Doing it By the Spoonful

[fduop]

Good Morning Everyone. Well I guess I should say I'm sticking my toe back into the water again. My final two classes will begin April 14, and hopefully this will be the last time. I've been working steady since 2008 to get to this point, so I might as well finish the journey.

Lately a lot of attention has been directed at people with mental health issues. I myself posted a comment to a major American newspaper about the stigma of being labelled with a mental health challenge. And how that label can affect your life, career, and family relations. Over the next few days I received some favorable comments. But at the same time I also received a number of not so favorable comments.

In a way it doesn't surprise me that the general public feels the way they feel. For a millennia those of us with mental health issues have been considered "defective" or "broken". Without getting too political one would hope that in this age of information, people would take the time to inform themselves of the truth. But in reality many would rather stick their heads in the sand and stay ignorant.

[MrAndy]

we have a good organisation in the UK rethink.org that does a lot of charity work towards changing peoples perception of mental health and its stigmas.I am a great supporter of them.I went on a 12 week CBT group therapy course with them and it really helped me a lot
Take care fduop and ignore the bad comments you got, some people are just ignorant A holes

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yeah, ignore the comments. If you look at the reader comments of any newspaper it has its far share of trolls and people arguing with them.

I sometimes tell people on here to access another forum for advice on finances but I always tell them not to divulge what they say on here because that place has its share of uncaring self opinionated people, its not like on here.

The charity MIND also has plenty of online service user stories and I'm sure the US charities will too.

People with any power are very careful what they say due to the backlash element, so you can guarantee that the ones dishing out the vitriol will be people who just don't matter in life.

[fduop]

I more than understand what you mean by trolls in the comment sections. So being able to come here and vent or look for support is a great thing. I would also like to stress how valuable this site has been to me. If you read my postings, I try and be open and honest as I can about my panic/anxiety. So having a forum with like minded individuals has been a Godsend.

My point here is to reinforce what MyNameIsTerry and what Venus have said, let's donate and support this site. I'm here in the US and donating was a simple thing to do. If I can spend money on Spotify, Netflix, and Amazon Prime. I'd be a hypocrite not to donate and support this wonderful site. Which I get as much out of, if not more, than the other three sites I subscribe to.

So hit that donate tab on the homepage.

[fduop]

Good Morning Everyone. Recently I had posted that I was considering "dipping my toes" back into the water of school and public work. Well I wanted you to be the first to know, I maybe diving in headfirst. I say that because I'm scheduled to begin classes again on April 14. Then this week I got an offer from a former employer to come back to work, which I accepted.

At the moment I felt real positive about doing this, but now that the confetti has fallen, I'm having second thoughts. But isn't that the way it always is? (Forgive my murdering of the English language.) We begin to feel some resemblance of normal, only to discover those old hidden fears and anxieties rising to the surface again.

I'm not going to end this post with some flowery affirmation or matra like "seize the day" or "quitters never win", I've gotten smarter than that. What I will say is, I'm going to do it by the spoonful. Taking each day as it comes, putting myself out there a little more and a little more. That's what got me through school so far and it's what I'll do to complete this journey.

[fduop]

Good Evening Everyone. Well this week I've been priming myself to do what I have to do, as far as, working with this business. For me the problem is to overcome my dislike of selling. I guess it comes from some bad experiences I've had in the sales field. The product I'm selling is a pretty good product and the people I work with seem to be really nice. It's just getting over that bad taste sales leaves in my mouth.

You may ask, why do you keep trying sales if you feel that way? I guess my reply would be, despite my condition anxiety/panic, I'm a pretty easy going person who genuinely enjoys meeting new people and making new connections. Which in a way is quite the oxymoron to my sometimes agoraphobia.

Still late in the day, after making myself plenty of excusing to call it quits. I pushed myself to get out of the room and make a pitch to a local business owner. I was received well by the owner and frankly felt really good when I left. I guess the moral to my little story is, sometimes being uncomfortable is what you need to get your ass out of the room.

[fduop]

Good Morning Everyone. The last few nights I've had a lot of trouble getting to sleep. Maybe it's the pressure I put on myself to do well at this position. Maybe it's just allergy season having it's way with me. Either way, it's not too far out of my routine, which is going to sleep okay and waking up around 3 or 4 am, except now I'm not going to sleep till 3 or 4.

I do "feel" a bit of physical tension, but as far as mental tension I don't "feel" that bad. This maybe due to the Prozac increase or that what I'm experiencing is purely a physical thing. Either way, I going to "take a chill pill" (other words relax and create) for a day or two. Then refocus on work.

During this current episode of panic (the last few years) I've thrown myself into such a cocoon of isolation. Getting out among the living maybe a root to the sleep tension. But while an important thing to consider, my heart tells me to allow my mind to relax and focus on now. I realize I put off a bit of a Buddhist vibe with the mediation stuff. But that along with my Christian upbringing have found a comfortable happy medium where I find peace.

Anyway, let me leave you with this thought. Change can be very uncomfortable, especially for someone as set in their ways as I. But every now and then, stirring the pot is a good thing. It allows the various parts of yourself to blend and marinate together, much like a great soup. Where when you start each ingredient has it's own value, but when blended with other ingredients creates a wonderful symphony of flavor. In other words, focus on yourself as a whole. Because good, bad, or ugly it's what makes you, you.

[fduop]

Good Evening Everyone. Getting ready to watch/listen to some baseball, my home team the Atlanta Braves are doing well. But I really wanted to mention a few things before the game.

For one I'm still not sleeping very well, as I mentioned earlier. I don't "feel" any tension as I had in the past with this problem. But just like clock work, I end up getting up around 3 or 4 in the morning and having trouble getting back to sleep. I also noticed I'm remembering my dreams where in the past I hadn't. This may not be important, the dreams don't seem real stressful. But for a long while I didn't remember my dreams.

My job is going okay, although I wasn't out much today due to rain. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else here has had this trouble. At least I have a therapist appointment Friday. This is yet another therapist, but hopefully we can set some ground rules and get off on better footing than the "texting therapist" I had last.

The only advice she gave that I thought was of value was that I "thought" too much. Which led me to some Buddhist teachings on meditation that I've spoke about. Which in a way is kinda funny (ironic) considering she was always pushing her own religious dogma.

Still I'm feeling pretty good anyway, just remember it's fighting the small battles that wins the war.

[fduop]

Good Evening. If I had to post a thought today it would be, misery loves company. I say that because at least I post here to relieve stresses that I'm feeling and also because I know that there are people in here that know the things I go through. So I hope you realise what I mean by misery loves company.

Putting our thoughts down for me is a stress reliever. I watched a bio on a singer yesterday and she discussed how putting down bad situations in song helped her deal with the stresses of life. Ironically, the artist wasn't Taylor Swift (bad joke). Still, it got me thinking about how I use this forum as a stress reliever.

I guess my point here is to say, you don't have to be alone with your panic. Although the majority of you on this site are an ocean away from me, it doesn't matter. By finding this site by pure chance, it has helped me greatly in finding myself. So don't let your panic/anxiety rob you of another day of life. Take every tiny victory you can. Because lots of little victories create a big solution.

[fduop]

Good Morning Everyone. For a minute I want to go off topic and talk about compassion. In my struggle to overcome anxiety/panic a lot of it has to do with my low self esteem. Rather it was brought on by others or just myself, not having a good healthy opinion of yourself can lead to a whole mess of problems including anxiety/panic.

In my life I can trace most of my problems back to a family that wasn't/isn't good at expressing love nor affirmation toward one another. Not to bog you down in the details but, looking back and considering my families background. While I could sit here and throw blame at some, I've decided instead to give compassion to those who hurt me. I've found that by doing this I'm actually watering the seeds of compassion on myself. You see, if you continue and allow yourself to water and grow the seeds of bitterness inside yourself. You're doing nothing but hurting yourself and your relationships. When I read about this in both biblical and buddhist text, it really opened my eyes to the anger I was holding against others and ultimately against myself. So learning to forgive and have compassion for others is really being compassionate to yourself.

I think the thing that got me really thinking about this today was reading the headlines this morning of all the hatred and bitterness in the world today. If we would only practice the true compassion we read about in our sacred text. There would be no room for hatred, killing, greed, or envy.

As we each go about our day, lets think about the grief we give ourselves for not being what we could. Instead give yourself some compassion and understanding and while you're at it extend some of that compassion to an enemy or friend that may have wronged you. You may soon discover that by extending love to others, you have also extended a bit of forgiveness to those tortured parts of yourself.