please dont judge me

[leenalou]

yesterday i had my biggest fear confirmed, im pregnant, i say its my biggest fear as i have 2 children and all my anxiety depression and panic attacks started after the birth of my second child nearly 10 years ago and i have struggled ever since. i can not physically, emotionally, mentally, or financially keep this baby it would break me of that i am certain. ive asked for a termination but i have to wait till tuesday when they reopen after the easter hols for an appointment my anxiety is at an all time high at the moment because of this. this is the the first time i have posted anything this personal but i just needed someone to talk to without being judged. my partner is very supportive as is my friend but they are the only ones i have told about this. i cant tell family as we are not close and i dont think they would understand my reasons for the termination so at the moment i am not only tryingt to deal with my panic and anxiety on a daily basis i am now dealing with the pregnancy symptoms too. i am sorry for such a long and rambling post and i honestly dont know what it will achieve i just felt i had to get it out.

thank you for taking the time to read

[MyNameIsTerry]

If you need to get it out, do it, it's worse keeping it in as it can build up.

I think the main thing is that you have spoken to the person who matters in this which is your partner. If your partner, as a non anxious outsider, has weighed this up and decided it is best to do this on the basis of your mental health, then that is all that is needed as long as you are in agreement.

It can be very difficult to understand & make judgements when you are suffering from anxiety at it's worst. I remember my worst times and I would have gone to great lengths to make it go away.

The only thing I will say is, are you completely in agreement that this is best? If there are any doubts, can you spend the weekend or longer exploring these. I only say this because I know how anxiety and the thought of more of it can make us feel and thats why I think it's so important for your partner to talk you through all the options.

I don't think you need to concern yourself with others peoples judgements of the situation, they are not in it, so can't truly understand it unless they've been their themselves. I haven't, so I don't know how this feels. Some people may have views that terminations are wrong anyway but this is not the place for that kind of discussion because this needs to be about the situation as it stands.

[leenalou]

hi thank for taking the time to reply
me and my partner are 100% agreeable that this is the right decision
i know what your saying about anxiety may make us make the wrong decissions but i am certain this is my decission not the anxietys.

i know people will have different views on terminations and that is their choice i just needed to get it out of my head and wrote down
again thanks for the reply

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's good that you have been able to approach it so rationally and it's really good to hear that your partner is supportive in this as this is a very tricky issue for any of us.

It does often help to write things down, it can feel like some level of closure because you committed it to paper or where others can see it.

All the best.


Terry

[MRS STRESS ED]

Hi leenalou we are not here to judge if people feel they need to they shouldnt reply to your post ,its your life just be really sure its what you want hun xx

[Jacsta]

Hey leena,

The way I see it you and your partner have looked very closely and come to a decision, it is your right, and a decision for you two to make.

Don't feel like you have to tell your family, only do it if you think it will help. Its great to hear that your friend is being supportive, and we on nmp are all here if you need to air your thoughts, feelings, or just want some company.

Don't worry about what other peoples beliefs are....be true to yourself and keep talking x

[leenalou]

hi everyone and thank you for your support
its getting closer to tuesday and for the phone call to say when my appointment will be
the nerves and anxiety are on a all time high at the minute so im just trying to keep myself calm. once again thank you for your comments and support xx

[kristaok]

I won't judge you but I also won't congratulate it either ... You can't see it now but killing your child won't help, in the end it will only make your anxiety worse, maybe not right now but eventually it will.

Please understand...

[debs71]

I won't judge you but I also won't congratulate it either ... You can't see it now but killing your child won't help, in the end it will only make your anxiety worse, maybe not right now but eventually it will.

Please understand...

Seriously??....and then what you have just done IS JUDGE!! I really don't feel that the words 'killing your child' are very helpful to the OP right now, do you?


That being said, I am of the opinion that we are not living in redneck land, and women have the right to choose what they do with their pregnancy, judgement or not. Not every situation is cut and dried, and the option needs to be there for them......but, what troubles me (and baffles me,) is why if your biggest fear was to get pregnant, you were not taking every possible precaution not to? Yes, things happen, but with the pill, condoms, the cap, the coil and so many other options, I am just wondering why?

Anyway, I think that you and your partner have clearly come to a decision, and I think it is good that you have both decided together. It is not a decision you should make alone with all of the pressure you clearly have. I also feel that it is a brave decision to make in so much as YOU KNOW what you can cope with, and if having a third child is going to build on that pressure, and possibly (importantly) affect the child and your mental health further, it is probably the wisest decision you can make right now.

I truly wish you the best.

[courierdude]

thread is from april no?