America

[NE21 worrier]

Hello folks,

Got a bit of a dilemma here. My friend is planning a pre-wedding holiday in USA next but she needs to organise things now and I think she has doubts over how well I will cope. There is some context to this - I had a terrible panic attack in May when visiting Yarm with her and the bunch (as per this thread), although this was when I was under pressure at work.

I have now changed my job, and it has got better generally - but, as I'm learning new stuff, I still feel under a certain amount of pressure... and panic set in before a trip to Carlisle (as per this thread), although I am glad to say I did eventually make and enjoy the trip.

Anyway, this is her pretty understanding text following the Yarm 'incident':
Hi Pete,
Hope you are feeling better from the weekend and the week is going well for you. Anyway, I have been thinking about the holiday and I think it would be good if you had a serious think (and even a discussion with a professional) as to whether you think you will be able to handle going.
It will be two weeks in a country you have never been to travelling about nearly every other day. Some of the places, we may be over 5hrs from any medical attention. It would be great if you felt up to it but if you come to think you wouldn't be able to, then I would totally understand.

Ultimately, I know this is my choice - but I would like some advice if what I am considering sounds reasonable. The idea of the holiday is a bit of a roadtrip, destination Las Vegas. To be honest, the roadtrip bit is the thing that needs organising but it is the thing which I am least interested in doing. I find travelling tough at the best of times and hiring cars and driving long distances is not that appealing.

Las Vegas is bloomin' appealing to me, though, as a one-off - will still be a bit of a push for me, but I think I can do it and enjoy it. You only live once and all that. Consequently, what I was thinking of doing would be just to fly out myself and just go for the last leg in LV, even organising this myself if it is too complicated for me to be included in their plans at this point.

Advice welcome if this sounds like a good/reasonable plan. Sorry for the long post, I just wished to explain the full context, really.

Thanks,
Peter

[Annie0904]

I think your plan sounds a good one Peter You have survived all your other holidays and even enjoyed them...just feel the fear and do it anyway!
The road trip sounds exciting but if you feel it is too much for you then your plan is a great compromise. I travelled from coast to coast USA and back again in 1980 on a greyhound bus. (before my anxiety kicked in!). You only live once Peter so make the most of it and just go for it! I have faith in you that you can do it.
I am pleased that the new job is going well for you

[NE21 worrier]

Thanks Annie.

I guess the tough bit now is having to let my friend(s) know that I don't want to be involved in the roadtrip organising. Not exactly sure how I should write it - whether I should let them know about my Las Vegas plan or just sort that out myself.

This has also brought on the inevitable worry of what they will think of my decision. Will they think I've used my friend's message as an easy get-out, as a snub? I know I'm probably over-exaggerating their possible reaction - but it is of course what our minds do...

[Annie0904]

It sounds from your friends message that she is very understanding about your problems so you have no worries there and I am sure she will explain the situation to the other friends. Just tell her that you appreciate her concerns and that you agree that at the moment the road trip sounds a bit too much for you to cope with but you do want to be part of some of the trip and would like to join them in Vegas.
I think you should go to see Donny and Marie Osmond at the Flamingo hotel while you are in Las Vegas and if possible smuggle Donny back for me

[AnxietyDJ]

It sounds like an amazing trip and one of those things you don't do too many times in your lifetime... Part of me says go for it and just deal with things as and when they happen, but the other more anxious part of me knows exactly where you are coming from with regards to finding the ideas of such a big trip stressful.

The main thing that I think swings me towards going for it, is that you have people with you who know about your condition and seem to be supportive towards you, so that if you do feel a bit off at any time, you don't have to go through it alone.

If you do go, I will be very jealous of your stop off in Vegas!!

[Catherine S]

Hi Peter, sometimes the destination is better than the anticipation of it. I'm a terrible traveller whether its cars, trains boats or planes...my panic sets in way before I go anywhere. I've had one or two full blow panics on holiday but they've been worth it and I have great memories and can even laugh about the panics looking back. Ive got on and off trains, on and off buses and in and out of cars because of anxious feelings on journeys...takes me twice as long as everyone else to get anywhere, and my holidays can be sometimes controlled by what I can and can't cope with but that's fine, I know my limitations and don't have to join in with absolutely everything to enjoy myself.

Ive got a 6hr road trip coming up in August and all on motorways which are my absolute fear...feel very trapped on them...but I'm doing it anyway because I know the 4 days i'll be in the place i'm visiting with family will be worth the anxiety. Ok I know that's not the same as travelling all the way to America and I know that you're nervous about what will happen to you whilst there, but the anxiety is exactly the same wherever you go as you proved with your UK trips. Your panic attacks don't get bigger just because its a different country...a panic is a panic even if you're in the local supermarket.

You've had your panics in the past and you may well do so on this trip too but so what? do it anyway....don't let your anxiety control you, if it happens it happens its not a medical emergency, its just a set of feelings brought on by your anticipation of it happening. Never be afraid to have a panic attack in front of people who are good friends. Some people snore all night, others sing with headphones on...really badly. I have panic attacks...even-stevens i'd say!

Have a great time!
ISB x

[NE21 worrier]

Thanks for the replies, folks... trip isn't until next year so it's not actually troubling me so much. I always find making these sort of awkward decisions pretty tough, though, and I've just wanted to make what will be the best decision for me, then.

Simply put, I've decided against the road-trip but I have advised that I may fly out to Las Vegas to join them for that part of it, depending on the exact arrangements.

This was, in fact, what I wrote:
Been a really difficult one so thanks for giving me the time to weigh it all up. All things considered, I think I may be better off giving the road trip a miss. I don't want you to think that I have come to this decision simply becuase you offered me a get-out.
I've been trying to analyse how I have been recently and my condition is still irritatingly wildly inconsistent - and, as you will have noticed, exacerbated by travelling, of which there will be quite a lot on the trip as a whole, from what I can tell.
Of course, I would never want my condition to preclude me from trips, events etc. and, as odd as it may sound, I am still considering whether to join you for the Last Vegas visit. This would be something I would be happy to arrange for myself.
An apology for the length of the message, as ever(*). Just thought I needed to show you my workings out.

(*)I always write really long text messages, overexplaining everything(!)

Any thoughts on my explanation, folks? Thanks,
Peter

[Catherine S]

Sounds fine to me Peter, you're doing as much as you can with what your anxiety allows you to do and that's going to be much less stressful for you. Of course next year you may feel you can do more, but this is as much as you can offer right now. We all have different ways of dealing with this condition anyway, but for me that sounds like a good compromise.

I tend to send long texts and messages too, always covering every base lol! I can send a looooong facebook message to my son...I write it and re-write it and he replies to it with an "Okay ma"

ISB x

[Annie0904]

Sounds good to me too Peter Hopefully your anxiety will be much improved by next year anyway and you will have an amazing time

[Tessar]

Flying out & joining them there seems a great idea to me. My first big trip abroad included Vegas. We were on a coach trip so didnt have to drive. I remember sitting in a taxi & being unable to fathom out their roads at all. Since u r keen to see Vegas, why not fly out? Strikes me as a good alternative & an amazing thing to do.
My experience of trying something like this has been very positive indeed every time which is why I encourage you to go.
Sometimes it's best to stop debating and just do it.
Maybe the time has come for you?
Not only is the experience itself amazing, the amount of confidence it gives you in every day life is also a huge bonus.