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Thread: Barbie's letter to Santa

  1. #1
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    Barbie's letter to Santa

    Barbie
    c/o Mattel, Inc.
    El Segundo, CA 90245


    Santa Claus
    North Pole, North Pole
    December 23, 1996

    Dear Santa:

    Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
    Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
    tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
    better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
    trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998:


    Santa:

    1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
    How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
    like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?

    2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
    cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

    3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

    4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

    5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.

    6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.

    7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet,
    a public relations senior account exec!

    8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun,
    outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

    9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

    10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.

    Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line.
    If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new b**ch for next Christmas.

    It's that simple.

    Yours truly,
    Barbie


  2. #2
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    Ohhh Sandy lol that was class thank you. xx

    Take Care

    Mandyxx


  3. #3
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    loved it Sandy

    Trac xxx

    'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

  4. #4
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    thanks for that,

    anx x

    Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects

  5. #5
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    Piglet x

    "Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
    "Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

  6. #6
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    lol

  7. #7
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    hey that was good. lol lol

    nicole lainesse

  8. #8
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    You tell 'em, Barbie!!!

  9. #9
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    I liked it!

    happyone
    x

  10. #10
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    LOL

    onwards and upwards

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