Made myself sick with worry.

[Neon]

The last few weeks I've been a complete wally and what started as a harmless little itch has turned into full blown illness and it's all my fault. Which is why I'm here so that I can learn some new skills to cope with my health anxiety.

I had an itch in my groin, could have been anything (it's not that unusual for me, I just freaked out for some reason), but I decided it was either cancer (of various types) a nasty std (just to hype myself up even more), or I was riddled with parasites. I treated myself for thrush and jock itch, got myself examined twice by some very good gynaecologists and they found nothing, all these things irritating my poor insides, making me feel worse and setting off other problems. By this point the itch had turned into full blown meltdown. Due to stress and symptom checking all day for weeks I got a bladder infection, which turned into a resistant kidney infection as by this point id become depressed and stopped eating/drinking/sleeping. All these symptoms aggravating other problems like fatigue, chest pain, etc. After a second course of antibitotics I felt a bit better but then due to chest pains and breathing problems I was sent to A&E to check it wasn't heart problems, where I had a big panic attack in the middle of the waiting room and made a complete fool of myself. They then found I had gastritis (maybe a stomach ulcer) which was probably caused by the antibiotics and by just generally being run down.

I've slowly become underweight which has given me to doorway to google-diagnose myself with all manner of horrible illnesses, one of which being Bilharzi (yes, I did ask the question could I be the first case of uk infected bilharzi) but thankfully I've had a big wake up call via this website and I now seem to be recovering from my self induced sickness.

Firstly- panic attacks are awful awful horrible things. I collapsed with excruciating pins and needles in my arms which in turn seized up to the point I couldn't unfold my arms. The head doctor had to come take blood from me because I'd stressed myself out so much my body started to shut down and nobody could get blood. Luckily they were LOVELY doctors and had so much empathy towards me, which helped as I have big trust issues with doctors.

Secondly- gastritis SUCKS. And it's horrid knowing I did this to myself because of health anxiety. I'm greatful but this has got to stop. Kidney infections and peptic ulcers can be very serious. I need to get a grip!

I'm now at home trying to love myself a bit so I can get better soon. I've stopped symptom checking. I've employed distraction techniques. And I've admitted I'm a hypochondriac. I had therapy last year for a similar problem so I'm helping myself based on those techniques too. I'm wary of taking any new medications or supplements until my stomach has healed a bit but wow... What a waste of a month :(

[Fj2014]

Hey neon!!
How are you doing now??
Your situation sounds so so similar to my own - what started out as a stomachache led me to a uti, one trip to the gp, one to the sti clinic and two trips to a&e!!
I'm now achey, have a flared up cyst in my ovary and a possible stomach ulcer due to all this stress - googling symptoms can be pretty bad!!!!
What distraction techniques are you using now?
I got a clean bill of health and a reality check yesterday when I forced my poor boyfriend to spend 4 hours in a&e for nothing but back home alone and worrying again!!
If you can offer any tips I'd be so grateful !

Fj xxx

[Neon]

My current distractions change daily depending on what works but I find house work incredibly hard because my mind wanders so I prefer to do jobs that require thought, like putting together flat pack furniture or sorting paperwork. Anything that requires focus. If I come across a trigger I allow myself to acknowledge it but then quickly divert myself onto something else. The moment I start progressing with the fear I start feeling physically bad and that's what I'm trying to avoid. It's a very conscious behaviour which is the hardest part. It's SO easy to forget to correct your thoughts and then in a split second I'm panicking. The best thing is asking myself 'is this symptom life threatening NOW' or can I wait 24hrs to see how it acts. Normally the symptom vanishes within the hour so I know it's not very important and perhaps psychological which helps get a perspective on how I'm really feeling. I'm also avoiding all medical websites etc as they're infuriating. I know they have to be cautious but I'm so tired of reading my symptoms equal all sorts of horrific illnesses that I don't have. It has made me worse TRYING to look after my health so I'm just letting things 'go' and seeing how things progress. I'm alive right now. I can't let myself think about tomorrow/next year etc yet.

[SADnomore]

Well done, Lianne! You have come out of this experience with a firm grip on the fact that it isn't "this" or "that illness", it's not actually your health at all but in fact it's anxiety. Which is easily treatable, no tests required! You are practicing techniques you have learned, and you are living in today! In a way you are lucky, so many people rush around through their days and don't appreciate the gift of being alive right now, today, enjoying life and getting on with things. Don't beat yourself up, you are doing so well now! Keep it up! You go girl!
Marie xx