Thanks guys! We have GRIT! And GUMPTION!!! You lot are so bloody encouraging - it's lovely.
Thought I'd do a summary of my experience below as I know that's what I have been looking for all the time.
Days 1-7 on 20mg: anxiety so bad that I could hardly stand it- 100 times worse than I felt before I took it. Sickness, diarrhoea, waking really early with the horrors. Lasted all day and eve. Ate nothing.
Day 8-14 on 20mg: a lot less intense but still very depressed, anxious jittery, almost manic, couldn't sit still. Still waking very early feeling absolutely awful. Still no appetite.
Day 15-19 on 20mg: Not great. Very bad mornings still. Start relaxing at 4pm and no anxiety from 8pm. All gastric side effects still present but some relief now in evenings.
Day 20-23 on 20mg: Much better in arvo and evening. Still anxious in mornings but more manageable. Still having waking terror but not as badly. No appetite.
Day 23-30: Feeling loads better, sleeping better, but still have diarrhoea and feel sick. Anxious in mornings but gone by lunch.
Day 30-37: Feeling great- completely back to normal but better- loads of energy and appetite back.
Day 38: A bad day. Side effects back and feel anxious and depressed.
Day 39-53: felt fantastic. Better than ever.
Day 54-55: Terrible. Anxious, depressed, waking early feeling awful. Back to square one. Visit doc and she increases my dose to 40mg so I've always needed higher doses in the past.
Day 1-6 on 40mg: Awful. All side effects back and some new ones. My eyes keep drooping shut, have headaches that aren't relieved by pain meds, dry eyes, dry mouth, diarrhoea, sickness, no appetite, hard to swallow. Anxiety and depression very high.
Day 7-10 on 40mg: felt a bit better. Bit brighter. Side effects still present.
Day 11-13: Awful again. As day 1-6.
Day 15-17: much better but really bad mornings still and waking early feeling awful.
Day 18-19: Worst days on 40mg. Feel absolutely awful. Terrible headache, dry eyes and mouth, derealisation, falling asleep on my feet, sickness, diarrhoea, no eating at all and bad bad anxiety and depression.
Day 20: Today- feeling a bit better. Woke up feeling really bad but once I got going I felt better. No appetite and nausea still there but nowhere near like yesterday. Feel uncomfortable in my own skin but am coping. Feel like I am suffering more with the side effects today that my my actual illness.
Will continue this diary when I am fully better!