"Feeling" very lost/confused, nothing feels recognizable, everything feels foreign?

[LiveAboveIt]

Not sure if this is an anxiety symptom or what. It's definitely new for me. I just have a general feeling of lowness.. Constant feeling of worry/anxiousness. Everything feels strange and foreign and I feel almost detached/disconnected from life.. Even people I live with. My home has become something I don't recognize and I no longer feel comfortable being alone, especially at night.

I had my blood drawn and discovered that I have very low Vitamin D and potentially Low Testosterone.. I'm only 25, so this has me worried and nervous. I'm also on about Day 7-8 on starting Lexapro, so I think this has increased my anxiety some. I'm not sure though, I can't tell because I have so much going on..

Is this 'sense' of feeling like everything just feels wrong, doomed, strange, etc.. Is that depression or anxiety? I know tons of people feel this way and struggle with feelings very similar, but I feel very alone in my problems and like I'll never get out of them, because I'm convinced I have something crazy mentally wrong with me that has locked me into feeling this way forever. :\

[jharden]

First of all, you aren't going crazy and there's nothing wrong with you. It sounds like you're experiencing a high level of anxiety. Fearing being alone with your thoughts is a common symptom. I hated being alone when I went through episodes of high anxiety. Having an impending sense of doom is also common with anxiety. Anxiety and depression are often co-morbid too, meaning they occur alongside one another. Also, you may just be super tired from going through an episode of high anxiety. Episodes like that used to make me fatigued for days, sometimes weeks.

The feeling of detachment sounds like a textbook case derealization to me, also a very common symptom of high anxiety. It can be very disturbing and is a horrible feeling, but it's not harmful. Your brain hasn't changed and you aren't going crazy, it's just derealization. Do some brief research on this if you feel like it, though remember it's just a symptom of high anxiety - nothing more.

You're not alone in feeling like this. Your episodes of high anxiety sounds EXACTLY the same as mine. I hate being alone, I have the feeling of impending doom and I experience really bad derealization. It will pass. It's not forever, not even close. I've had a few of these episodes in the last 6 months, but things are much better now.

Starting a new SSRI can increase anxiety for the first 2-3 weeks before it begins to lower anxiety. I experienced the same increase on citalopram. Do you have any benzos to help you through? Don't take them regularly, but they are very helpful every once in a while to settle you down after an episode of high anxiety. There's no benefit in putting yourself through more and more panic. Don't worry about the blood work results. Low levels of vitamins and/or testosterone are easily treated, most likely you'll just need to take a supplement or change your diet/lifestyle a bit.

Best of luck to you.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I agree with jharden.

LAI - not long ago you were talking very different on some threads I posted on and you seem much different, lower here. This is classic for staring SSRI's so I think you need to get past the side effect period and then assess how you feel.

[LiveAboveIt]

Thanks J. You really managed to put my mind at ease. This derealization thing is new for me. It makes sense and I'm glad to hear that you can relate and that I'm not alone. I couldn't have asked for a better response, so thank you again. Especially with the information on the anxiety increase. I didn't know about that and nearly decided to stop them. I will ride it out with the knowledge you have given me. You really helped, thanks for that.

---------- Post added at 23:05 ---------- Previous post was at 23:01 ----------

I agree with jharden.

LAI - not long ago you were talking very different on some threads I posted on and you seem much different, lower here. This is classic for staring SSRI's so I think you need to get past the side effect period and then assess how you feel.

Hey, Terry. Yeah, I had managed to get through most of the anxiety but I just couldn't kick the leftover anxiety buzz and it left me stressed. Being diagnosed with generalized anxiety, my girlfriend convinced me to try another SSRI to kick that last bit of anxiety while I attend CBT in therapy. Needless to say my anxiety has spiked since the new SSRI is working its way into my system. I think I just needed a little grounding as it just came out of nowhere seemingly. Sorry if I disappointed anyone with my setback. You always get the worst of me when I post in the midst of panic.

[MyNameIsTerry]

No one will be disappointed LAI, we've all been there.

I'm pretty lucky in that the DR/DP thing has never had much of an effect on me but I've heard it can be pretty disturbing.

Some anti depressants cause different side effects than others but things that fit into greater anxiety, insomnia, very low moods, really are classic of them. I had Citalopram the first time and it did a lot of this to me and second time around I had Duloxetine which made my anxiety go to levels I have never felt before until I passed out the other end.

Medication combined with CBT can be very useful and I think sometimes we just can't get past the symptoms and need a helping hand. Once you feel more grounded you can move on and make some real improvements.

Give it time. Side effects can last 3-4 weeks with many, less with some & often more intense, and longer & often more intense for others. Some people barely feel it going on but suffer badly coming off. It's a real minefield and I don't know what it's like in the US but over here our GP's seem to prescribe them and not really talk about how it could make us feel so we end up searching for answers. When I went on the Duloxetine, I knew what I was in for and I just gritted my teeth and let it happen...I knew there was nothing else I could do as it was going to make me feel bad at first.

Keep posting buddy, I think Phil is missing you on that other thread you started!

[phil6]

Hi Terry and LAI,
My experience on SSRIs was horrible. I wish they could have worked for me but the side effects never really made them comfortable for me in addition to my personality of wanting to get better on my own terms.
I stayed on Citalopram for 14 weeks but the first 5 weeks were extreme to say the least.
Sorry to hear about your struggles LAI. I sort of expected a dip after you seemed so positive about recovery, as recovery seems to be more painful for most.
I had a good day last Saturday, followed by a real blip and meltdown on Sunday and Monday morning. I dragged myself back to accepting and felt absolutely cured on Monday Evening. Up until this morning I have been practicing with some success to cut down my worrying about everything, but I woke in the middle if the night and got very distressed.
I know that I teeter on the edge of despair and eventually after lying in bed for 2 hours trying to resist the want to cry and let it all out, I succumbed to this.
Once that starts, it is hard to stop and I get quite extreme with my despair with some quite frightening thoughts. I always feel like I have hit another brick wall and cannot see a way out, apart from extreme measures which should never be contemplated.
I feel a bit trapped. I don't want to let anyone down. I don't want to distress my family. I have committed to do things that i feel I cannot do in this state. My wife wants me to go back to the GP but I know that help from there is now limited. I have done CBT and I do try mindfullness. I really cannot get my head around trying any other medication, apart from Valium which I have taken now as I felt in crisis.
Having stopped the crying and calmed a little, I find myself considering starting acceptance once again as nothing else feels right. In my case the crying spell may well be an avoidence strategy. It feels like a way to temporarily feel better as well as a demonstration of how I feel and as a cry for help, directed at my poor wife.
But it always ends in disappointment, and doesn't get me anywhere. It leaves me with a feeling of being lost and without direction with this disorder.
It's up and downs... And when I am down I get everything out of proportion. I cannot remember the good spells.
Yesterday I was considering things like am I Gluten intolerant? It seems very unlikely but I am once again looking for a quick fix. I had 2 glasses of wine last night, is alcohol causing problems? I am not a big drinker but it helps me relax and enjoy a meal occasionally. Or is all this just searching and rumination again?
Sorry for the long and depressing post.
Phil

[MyNameIsTerry]

Get it out Phil, nothing to be sorry for. Keeping things inside and letting them go round and round doesn't help because they will grow until they burst out.

I know exactly what you mean. On the good days you can't imagine how the anxiety and despair feels and on the bad days its the other way around.

Are these commitments making things worse? Sometimes having a definite deadline for something that you know will be difficult can increase your anxiety, especially if its a leap that you are not ready to take.

Side effects of anti depressants can be bad but some people find they are not as bad on different types. This is a bit trial and error. I'm on the newer batch known as SNRIs which are supposed to be better because they have a dual use. The side effects were still there but with these you have to taper onto them. The starting dose isn't too bad but moving up to the standard dose gave me 8-10 very bad days.

Maybe you are sensitive to them and need to taper on at lower doses?

I hope you get some relief from this soon, even if its temporary so that you can have a rest from it. I remember those days, they were the worst of my life and it worries me that I could go back to that because I can't sustain a normal life with those interruptions.

[phil6]

Hi Terry,
The commitment are just agreeing to take part in things that I would normally enjoy.. A boat trip etc. They just feel like I will have a hard time when I feel down. I always try not to say no, as this feels like anxiety is ruling my life.
I have tried Citalopram, which was horrible for me. I did also have a day on Setraline but was sick. I did recently try Mertazapine and this really helped me sleep and seemed more gentle, but I just felt it was making me feel too drowsy, and as usual I felt I wanted to get back to being medication free.
I have never experienced any real improvement with my anxiety from any of these.
Phil

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Phil,

Its hard to know what to suggest because you seem to be doing all the right things. I'm hoping it is a cycle and by doing what you are, you will break it. I only really broke out of that cycle initially by getting myself out of the house and going walking. It was hard but I built a routine, and that routine is probably what dragged me out of the worst bit. The trouble is, that becomes avoidance when you can't stay in the home. I knew this and I confronted it with success by staying in for 3 months. Now I'm back to going out and I've found I appreciate it more and I'm less anxious about staying in so I will have to try alternating it next.

So I hope you find something that breaks it, and if it means using an avoidance or a safety behaviour to do it, that just means it gets you to a better place where you can tackle this new less intense problem.

[phil6]

Terry,
I think you hit the nail on the head.
I have done group CBT, 1-1 CBT, 1-1 in therapy. I have learned mindfulness and looked into ACT therapy. I excercise, I do Yoga.... What else!
The bottom line is I am obviously trying too hard. I am able to walk my dog etc but even though I try distraction, when I am anxious it's hard to read or ride my bike or do anything which distracts my mind which insists on trying to accept the anxiety or work out what I am doing wrong. I just can't drop the subject. Yet when the stomach stops churning (usually in the evening) no effort is needed. It all just stops.
Maybe I do need medication to help, but the startup and withdrawal frightens the life out of me.
Certainly waking at 2 or 3 am is not great.
Phil