown which have caused me to have such horrible periods of pure paranoia that were borderline psychotic (believing that I was being followed home and people were spying on me). That's still scary, very scary!

Thanks for replying Rennie. I am sorry that you were bullied at school, I didn't mean to bring up anyone's bad past experiences in that way. It is good that you no longer fear the symptoms as that's what most of us here are fighting (I think). I am sure that the paranoia is just as bad and very scary.

---------- Post added at 03:20 ---------- Previous post was at 03:17 ----------

Nah, the thing is everyone has had scary experiences in youth by the laws of probability but a lot of them will not develop chronic anxiety. It doesn't really have an impact unless you had PTSD from it, otherwise your brain just processes it along with everything else.
You could have an even that triggered anxiety that you were already predisposed to, to look at it another way. I think it takes a traumatic experience in some people to bring it out of them. For me that was aged 13 when all my friends left my crummy school.
I feel like your anxiety is compelling you to find an answer still, an answer that has no quesion that you will never find. Don't give into it to ponder about it too much, you already know how it works now It doesn't matter about the past, it's how you deal with the present, and whatever has happened, you can learn to get rid of panic attacks or live comfortably with your anxiety.

Yep Pancho I am clutching at straws like you say still trying to find answers for something which probably doesn't have one!! I was a very scared little child and probably predisposed to this bloody condition

I wish the anxiety symptoms had an 'off' switch though

[MyNameIsTerry]

I don't remember anything specific to be honest. I can remember the odd symptom and even a few points where there was panic, OCD or anxiety but I continued as I always did and I had a life I enjoyed.

For me, it was due to being stressed so much by work overload that it started impacting my health. I can remember having holidays and having insomnia so I would eat something or have a few beers. I can remember working through my holidays, working every weekend whether at home or at work and whilst that felt natural, it somehow was taking over. Close to when it finally first hit me, I had a couple of mornings where I was sick after a night out and on the second occasion the anxiety came and I couldn't be in the building. I can remember the rising dread and sick feeling the closer I got to the doors. I rested over the weekend, went back in and it happened again. From that point it was harder although I was still functioning in some aspects e.g. OK at home, working out, but my social life ended at this point.

For me, thats how it started.

However, I'm not sure now what the issues really are. I do feel an element of fear or the symptoms but I also have fear of certain situations, I get a bit overwhelmed with big tasks and I haven't conquered my fears of exercise where I had panic attacks although I have done some without any real impact.

I sometimes wish I had an different type of anxiety disorder than GAD. I don't want to imply that it's any harder than the others, it would just give me something I would know was wrong.

Some time ago I used to attend self help groups ran by a local mental health charity consisting solely of sufferers, recovered or not. One of the members asked me "but would it make a difference if you knew what was wrong". I wasn't sure then and I'm not now. I do think with GAD, it perhaps means attacking things on many different fronts so that your anxiety level decreases e.g. building self esteem, confidence, better physical health, diet, exercise, etc.

The amygdala in the brain stores memories in a left and right side. So, for some I could see it could draw from this as it's said that negatives are stored with greater bias.

For me though, my memories before were largely good even if I wasn't perhaps where I wanted to be in life. At least I had good close friends, etc...now I have none of them so I've just got the memories.

[Rennie1989]

I am reminded by that memory so much that it's no longer painful, apart from the odd memories that reappear. The paranoia is a pain in the bum. At least with physical symptoms you still understand the world around you, with paranoia you struggle to tell the difference between rational thinking and what is paranoid thinking. The fact that I believed people were following me home and spying on me almost makes me sad that I lost touch with reality.