Hiv phobia

[Sanaxoxoxo]

I think I'm taking it over board. I keep stepping on band aids and keep tellingn myself what if they had HIV and now I have it and my baby will get it. (I'm pregnant by the way) A couple of times I stepped on some with blood and the other times I didn't see blood but every time I do I throw away my sandals and wash my feet with rubbing alcohol then soap. And after I throw my shoes away I wash my hands literally 10 times with hot water and pour rubbing alcohol on them. Now I always wear socks when now eat sandals because I can just easily throw away socks if a band aid touches my feet. Also I check my shoes 20 times a day just to make sure there's no band aids stuck on them. I cry every time I do this to myself I don't want my child to see me do this. It all started when I was raped a long time ago maybe about 6 or 7 years ago and I thought I had HIV and had a phobia of doctors as well. Every time I got sick or had fevers I thought I had it so I didn't date at all and I finally met someone who didn't let my phobia get to him and loved me for me we became pregnant I had to of course get tested and came out negative but my OCD of washing hands and phobia if HIV has become worst. I need help I know I do I just don't know where to go.

[Lucy1234]

Hey, I totally understand this.

I had a 'scare' where a tiny bit of insulin from someon's pen got on my lip- I didn't swallow it or anything, but completely freaked out. I rang a doctor and descrobed the incident and he said not to worry about exposure as I hadn't seen blood or ingested anything. When you are feeling scared, it's really hard to trust even a doctor, or the nurse who agreed with him.

I think I know if I was in a more rational frame of mind, I could accept that, for example, no-one has ever caught hiv that way. If I see a story about a HIV case in the media- like that baby who was supposed to be clear and then came back with HIv again, it's like it re-inforces all my fears.

Like you, I worry about syringes everywhere, touching blood etc. The insluin incident was very triggering for me. Though I've never engaged in risky beahvious, I actually got a test once befroe to ease my enxiety. I'm not sure it was a good idea, as it becomes the new norm
for you, then you want to test even if doctors say there is no need.

Anyway, best of luck to you, I feel your pain and I wish for better days for both of us.

[Sanaxoxoxo]

Thank you I also wish you best of luck and I hope for us to one day get over our phobia there are days we can care less by trying to give the phobia up and the rest of the days we are in fear. Lots of of love to you from me : ) let's hope for our heart and mind to overcome this soon