New here and dealing with ocd 'flare up'. Can someone help?

[Liz whiz]

Hi there,


I'm new to this forum and hope to help people and give back when I feel better myself.

I was diagnosed with ocd when I was 18 and I am 23 now. It used to be mainly contamination fears and some checking compulsions (which I still mildly have) but then moved on two years ago to harm and sexual intrusive thoughts.

I recovered from a bad episode of really bad anxiety concerning these 2 years ago and have done well at coping since. I am on medication, have had cbt, and have even climbed kilimanjaro to raise funds for 'Mind' which was good to have this to focus on. I have still had distressing thoughts but have been able to dismiss them more easily. This hasn't stopped some flare ups but I have been able to move on from them.

The past few weeks have been particularly band though. Something triggered anxiety and my head has been full of intrusive thoughts since, moving on from one to the next. I love my nieces and nephew so much, and would never want to do anything bad to them. My latest issue has been a thought of me harming my niece in a horrible way which was really distressing, and my anxiety rose significantly. I then pushed it aside and later on was playing ball with her in the garden. I think on some level I was reassuring myself at this point - that it was all ok. But I feel confused about what was going on in my head at this point. Then a thought came not my head which was 'I want to harm her' in a particular way. It's too horrible to write. I could almost feel by brain conjuring it up (but as I said, I'm confused now) This caused a rise in anxiety straight away. Because the thought started with 'I want...' and it used horrible language and has made me feel almost ill about it since, it has been stuck. I have been asking myself Why would my head come up with something like that? Where did it come from? Why would the thought start with 'I want...' ? Is it just the anxiety or is it because I'm awful?

I love them loads and people are always saying I'll make a great mum someday - and I hope I will.

I just feel so stuck at the moment. I'm going on holiday next week and have been really looking forward to it but I'm not now - because I think I'll just ruin it with this.

If anyone can help please do. Just having someone who understands would be good. I don't really know anyone who 'gets' it.

Thank you.

[copper]

Now I may not have dealt with an OCD flare up, seeing as that I'm new to OCD (well, sort of), but I do understand those violent/sexual intrusive thoughts. I am currently trying new meds (prozac), along with psychotherapy. I'm curious to know what worked for you? And though, I can't provide you with what to do on flare ups--understand that you are not alone in your struggle.