I'd like my life back.. even for a day

[DragonFlyX]

Hi

I'm new to this forum . I've joined many sites before and never have the courage to post so here goes...
I have agorophobia

The only place I feel safe is in my own house and alone. I see a CBT therapist once a week and she kindly comes to health centre that is opposite my house! I can see it from my window (if I open the curtains ) and even this takes me days of working upto. She has helped me with my anxiety attacks I used to have indoors . I went for over a year of not answering my phone so even my mother had to email me or text me to ask me to plug it in and answer.I now answer my phone everyday and don't get panic attacks when it rings anymore. But I still just can't go out.. it's SO hard. The only other place I goto is my parents about once a month . This causes me massive anxiety in the days leading upto it and the day I go home. My Dad picks me up and I have to know in advance exactly what time etc. I suffer from severe facial sweating if I leave the house AND when I'm in anyones company even my own family :(.I don't think people have any idea how debilitating this phobia is. It's so tiring.. mind constantly over thinking.. thoughts jumbled up.

Anyway I'm going to post this anyway even if it doesnt make sense lol I'm sitting here now shallow breathing and feeling very anxious. Hopefully This forum will help me to talk

thanks to anyone who reads this .. phew

[StrayWookie]

Hey Firstly congrats on posting that! I know how hard it can be to open up about ourselves. And secondly you are so not alone. I have been as bad as you are now, and I am able to go outside the house now, and even on outings with someone I really trust, which is hard to do. Good stuff with the therapy, keep the fight!

[Catherine S]

Hi there, its nice to meet you. Although I don't suffer with this myself, I can remember my son some years ago when in his 20's feeling the same way as you. He had to give up work and became almost housebound, but only ventured out if I picked him up in the car. I would take him everywhere he needed to go which wasn't really helping him I guess. If he needed to see his doctor he would wait in the car while I waited for his name to be called, and even then he had to be either first in or last in so as not to meet too many people.

Sounds a bit daft but I started taking him to a local garden centre on quiet mornings for a cuppa and at first it was very stressful for him but gradually over time he relaxed and we would walk around the centre rather than sit in a huddle in the corner of the cafe! I bought him some plants to take back to his flat and he looked after those flipping things like they were his children...we both laugh about in now he's married and has the real thing!

The turning point was moving to another area, out of the busy town we lived in at that time...he moved to the seaside and gradually with time he overcame it. He will never be free of some of his anxieties but he compensates for them as we all do...sometimes life is all about compromises. Obviously we can't all move house in order to break the spell, but there are other ways to re-direct the mind and hopefully that's what your therapist is teaching you to do. You're doing great, and with time you will get there i'm sure

ISB x

[trish1955]

Hi I still believe what at do you or did you suffer with XXX

[Annie0904]

Hi, I am sure the cbt will help you. I was like this a few years ago and you just have to take slow little steps. I believe also that you have to feel the fear and just do it but do it gradually. I wanted to be able to go to my local supermarket so started by driving there and just parking in the car park. Once I felt comfortable with that I walked to the front of the shop. I eventually made it in to do some shopping

[Catherine S]

Trish,

Sorry only just read your question. I have severe claustrophobia which limits how I live and travel, and I get very anxious when faced with being in one of my feared situations. Ive also suffered with ectopic heartbeats for many years too.

ISB x

[DragonFlyX]

HI!!

I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to read /reply!
I read them that day but couldn't type a reply. The CBT is for low self esteem. I was in a very abusive relationship for over 20 years from a teenager. As a result have complex ptsd.. not very well understood unfortunately. The agorophobia has sprung off from this. The past year has been by far the worst. Even taking my rubbish out is an ordeal and something I usually do in the middle of the night incase somebody sees me. I don't know if others have experienced the almost paranoid feelings.. I'm not sure if it's that or just the overwhelming shame I feel. I was under constant 24/7 scrutiny in my relationship and it ended 6 yrs ago.. I STILL feel like I have to sneak around ..so much so I do it from everyone!.Thanks for the plant mention! I used to be an avid gardener and used it as therapy and escape. Now I can't keep a thing alive :(. Maybe that's an avenue I should look into again. They always say how you look after your plants is a reflection on how you look after yourself. The doctors appointments too! wow I am on a knife edge about the timing. 1 second over time and I'm stressed. I make sure I arrive exactly 4 mins before lol. It's across the road

Hope I havn't rambled on .. I will keep reading! Just thankyou all SO much. This is a huge leap for me I'm so private /secretive.

Nikki XX

[tazmindevs]

i can honestly feel your pain. i used to have agoraphobia, thats right "used to" this is very beatable and remember when i felt doomed, over the years i've actually got tons better kind of on its own i still have trouble in shops with crowds and things but i have a life and i hope you can too

[Booboojenny]

nikki well done ..lovely to read your posts..I know what it's like to not be able to go out of your house, mine was slightly different but I still couldn't go out of my drive unless I was been driven by my partner, very weird how your mind works.. Eventually with hypnotherapy and medication I took little steps and I go out when and her I want ..my partner was extremely controlling, this was about 7 years ago now.
Thinking of you, sending you a hug Nikki
Jenny xx

[DragonFlyX]

Hi

Thanks again for continuing to post! I feel bad.. had a rough 2-3 weeks and didnt feel able to communicate. I wasnt being rude!

thankyou for the ' used' to have lol. thats such a positive. Just spent a week at my parents which has recharged me a bit.
... I think I like this site

Nikki XXXX