I feel like a burden to my parents

[cinnamon12]

I've suffered with panic and GAD for about 5 years and agoraphobia for 3 years now. I've always relied so much on my parents (especially my mum) for just about everything. Financially they support me as there's just no way I would hold up a part time job. I do have my own business but it's not doing well at the moment either.
The agoraphobia is really bad and I'm just getting do depressed because i feel trapped. I love going out and about shopping with my mum but it would be nice to have friends to go out with instead. In the past when I have been asked to go meet up with a friend, my anxiety and agoraphobia stop me and I come up with excuses. I know my mum wants to help me get better but I don't want her to feel like she has to take me out to places all the time. Right now I haven't been out in a week and I'm so upset. I have a car but I'm too afraid to drive it alone. I probably sound pathetic, and to be honest I really feel like it. Even though I'm a 20 year old woman, I feel like a child and I don't know what to do to snap out of this prison? Help

[Ryan92]

Hi cinnamon, I know how you feel. I feel like I'm a burden to my parents too. I have no job because of my anxiety, (suffer from GAD) kind of had a breakdown last year to do with a job offer. My mum and mums partner help me so much financially but it makes me feel incredibly guilty.

I wish I could pay for my own things more often, I know my mum only cares about me and wants to help me, so I suppose I just need to keep that in mind and try to control the guilt, but it's not easy. In a way it makes me feel pressurised to rush myself to get a job so I can pay for my own things.

I just wish I could go out by myself more often but struggle due to anxiety. I've lost friends due to anxiety, I only see 1 friend but they are usually very busy with work so I don't even see him much. My mum, mums partner have to take me to most places which makes me feel even more guilty and mad about myself.

I feel depressed nearly all the time, I don't get out of the house apart from therapy, gp appointments. I manage to walk our dog, even though I'm highly anxious so at least there's that.

You sound like you've been doing great , set up your own business and even though you are afraid to drive alone, you have a car and have been through one of the most stressful situations in a persons life (driving lessons, test) so I think you definitely have what it takes to break through this, even if it doesn't seem like that right now.

I know it's hard but trying to take things 1 step at a time can help , are you in any current therapies ?. (if you don't mind me asking)
I try not to put as much pressure on myself but it's not easy when I expect so much of myself.

Hope you feel better soon, you definitely have what it takes to fight these anxiety demons

[cinnamon12]

Thanks for replying Ryan92. Yes i spend most of my time trying to control the guilt too. And I know what it's like only have one friend who is always busy at work as well. I'm sorry to hear you're in such a terrible way like myself.
At least you are able to go out and walk your dog (adorable avatar by the way). I would love to walk my dog but sadly I know I'd panic in the middle of a field or woods and it's the feeling of being far from home that gets me, so I avoid it.

I did have a course of CBT two years ago (despite a major fear of the doctors) but it never really helped me, at that time I was more in denial about my problems though. However, I don't think I'm very receptive to it and have since tried meditation which is effective at times. And yes, even I am amazed that I was able to go through driving lessons and my test but now I've lost a lot of confidence. But nonetheless, I suppose I do need to recognise that it's a major stressful time that I managed to overcome I just have to convince myself I CAN do things for myself, that's the tricky part.
Thanks for your advice and motivation. I hope you are able to get through your depression too.
It's always nice to know other people have the exact same issues. At least now I don't feel so alone