Trying to fight a controlling, manipulative colleague who is making me unhappy

[Tessar]

Where do I begin? This has been going on for sooooo long. I am really sick and tired of this colleague of mine.
Chip, chip, chip....... she chips away at me all the time. It's like what can't she just leave me alone & let me do my job? She's one of those needlessly loud people who makes noise whatever she is doing. Its nearly impossible to get her out of my head. She's just so irritating, that's what I call her "my irritating colleague".
Last Friday she pushed me over the edge. She keeps on making remarks about what time I get into work.... even though she has no authority over me. So I did rather launch into one. I am usually very patient & laid back. I don't generally get angry, well I did last Friday. I am so sick of the sound her her voice and her criticism.
She now knows in no uncertain terms that my timekeeping & how I work my hours has nothing to do with her. She even tried to say I was the one with the problem! Well I threw that one right back in her face.
Today in a conversation between her, myself & our boss - she said i didnt pass on part of a message to her! This was an out & out lie & reflected badly on me. I sent my boss an email to say that I had passed the whole message on. No way am I letting her get away with it. No way. My boss replied just enforce I left to say I can chat to her about it if I want. I think I will. I have nothing to lose.
Added to this, I have asked to move desks, I just have to get away from her. Plus where I sit it is so hot I can't cope with the heat. It's ridiculous, I suffer badly with my hormones including hot flushes. I feel angry because my manager is dragging her heels about this. I must chase her up about it tomorrow.
All this is all so frustrating. I find fronting up to overbearing people really hard. assertiveness doesn't come easily as i was bullied for years. Bit by bit though I am clawing away at the bad going on here. I won't let them win & I won't lie back or roll over. No.
So, this irritating colleague isn't to be trusted & worse she seems hell bent on winding me up. I came of fluoxetine recently & am having some difficulties with anger. At the moment I'm just about holding it in check but this woman is pushing all my wrong buttons. I really wonder what her problem is? Why are some people like this? What pleasure do they gain from it.
It feels like such a pointless fight. Why does this woman have to make life so difficult? I know she is jealous of other colleagues liking me. And why do they like me? Because I am cheerful, kind, considerate, caring and.... Most importantly I am good at my job, I go about my business quietly & am conscientious.
This woman's made frequent remarks to me that she is envious. Also clearly she is jealous because recently I made comments to my boss that my manager was being very unkind in her manner towards me & I was fed up with being treated like that. Since then this manager has been more pleasant. But my colleague is jealous!
Honestly, I'm bldy fed up with this situation, I got angry earlier telling my partner what had gone on at work today. She seemed quite shocked, I cried as well (quite alot). It's the frustration involved.
I feel better for typing this. Makes me realise I mustn't give up. I can't afford to let this scheming woman win. But I am sick of having to fight her. It would be more productive if I could put my energy into doing my job.
I think I had better wind it up, meant to be bed time and being irate isn't exactly the relaxing preparation for bed that I need.
Well.... Thank you for listening because it helps.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. I hope so.......

[aprilmoon]

I hope so to hun
Take care x

[Oosh]

People have gotten under my skin like that at work too.
I think youve done the right thing in calmly pointing the situation out to others involved. Then id keep calm, let the others then see for themselves what she does, stay calm and give her the rope to hang herself with.
Everyone will then look for it from her and when she does it theyll see it. Meanwhile you sit back calmly and let that happen.
Continue to communicate well with your boss and other colleagues and do the great job youve been doing.

You say youve just come off prozac. Well was this colleague doing these things when you were on prozac too ?
Has it just started ?
Or were you more able to handle it on prozac ?

[Annie0904]

This colleagues certainly needs putting in her place as it has been going on for too long now. Your boss seems to be quite understanding so maybe you should let her know about the situation.
I went through the same at work with a colleague and I never stood up for myself. One other colleague did stand up to her and she totally ignores her now and won't speak to her which shows just how childish she is.
It is not fair that one person should get away with making work so miserable for you.
You are getting so much better at being assertive so just remember how important you are and don't let her walk over you. Sending you hugs to help you through the day

[Tessar]

Thanks april moon.

Oosh, you are right. i do need to remain calm. fortunately i have always managed that but it sure is a challenge at times.
Its definitely a case of being able to handle it better when i was on prozac. I've been on it 2 yrs & felt it was best to have a break. I am trying some "Rhodiola" to see if that might help but i do need to get into a regular habit of taking it!
This colleague has been dishing out her bad moods onto others for a looooong time (like 2+ years). It's only now i have been able to build up the strength to confront her.
I was doing well with it but then my brother died. It dug up a whole host of unpleasant memories & I had to deal with feelings the rest of my family had (long story). So that did knock me back a long way. It left me vulnerable & of course in true bully fashion she pushed in through the gash in my defences.
I have a lovely colleague who is on long-term leave at the moment. She's back in October. Things will change then since I will have an ally. Before leaving she said "be careful" because she'll stitch you up. I did heed the warning & I am indeed standing my ground. Establishing boundaries.

Annie: The hugs are helping so much. You are right, I am important. I am going to speak with my boss as well. She's been busy in meetings today but the right moment will present itself. You are right, one person shouldnt be allowed to make me feel this miserable. I'm glad I am standing my ground, even if in the short-term it's making me feel worse.

Everyone.......... I have good news ...... I can move desks. I'll do it after work tonight. Oh it's going to be so funny when I move because she doesnt know yet. Surprised she didnt see me crawling under the desk I'm moving to. I was checking out the cables as I want to make sure it's all in order before I actually shift anything. I get a better view, I'll be out of the sun & away from the heat that comes through the window. But primarily I shall be away from HER!!!!
She has been better today. I have felt better as I found out first thing that I could move desks. What an absolute mess this all became. So glad I have my friends here to share with because it helps me enormously. I'm seeing my counsellor on Weds too. The timing of that couldnt be better.

So, if you've been bullied or if you are being bullied now, you let me know about it and I will do everything I can to help. Its so triggering to deal with stuff like this but it is necessary. Otherwise the frustration will destroy you. Its come close to it with me but I need to stay strong.

Bye..........

[Annie0904]

I am so pleased you are moving desks
Yes it is good timing that you are going to see your counsellor as I am sure she can help you to deal with the situation.
It is quite funny that you should mention this today (funny isn't the right word but you know what I mean) as I was dreaming about my old work place last night and my bullying colleague and she was having 'a go' at me in my dream. We do have to stand up for ourselves. When I first read your post I was thinking "I need to go and sort her out for Tessar"!!!!! I have done it for others at work who were bullied but could never do it for myself. I guess we just have to realise that we need standing up for just as much as any one else and do it for ourselves.

[Tessar]

Hey Annie.... I cud really do with someone like you to come and sort her out. Trouble is, she's got away with it for far too long. Our manager is another moody person so she probably thinks overbearing & undermining behaviour is acceptable.
Ironically i nesrly went 4 weeks before gojng back to my counsellor but thrn changed it to 3. Must have been fate. its hard to know what frequency to visit but in this occasion it is perfect.
We had agreed I would try to be more assertive with this colleague. Earlier last week I felt I was still "letting her get away with it" & was thinking I won't have anything to take to my session. It felt like i was ketting myself down. Well, I certainly turned that one around in the last few days. Perhaps my colleague did me a favour in annoying me so much I felt compelled to tell her what for.
I mustn't forget hiw this unfolded for me. The night before I heard my mother was in hospital. Worse she'd been in there 2 days & my father hadn't let me know. So you can imagine I was feeling really angry. She picked the wrong day to laugh at me. But rather than follow the habit of a lifetime & kep the anger inside, I used it to good effect. Boy did she know she had p1$$ed me off.

Annie, I know what you mean about it being "quite funny that you should mention this today". Your dream was also well timed. I appreciate how you wanted to "go and sort her out for Tessar". I am the same in being able to do it for others who were bullied.
Well at I AM doing it for myself. at last!! You are right about "we just have to realise that we need standing up for just as much as any one else and do it for ourselves". So yes, that is me.
I have to say it has been incredibly difficult. My emotions have been so up & down. Last night I was at my wits end, so emotional like I wanted to have an absolutely massive tantrum - screaming & shouting. As an adult though that's not really appropriate I suppose.
I think the outburst I did have shocked my partner. But letting the emotions out properly is necessary sometimes. Beneficial too. I was in a determined frame of mind today. I worked so hard.
Meanwhile my irritating colleague seems to have backed right off. I am staying civil, waiting for her to come out with some caustic remark. I will be ready.
The Tessar has turned!!!!!!!
My friends..... You all really help me on my emotional roller coaster. A mixture of feeling really upset (wanting to sob like a child) but also suffocating anger (So bad it feels like my body or brain will explode). Getting the words out here is so helpful. I feel like I have the backing of you all, means a lot. I am not alone.

[aprilmoon]

You go Tessar!! xx

[Tessar]

Cheers april moon.

[spuder]

What a bitch she sounds good news u r moving desks good for u. When I worked there was a bitch that made my life hell I quit cause of her but u shouldn't way to go u