Doing it By the Spoonful

[fduop]

Good Morning.

Funny how time seems to get away from you when your having fun. Well, my sinus issue turned into laryngitis, which turned into acute bronchitis. So after a four visit to an empty Sunday morning ER, and another sleepless night, here I am.

Normally you would think I'd be in bed and maybe I should. But I have a 9 am appointment with a pharmacist about more $$$ medication. While I feel bad and would much rather be taking it easy, it's day end of the month and these bills aren't going to pay themselves. Besides I'm kinda pissed.

Not at the ER and anyone else but at myself. I should have stayed on top of my health situation, I'm not 25 year old or even a healthy 55 years old. Still I waited till the crack of dawn and went for a walk. I'm glad that I did, because it is a beautiful morning the suns out not a cloud in the sky, and I got to wave at all the "normal" people to their life sucking jobs.

If you take anything from this I suppose it should be. It's okay to be mad at yourself, as long as you know how to forgive yourself. And you can do that by living your life as best you can.

[fduop]

Good Morning.

You ever notice there's a little bit of euphoria right after you been sick for a while? I suppose that's what I'm going through now. I've been away for a week due to bronchitis and an ear infection, simply focusing on getting rid of it. The medication I was prescribed has worked, so I've been enjoying a few days of feeling like my old self.

While I'm still regaining my strength, I definitely feel a sense of gratitude for being healthy again. My public writing for the past few days has focused on gratitude and clutter. Narrowing the focus on our shared situation, you may think you have little to be grateful for, but in reality we do.

Our lives require us to dig a little deeper into our psyche to fight for the things seek. It demands more of an effort from us to achieve a sense of normalcy. So in a way we appreciate more than value of leading normal productive lives. De-cluttering our lives is another way to rid ourselves of the burden of living the status que. For many of us the burdens of life only add to our shared burden. Maybe it's time to let go of a few things and live a clutter-free life.

[scarlettfreyy]

It's the opposite with mine and I did find this helpful. Thanks!

[fduop]

Good Morning.

Been MIA for a few days. Just haven't been able to string more than a few words together lately. I suppose that dark cloud that hangs over us decided to hang around for a few days. Even now I'm just not "feeling it" when it comes to giving a pep talk or trying to be encouraging.

I hope this doesn't bring anybody down, but the truth is the truth. My point in writing at all is to be honest about my journey with panic and anxiety. And at the moment I'm just tried and sitting back and focusing on myself. Always take a moment to focus on yourself, ask yourself questions, listen to the voices inside. Trying to shut out the pain only makes the wound fester and poison you even more.

[fduop]

Good Morning.

Got a little earlier than I normally do, but I did get a few things out of the way so hopefully the day won't be so boring. When you have panic at least I like to hear someone say, it's going to be a boring day. Too many time I remember getting anxious because I knew I had to go somewhere or do something. Those feelings would keep me up for days worrying.

To be honest I still have days like that, just a few weeks ago I had to drive my daughter to Savannah, GA to catch a plane. Considering I grew up in Savannah and lived there 36 years, you'd think even with panic I'd be used to it. Well I wasn't, her flight was at 8am which meant going through rush hour traffic to get to the airport. Needless to say I was a nervous wreck by the time I got out of there.

Looking back on that experience I can't say I learned anything. Besides the fact that I'm glad I left there. I guess my point is I made it. No matter how uncomfortable it was I got through it. Now at the moment this doesn't make me want to go and do that again any time soon. What it does give me is another arrow in my quiver against the panic and anxiety I live with.

None of us are perfect and at some point we all fail. At least try and move forward and create for yourself a better day.

[fduop]

Good Morning.

It's too early to tell how this day's going to go yet. So I can't sit here and judge it just yet. But if yesterday is an indicator, then it should be a productive day. At the moment I'm working to edit my next book of life stories. The process has me going back and looking at stories from a number of years ago.

Much like reading ones journal, it's interesting to see the progress or changes I've made. For me it was a fight to get through school, then a fight to make a name for myself in my chosen field. Then finally today, I'm doing something I never thought I'd have the chance to do.

For all of you out there struggling with your panic or other mental health issues. Life is going to be a struggle, no doubt about it. But even if we all had normal lives it would be a struggle still. The thing is try. Try and do the best you can one day at a time. Don't beat yourself up for the failures. Get up and keep moving. It's all any of us can do.

[fduop]

Good Morning.

Yesterday was an interesting day. Someone I thought I had gotten chummy with and joked around with suddenly got offended and belligerent. Now I'll be the first to admit what I said was rough, but by this point we had exchanged friendly jabs for a while.

There sudden change in attitude took me aback and frankly ruined an otherwise good day. Now in days past I would shank into a corner and beat myself up for it. But that isn't the person I am now. So instead I took the high road, deleted them from my account and wrote a number of new stories expressing my disappointment.

In situations where your dealing with issues such as all of us do. The best thing to do is pull yourself up and take control of the situation. I could have easily fallen into old habits and hide in a corner beating myself in the head for being a bad person. Instead we all should be proactive, grab the problem by the balls, and really want to be better.

How do we do that? Well for each of us it's different. My way may not be your way. The point is learn that we make mistakes, quit beating ourselves up about it, and do better. I can't say it any plainer than that. Want to be a better human. Find your own way to peace. And love the person you are, warts and all.

[fduop]

Good Morning.

Sorry I been away, I've been ill this past week with a viral infection, again. So I just took the time off to recuperate. Feeling a little better today, but I think I'll take it a little easy till next Monday. I guess if nothing else we can talk about how our physical body can effect our mental attitude.

I know for me with health anxiety issues and my physical health are definitely tied together, causing changes in my attitude and my outlook on things. Even when I feel fine there are times when my health anxiety weigh in on the back of my mind. The consist checking my blood pressure or heart rate, things that while I are perfectly okay, rob my mind of peace.

For me the key was letting go of the fear. Now to say that's an easy thing to do would be a lie. It's something I work at nearly everyday through walking meditation and mindfulness. But even then the specter of anxiety can creep in and robs me of my peace.

The thing is you don't have to be perfect, just trying. That's all any of us can do. Forgiving yourself of your shortcomings also plays an important role in our healing. I've learned to take the good with the bad and to roll with the punches. Life is all about the drama and the joy. Keep it balanced and hopefully you'll be able to tolerate the lesser days.

[fduop]

Good Morning.

There's an old country song by Tanya Tucker with the line, "Like two sparrows in a hurricane, trying to find there way...". Today sorta reminds me of that due to Subtropical Storm Alberto heading by us. Probably the most we'll see is plenty of rain, which we don't need at the moment. But you never know, we not see many now rain till September.

Life is like that some days, it's hot and dry one minute the next cloudy and raining. The best I can tell you is to roll with the punches and do you best. None of us like rough times, but that certainly don't prevent them from happening.

The only thing we can do is prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Know that not every day is going to be sunny. Understand rain is going to fall and don't beat yourself up over it. Live your best life, know that we all fail every now and them. So fold up the lawn furniture and wait out the storm.

[fduop]

Good Morning.

Woke up too early this morning but went ahead and got caught up on my correspondence and pill taking. At the moment I'm a little dizzy but the meds and my breakfast should take care of that.

I suppose if nothing else life isn't near as exciting as we'd like it to be. Even celebrities have routines that in the long run become boring. But that doesn't mean we can give up. It means we fight to keep our normal, or routines.

If your like me and you've spent time in the abyss of depression and fear. Then you know having a normal boring day can be a Godsend. To continue to fight to be as boring as you want to be.