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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2014

    Can anyone help me & relate to this?...

    Can anyone tell me is it possible to have a OCD over feeling why you feel like you feel but then thats why you feel like you feel?? Lol,

    Sorry - ive been trying to work out why i continue to struggle with my memory & awarness symptom its to the point where i can hardly function at all some days, like my brain is locks up rendering me totally lethargic.

    Ive noticed im constantly thinking about "it" if im not thinking about it im then thinking im not thinking about it which really is me then still thinking about it,

    Its like my mind is locked or obsessed on to it and i cant escape, if i try to watch tv or play with the children anything that takes mind power i find i cant concentrate its there constantly and i cant get away from my concious mind.

    It feels like my mind is fatigued up so much it hurts, its tense.
    I get lost in my thoughts and i have crazy twisted sensations like my brains getting twisted up and it hurts.

    I often think if i didnt know about it then i wouldnt possibly think about it? i dont have any physical symptoms thats whats making me worry is it anxiety retaliated also the twisted horrible sensations like electric shocks scattering around my nurvous system and my brain, it happend yesterday and brought tears to my eyes and i was in public! I hate the locked up feeling its making me feel crazy!! I find it hard to cope.

    i feel frustrated, trapped, locked up, lathargic, hopeless and lost.

    Thanks guys

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2013

    Re: Can anyone help me & relate to this?...

    I started a mood diary years ago on my laptop. I'd record good days and what led to them. What I ate, did, thought etc
    When I had a great day that I felt was a real breakthrough I'd highlight that text in a different colour.

    I did this for years. Then I started cutting the great day text and putting it in a text file so I had lots of great days and reasons why all saved in a file so I could really focus on "the answers".

    Thing is, I'd often find myself sitting staring at it on my laptop on my days off and could waste whole days staring, frustrated and really not enjoying it.

    I started to realise I was locked in to thoughts about anxiety. But then I got what I focused on.

    The good days never came when I focused on the anxiety. They came when I was thinking about other external things, maybe focusing on humour, having fun, being silly, interests etc

    I used to moderate mental health chatrooms and would get people coming in all of the time clearly locked into anxiety. It didn't matter what you said to them they just asked more anxiety based questions. So I'd tell them to forget anxiety ! If you're obsessing about anxiety you're just locking yourself in.

    I think on this site they refer to it as feeding the dragon.

    Sounds like you've clicked and noticed it.

    I know it's not as simple as just forgetting. Your symptoms sound quite bad. But yeh, it's counterproductive to obsess about anxiety.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2014

    Re: Can anyone help me & relate to this?...

    Thanks mate.
    Thats sounds a great idea. My day usualy starts off with waking about 6.30 - 7am, im currently still off sick i cant go back to work just yet im that bad but always take my little boy & girl school, as soon as i wake i cant help it the first thing that comes to mind is "it" - ive named it "kez" i hate the word anxiety so i say "kez is in" ha,
    I then usualy come back try to be productive ect around the house and go out ect but struggle to do much because i struggle with the symptoms i have to do much,
    If i do to much physical i get a tense fatigued sore feeling like my brain is cringing and i have to stop.

    I remember before this all started i would have days where i would go all day feeling normal then out of no where i would get this feeling of my body had shut down and i would go all strange and lost - like i had lost all my natural awareness & feelings. I can remember saying to myself on a couple of occasions why still working "that thing hasnt happend to me today"
    I am now guessing that that was depersonalisation kicking in and out i dont know but at the time it was scary. Then one night it come in to stay after some sort of fear attack sensation i had, all that week i was panicking "whats up with me!? Whats up with me!?" The more i thought the deeper and worried i got and the more internal thinking i done, it must of started with DP and now im in so deep i feel like there is no way out for me.

    Honestly mate i feel like my life is over, today i felt 80% my normal self until about 1 then i could feel myself kind of shutting down like im running on batteries, i dont have any control over it though - all my natural awarness and instincts go with it and instead of being relaxed and normal and just think like normal and free flowing i turn to manual and everything i do, say & feel is done step by step with my concious mind like i dont have that brain power no more, it tires me out because i feel like im fighting to stay aware & awake. Its kind if like doing your driving test - at first your concious of changing gear, turning the wheel, watching the road full attention but once youve got used to it you do all this without looking at the gears or at times aware you doing it as your listening to music ect - well the way i feel is the same with my mind most of the time! instead of having that natural free flowing relaxed awareness and natural feelings im doing everything but by but with my mind putting ever bit of effort in to thinking what im doing, where im going, like im learning to start life again only my brain/head started to hurt like it cant cope, thats when i start to get the twisted feelings like i arrrrrr!!!! I want to scream!!
    I tend to feel better in the evening prob due to not thinking as much or feeling as tense as i do all day......Im thinking of going knocturnal! 8-)

    Another thing i find mate is when im relaxed i think il be ok il get better but then get a feeling of what if i dont then i get in to a panic for a second, my brain is shatterd, im shatterd,

    Ive been trying vitamins, ive been trying cocunut oil, eating a lot of fish & things basicaly trying everything i can.

    Im that bad i wobble on and on with no awareness of how long ive been typing, yesterday i missed the turning off the motorway because i couldnt have enough mind power to rememer where i was going proper deep mental block, even though i drive that drive so many times, i had a bath before with my little boy - i jumped out pulled the plug out grabbed my towel and by the time i has out it around me i had forgot about my little lad completely! It was only by chance i turned back around and then thought "oh fu**" thats how much my mind is constanlty thinking consciously, if not on it but on the subject or what i can tell my dr on my next visit to encourage him it isnt anxiety....

    Its like having mental block 24/7 and all my mind power has to go on the one thing im doin 100% and nothing else. Then it goes out of no where and i return to my natural relaxed aware feelingful self for half hour or so! I yawn like crazy mad and then i can feel myself dying down back in to it again....its driving me insane.

    Sorry to ramble on!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2013

    Re: Can anyone help me & relate to this?...

    Ramble all you want Ollie.

    It sounds like you're totally preoccupied with what's happened to you that you can't concentrate on the task at hand. Bathing your boy (lol) and driving etc.

    But I don't get this mental fatigue thing. I've had plenty of mental fog but not sure it sounds like what you're describing.

    Does it happen at specific times of the day or when you worry or after food or when you get hungry or ANYTHING you can attach it to. Can you notice it being triggered, linked to anything ?

    Has your doc give you a thorough check up, done blood work etc to see if everything's working ok and things are at right levels ?
    Or has he just heard what you've said, said "depersonalisation" and sent you on your way ?

    I mean I've taken other mood supplements like tyrosine and l-phenylalanine. I've read some can be low in these things. Supposed to take them for levels of neurotransmitters in the same way you take 5-htp.
    You get it all from holland and barret.
    I dunno, if you're suffering from mental fatigue maybe you'd benefit from these things. That's if they work. Something to try. I got a book on mood food and supplements like those were in it.

    Don't take 5-htp with antidepressants. I can't remember if you said your doc put you on an antidepressant. Obviously check with him before you try anything.

    I have podcasts playing all day. So that's what I'm thinking about. Podcasts on all my interests. Just tuning into conversations instead of having your mind idle.

    I'm taking something now called Rodhiola that's for anxiety. It's a natural herb from health shops. Supposed to be good for cortisol, stress, anxiety. On it for about 6 weeks. Jury's still out. Might be working in a subtle way. Worth a try.
    Last edited by Oosh; 02-06-14 at 21:53.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2014

    Re: Can anyone help me & relate to this?...

    Hi mate, sorry for the late reply.

    I was told today i have servere depersonaliation - with so much inward constant thinking since the night it started. It has put me or trained my mind to do nothing but concious inward thinking about it and me, im not sure i believe its that but ive nothing else to go off at the moment. Im stuck.

    Ive been told to try not think about "it" - good start aye being on here, i told the lady no matter how much i think about it or dont i still feel the same, i still have the same symptoms i still feel stuck and i still snap out of the way i feel out of no where. Thismorning I felt so much better, i felt like % myself despite having 3 hours sleep!
    These celtrolpam things are making me terrible, my mind just feels wide awake and full on alert so as soon as i wake im wide wide awake, im hoping this goes. my little lad woke me up at 2 and i fell back off at 6 up at 7!
    I bad time this afternoon, because i was so tired had a sleep 12.30 - 2, i woke up in pure fear! I was shaking i didnt know where i was, i as panicking where my little boy & girl were,
    Ive had this a few times in the night too - waking with fear sensation & i dont know where i am, this could be from back when i was going through all that stress and upset and had to move away out the family home & be on my own - i found myself panicking about my kids and i found myself in fear of being alone coming out of a family enviroment. I maybe could be suffering from some form of PST.

    The fatigue thing i found it happening again today, i went in to my CBT and said to the lady that i feel a lot more better than last week in terms of my awareness and feelings and concentration ect and i that she could see that as last week i struggled to even write my name on the form. Today i filled out the forms ok then we started talking and i could feel myself trying harder and harder to listen and to take in what she was saying, the longer it went on the harder it was and the more i could feel my head starting to hurt.
    Ive told my DR this hes still saying it anxiety and basicaly i need to just work with it. I do have a MRI scan next week but doubt that will show up any fatigue or show signs of the problems im having, ive got blood tests in the morning too to check all my vitamin levels, ive had tests in the past for organs function, full Blood count, thyroid function, still i find it hard to accept this is anything to with anxiety but then where do i start if the dr has done everything he can.

    I dont get any other physical symptoms - i have noticed every morning i wake i have a pain in the middle of my back always in the same place it soon goes after a little stretch.

    I dont want to sound like one of these that no matter what the experts say there wrong because im not like that. I dont want to be in this situation, i want nothing more than to be putting my uniform on tomorrow grabbing my tools and going back to work but i honestly mate i cant function at all most of the day its pot luck if i feel me, a little bit me or not me at all and totally not with it to the point i cant process anything and i just feel powerless.

    I find one of the hardest parts its having no feelings or emotional feelings,
    I feel completely numb. I dont feel hunger sensation, i dont feel thirst, i dont feel happyness or sadness, i dont feel love towards anything or excitment, i know i love and i know im sad because i cry out of frustration but i dont get the sensations at all,
    Im basicaly eating because i think i better eat something the same with drinking water -
    I know i love my children i always have i adore them both but i dont feel any attachment at all. Its ****ed up and ive cried because of the fact i dont feel anything.
    Im actually back with my partner now, she has been supporting me & us and has been a great shoulder to lean on despite the past. The only thing is i cant carry on like this much longer, finances are terrible - ive always been a hard working proud bloke thats worked every hour needed to make sure my family have the best i can provide and its breaking me being like this. I understand there is always someone worse off but i just need to get out of this deep dark place im in, im missing my kids so much, im missing having fun with them, im missing that feeling of coming home from a had days work and having that excited feeling that im driving home to them all, i just wanting feel me again if only for a few days.
    I feel lost in between the past and the future i feel lost in terms of whats happening in life and whats happening around me. I just hope it gets better bud.

    See rambling on again with no awareness of how long ive been typing or how much times past. Its Shit this.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2013

    Re: Can anyone help me & relate to this?...

    You're not rambling, all made sense that.

    You're getting cbt, that's brilliant. I waited 9 months to discuss my issues with someone properly qualified.

    If she says it's severe depersonalisation I'd go with that. That's your doc and cbt therapist who's said that now.

    Don't forget prolonged high anxiety is prolonged periods of stress hormones travelling around your body which will bugger your concentration and memory.

    That Rhodiola herb is supposed to be good at regulating your stress hormones. See if it does any good. It's only a herb. It's not a prescription drug.

    I don't do it but people on here say meditation is good for lowering stress hormones. Look into that mindfulness meditation stuff.
    Laughter, loads of stuff lowers stress hormones.

    I reckon your mental capacity will return when you've consistently lowered all those stress hormones and given your body and brain time to recover.
    So just keep trying to keep yourself in a good place.
    Clear your head, find stuff that makes you laugh, a light swim maybe.

    Anxiety will also be numbing your emotions too. That'll all come back when your stress levels have lowered and you have the weight of the world lifted off your shoulders.

    Now if you look at that then picture all the worrying you've been doing you can see how it's prolonging these feelings/symptoms because if you're worrying you're triggering more stress hormones to be released into your system which is creating the symptoms you describe.

    Ask your doc/cbt therapist what you can do to lower your stress levels/hormones so you can get rid of these debilitating symptoms. See what they say.

    Do you drink tea ? I read tea lowers cortisol. Have a brew, listen to stand up comedy. Get yourself in a good place. Let your body/brain recover.

    The nap thing - just nightmares. No significance. Your sleeps disturbed. If I wake in the morning tired and gradually fall back asleep until later in the morning I'll wake having nightmares every time. It's just a sign your sleeping pattern and hormones are disturbed. My nightmares feel like PTSD too. But if I sleep normal at the right times I don't get any.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2014

    Re: Can anyone help me & relate to this?...

    Thanks a lot mate youve been a great help i really do appreciate it.
    I dont actualy drink tea very often but il give it a try also the same with the herbs i will pick some up tomorrow i need to pick up some more cocunut oil.

    I was looking at meditation the is a place not far from me that holds sessions so il give that a try, i was even thinking about trying hypnotherapy ive read it been successful in some cases. I have been using a cd the dr lent me but i found it no longer worked as well, i usualy listen to smooth fm on my phone to help going to sleep, tends to work quite well.
    Also the swimming idea is a great idea, its things like this that should be told to the likes of myself weeks ago by the dr - there isnt enough help or guidance really.
    It would save a lot of suffering for a lot of people.

    Thanks again mate. Im really greatful for your help.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2013

    Re: Can anyone help me & relate to this?...

    No problem. Tell us how your blood tests and stuff go.

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