I cannot continue to cope without sleep

[eeyorelover]

Sorry to hear about your father in law.
Hope things get better soon.
xxx
Sandy

[sandie]

Hello everyone

Thank you for all your messages of support - it really does help, particularly when the support comes from people who UNDERSTAND.

I was supposed to go with my husband yesterday to be with mum, help sort things out and help make arrangements for the funeral etc. As the day wore on it become clear that I really wasn't coping very well, was beocming increasingly stressed and that perhaps the 5 hour drive wasn't a good idea. Consequently I've stayed at home - mum is coming back with my hubby, and she will be spending christmas with us. We will all go back for the funeral after christmas. Having mum here will give me something to focus on, instead of wallowing in my own issues. My husband is an only child; in addition to losing his father, he has had to cope with all the terrible issues we've had this year, and the burden I have become for him; don't ask me why but he doesn't see it as a burden - I've become so aware of what broad shoulders he has, but he is only human for goodness sake!!

So many of my issues are deep-rooted and need to be SORTED OUT FOR GOOD. I am due for CBT, but it won't happen for a couple of months yet. In the meantime I'm going to get hold of some self-hypnosis and relaxation downloads to help me try to get a handle on things.

I HAVE GOT to get a grip on things myself - no-one is going to wave a magic wand. I stopped the ziomovane sleepers a week ago - they weren't helping anyway. I haven't had a propanalol since yesterday lunch-time - they may well have been contributing to my insomnia. I've started more and more to talk to my PAs - to challenge them, and to try to use coping mechanisms. I know we should wean ourselves off meds, but I feel inclined to just stop - as of this moment, and cope with the palps and PAs in a different way.

Last night I slept well - much better than I have for many weeks. As a consequence I feel better able to cope today - whether I will feel the same at lunchtime is another matter. I feel lonely this morning but plan to keep busy until mum and hubby are home. Today may be a good day, but I hope if that's the case its not a "one-off".

Thanks to you all - take care.

Sandie

[groovygranny]

Sandie, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

We are all here for you, as you know already, I just say (again) thank God for NMP.

I too am an only child who lost my father two years ago come January, so I empathise with your dear hubby as I do with you. And what a dear he is giving you such support in the midst of his difficulties. I know it makes such a difference to have the love and support of a partner, something for us to give thanks for at times like this, eh?

Lots of love to you

GG

xxxbig hugxxx


'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'

[Piglet]

So sorry to hear about your father in law.

(((S)))

Love Piglet x

[clickaway]

Hi Sandie

Interesting to hear that you slept well last night. It is funny how situations, often bad situations can give us relatively good surprises like that.

I had to sleep over at my brothers last night and thought that would be an unsafe place as I usually prefer the comfort of my own home. Yet, the first time in about three weeks, I went to bed without the anxiety that comes on as soon as I hit the pillow.

I lost my mum 18 months ago and there was a lot to do in preparation for the funeral. Somehow, I was able to just get on with it. Maybe I was just so focused, that my anxiety thoughts didn't get a word in edgeways!

Take Care


Ray


http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[sandie]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. Well mum is here, and at 82 whilst she is still very independent she is, in her own way, quite hard work, and it is stressful. Last night I had a bl**dy awful night - just 2 hours sleep; I got quite distressed in the night and unfortunately disturbed my husband. Mum used the bathroom at 2 am and woke us - hubby got back to sleep but of course I didn't, Consequently I feel dreadful this morning - really shattered. I know she has to use the bathroom several times a night (she visited again at 5 am, but as I was already awoke it didn't seem to matter).

I'm really quite anxious about the whole thing - mum is with us until 28th when we all have to travel back for the funeral, christmas is stressing me enough as it is, without the certain knowledge that I KNOW I am going to be disturbed by her nighttime visits to the loo.

I did try a day without the propanalol yesterday, but the night was so bad, and the PAs were constant, pressure on the chest, tightening around the heart, constant palps etc. Today I'm back on - I really do think that I need to be in a much better place emotionally before I can let them go.

Thank god that when I'm as tired as I am today, I can share the "cannot cope feelings", with all of you, and hubby. He knows, because I've told him, that sometimes I feel so exhausted and so desperate, I'd just like to fall asleep for good.

Sandie

[rozie]

Sandie

My heart goes out to you. I know only too well how awful it is to have a lousey niight's sleep.

I think its a viscious circle too because the more we get churned up about whether or not tonight might be okay, the worse it gets .

I'm new here so don't know all your story but often it does seem to be meds that cause the insomnia. I have had friends who have no anxiety problems also tell me that they went through sleep pattern disruption as they approached menopause .

I have gone through awful phases of disrupted sleep myself and I wasn't even on any medication. Just like you, sometimes I would practically fall into bed some nights feeling sure I'd be dead to the world until morning only nope..within an hour or two, I'd be up again. In the end I had to convince myself it didn't matter..even though I was going to work looking like a complete wreck! I felt sure some colleagues thought I'd been out all night drinking.

I think you might be right about focusing on your Mother in law. It must be a terrible time for her and she will be glad of your support I reckon. I find too that having someone else to care for seems to take my mind off my own problems.

I wish you well and all I can say is that it WILL pass and you will get it sorted out.

[sandie]

Hi everyone

Just a quick update for you all (if you're interested).

For 2 nights running now I've managed 4 hours sleep - I know its not enough but its a heck of a lot better than it has been for over 3 months now.

Back up to full dosage of the propanalol - the anxiety palps and pains came back with a vengeance when I reduced.

Still anxious - not so much about christmas now, but the funeral on the 29th, and then that awful flat anti-climax feeling in early January.

2007 is going to be a year of such changes for us - that's inevitable. Mum has now started talking about selling up and us getting a place together. It would certainly solve a situation for us, and would obviously help with her loneliness and at 82 she does need support. Needs a LOT of thinking about though because I would be the one on whom it would impact the most.

I am coping better - it just goes to prove that the sleep thing can make such a difference. If I could somehow get the sleepto a more normal 6 or 7 hours then that would be brilliant.

Ron is going to download some self-hypnosis stuff this weekend for me as well as open an MSN for me.

Trying hard to keep positive and busy - been out 2 days running too with mum and it does help having someone with you.

Will keep you all posted.

Sandie

[chillx]

Hi Sandie,

Good to hear from you this morning and I am glad you are sounding more positive. Getting sleep certainly makes such a difference.

I think you are right to stick to the prescribed dose of propanalol especialy during this stressful time. Just take one day at a time and you will find the inner strength to cope. You will get through this.

Thoughts are with you.

chillx

[sandie]

Just a quick one worthy of some note, I haven't had a sleeping tablet for almost 2 weeks now!!!!

I take a warm glass of milk and an occasional melatonin (which is natural).

I THINK I'm gradually becoming more positive, but I KNOW there were be some dark days - I'm almost too hesitant to think too positively because I worry that hopes will be dashed suddenly. Its the 'what-if' scenario constantly in play!!

Sandie