New to coping with anxiety

[Brooklin]

Hi,

I would just like to say what a relief to have found this site :-).

I'm pretty new to suffering from anxiety and didn't even really recognise what was wrong until I joined this site yesterday. I lost my partner 6 years ago, he died suddenly and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, my children were very young and for a good year after his death I had symptoms that I presumed were just my bodies way of dealing with the grief and fear of losing him. Since his death it has took me a long time to get back to any sort of normality. I avoided anything that reminded me of him, I no longer enjoyed cooking ( I cooked for him a lot and loved cooking), couldn't focus and my memory became terrible. I suppose I feel like a part of me died when he did and that so much of who I was had disappeared. I had huge mountains to climb around that time and look back wondering how the hell I got through the other side.

A few weeks ago I had a very upsetting incident with a very close family member and thought I was going to suffer a breakdown ( whatever that is ). The anxious feelings over the last few weeks have been horrendous and not knowing much about anxiety I felt I was doomed. I almost felt suicidal ( or a least had suicidal thoughts ) at the thought that life had finally broken me. Joining this site has made me see that I'm not going crazy and that I am definately not alone. Would really appreciate any advice on medication. I have taken a few diazepam over the last few weeks which have really taken the edge off the way I have been feeling ( I've only took them when needed and not every day). I.would love to hear from people who cope on their own without medication, or people who have found it impossible to cope without help. I'm down to my last tablet and am reluctant to go to gp again but also feel that I need to know I have a back up as i havent coped too well when the anxiety strikes, up to now nearly every other day has been a bad day. Thanks for taking the time to read this :-)

[gregcool]

Hi Brooklin..so sorry to hear you very sad story about how unkind life has been for you..well for me i seperated a year ago after 15 years marage and was mad homeless.i suffered really bad anxiety and depression to.i was on my own and lost contact wirg my kids.my doctor put me on olanzipine 5mg at night this helps to treat mant conditions but at a low dose anxiety and sleep problems.i was allso put on 250 mg or trazadone liquid which i take at night...now i have many problems in my life still.no job .living with friends loss of kids but find i have coped better on my medication...i still have bad days evenn week days.but jt helps....for me ...good luck..xx greg

[Brooklin]

Thanks for the reply Greg, sorry you have had such a tough time too :-(. Life sure knows how to push us to our limits eh? I am really trying not to let my anxiety take over but was so naive to the power of our own minds. I have had a good day today so I im just taking one day at a time, i suppose at this stage i have no idea how this is truly going to affect me as only been bad for a few weeks this time around. Good luck for the future:-) and hope you get your life back on track with work etc? Take care xx

[ClearBlueSky]

Hello there,
Your message touched me as I felt like I could relate to how you are feeling as there have been times when i have felt so hopeless, and confused and alone and I know how scary it can be. The first thing I want you to know is..these feelings WILL pass, but only if you find ways of treating them. You must not believe that these things are how you will feel forever now, and I know it feels like there is no chance for you, but I can assure you, I have felt that way before, and felt like i would never get better, but I did. The best thing you could and have done for yourself, is recognise that what you are feeling isn't right and sought help/answers. I have had 3 bouts of anxiety in my life and each and every time, it is traumatic and scary. You feel like you are going to have a break down and 'lose it'. I am currently on anti anxiety meds which have helped me so so so much, but I do not accept that meds is all I need. I have been reading some fantastic self help books- 'At last a life' and Claire Weekes self help books have been the best and seeing a therapist. I am learning that my body has certain 'tipping points' and I need to be aware of when enough is enough. I am also learning about Mindful Meditation which has been extremely helpful.
From what I have read/researched, I believe that when we have a traumatic experience or stressful period, our nervous system and mind become exhausted and over react. When they over react, our anxiety comes into play and we start becoming overly anxious and worry about everything, and then we worry about becoming anxious and the cycle continues. PLEASE talk to your doctor, and I can assure you that your suicidal thoughts are not actually true thoughts, they are just your anxiety trying to scare you. Just because you think it, doesn't mean that you will do it.
If you would like to chat with me via email, please let me know and I will send you my email address. You have so much to live for, and you WILL beat this, you just need to have faith.

Thoughts and hugs being sent to you. rebecca xoxo

[Brooklin]

Thank you for the lovely message Rebecca :-), it really does help to know that your not alone when situations like this arise. Any advice is a huge help and I am trying to be as proactive and as positive as I can, i have had a good day today but deep down know that I have a long way to go. It would be great to have a chat. Thanks so much :-) X

[maggiemay1]

I can completely relate Brooklyn, im now trying meditation, it might work, might not, I have no answers yet but its very calming, but as clearbluesky said please see your dr, and tell him/her everything, they do understand xx

[Brooklin]

Hi Maggie, I am starting to understand more about anxiety and feeling a bit stronger. It seems like a lot of trial and error in finding out what works best for each individual. I have walked a lot over the last couple of weeks which has helped but meditation is something I think would love to try too. I'm going to a yoga class next week so will see how that goes. I will go back to my doctor too :-). Knowing that I'm not going to go crazy and that the anxiety can't hurt me has helped me to put it into perspective a bit, a couple of days ago I seriously thought I couldn't cope any more and but thanks to support from NWP at least I now know what is wrong with me. thanks for the advice. Good luck with the meditation. I would love to know how you get on. Xx