Big setback?

[kirsty74]

Yep, starting again at the bottom rung is definitely frustrating!! Thanks for letting me know that you have 'disappeared' too. It really is reassuring to know that someone else knows what I mean-especially when I'm not 100% sure myself!! It helps a lot.

Oh well, if I'm back at the bottom of the ladder, the only way is up

[Neurotic Nick]

Im glad i could help a little And yeah the only way is up! I hope this time itll be a little easier and faster!

Im about to go out again today, this time with a friend, ready for anything...

[Carnation]

Hi, just a thought. My mum gets this with a particular shop. It's a 'Card Shop' and we have just realized that when she walks round, she sees all the cards to Mother, Father, Brother and such like and it triggers off her Panic Attack because she is thinking of the cards she bought for people that have passed away throughout her Life.
I was wondering if there was a particular shop that makes you nervous or triggers something or did something happen there that makes you feel uneasy?
I also suffer from Anxiety and my bad spots are the Car; particularly the Motorway and going to see my Mum. This is because I had a Car Accident and I was also looking after my Dad with Parkinson's and these places make me very Anxious.

[kirsty74]

Hope you had a great day with your friend yesterday! I'm getting to the local newsagent....one step at a time!

[Neurotic Nick]

Carnation: this will sound silly but its not the shops its the streets leading up to the shops. I think it might just be bacuse they have very narrow pavements that are slap against housefronts with no front gardens. Its like a narrow ravine filled with windows full of people staring at the odd fellow staggering around, or least thats what it feels like :P ive never liked walking down them even why i moved here about 7 years ago and didnt have a trace of agoraphobia yet... But ill try and give it some thought and see if theres another trigger that ive not quite realised yet.

Kirsty: yeah it was great! We walked to a bench a few streets away and i managed to sit there until the anxiety died down a fair bit. And tonight i managed to walk my dog halfway down my street wich isnt much but still an improvement to the last time i went outside at night! babysteps back towards where we were

[aprilmoon]

Well done Nick
Keep going!

[Neurotic Nick]

Thanks april!

Well i have good news and bad news. In the last few days ive started exercising with directions from my physical therapist. Some very light resistance training. In the first few days i noted a marked improvement in mood and drop in anxiety. So of course i was feeling pretty good about it.

But today ive hit another bump, i had another huge panic attack in the one place i thought i had mastered: my car. It was one of those where you think youre gonna crash and die :(
But when i got home i calmed down and just carried on. I exercised, showered and had a healthy meal. But since then i feel this overwhelming sadness that seems too much to deal with it. Right now it seems to be veering towards good old panic but i still feel "out of control emotionally".

Not sure how to deal with this, the new and interesting ways to feel horrible seem to be coming hard and fast. Im hoping and praying that this is a normal part of recovery...

[Neurotic Nick]

Hey guys, thought id give you a little bit more of a postive update. Last night was rough but at the end i decided to read through my cbt4panic workbooks and it gave me lots of ideas im how to proceed with my exposure/recovery and that in turn gave me some hope and confidence. It may be some very rough waters im sailing through atm but im not turning back!

(Might plan my route a bit more carefully though )

[aprilmoon]

Hey Nick
That's good,that CBT is helping.
You're doing really well in pressing on with it,and I'm sure you will start to reap the rewards in the near future.
Good luck

[kirsty74]

Pleased to hear you had a good time, and, even though you had a rough time later, it's great you are carrying on. It's what we do!!

Have managed to get out every day. I haven't managed to get any further afield and I don't feel any less anxious getting there, but I know it will come so I carry on.

I'm not really sure why I always think of myself as really weak for feeling like this, it takes guts to get out when really all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry