My Journal.

[HalfJack]

I joined in march, so since march I've learnt:


Tackling problems is less scary than hiding from them.

It's possible to control and stop panic attacks even after they start. The panic isn't bigger than me it just wants me to think it is.

Being honest with people about how I feel is really important.

Talking about my problems is key to stopping them festering inside me and getting worse. But it's important to know how to express it to help avoid unnecessary overshare, confusion, pity and anger.

self harm doesn't make me a loser.

smile at everyone, especially the people who don't smile back.

Honesty can be abstract.

Knowing not to take it out on myself is just as important as not taking it out on other people.

I don't have to be what people expect me to be, or react how they press me to.

That's just off the top of my head, I've probably learned more than that. Hopefully if I keep reminding myself I've progressed I'll feel better.
I feel like I never get anywhere but then I realise I used to let people hurt me and at one time I couldn't leave my house. I never take it out on anyone, well other than myself. I spend all my time fighting I take it for granted. I'm very tired, but I know I can get better and I'm not far off getting there.

Last weeks goals were to tidy more, be more assertive and go to the dentist. I managed the first two. Hopefully I'll manage the dentists next week but I'm not going to push it too much, I need to take failure in my stride and stay at my own speed. I think going to the dentist might be a bit too soon.

Plan for next week - look into uni, write, continue learning spanish, exercise, volunteer.

[nikkim]

Good for you girl! Glad to see some people can turn their problems around and make the best out of things looks like you're handling yourself really well. Thanks for being an inspiration to the people on here who really need it!

[HalfJack]

Thanks! That's lovely of you to say, was a really nice thing to log in and read

[nikkim]

No problem! Thanks for being so open and showing people that these illnesses don't have to take over our lives. I think it's really cool that you make weekly goals for yourself. I could definitely benefit by doing that. also I have a dentist appointment next week myself that I'm worried about so best of luck to the both of us hahaha

[Oosh]

Nice one !

I especially like "Tackling problems is less scary than hiding from them."

That's been a big one for me.

[HalfJack]

Good luck! I actually picked up the weekly goals thing off someone else on here. I bought a cheap white board to help me keep track of things too. Love your signature quote.

Hey Oosh

[MyNameIsTerry]

Well done HalfJack, progress is progress and at first the steps are small. Goals should be micro goals otherwise a larger goal can have the opposite effect and then you just kick yourself and it festers further.

I remember when I was on here before that the dentist was a real big one for you, so don't dwell on it as you say, and why not use the other goals to reach this one? Volunteering gets you out there and builds up your confidence, self worth and self esteem so if thats making things worse, this is only going to help you.
The dentist does seem a different issue but in building up your confidence with these other goals, you only make yourself stronger and you will feel more able to do things.

Anything that helps with confidence will help with the things that frighten us.
Have you looked at techniques that could help you once you get in the dentist or on the way there? For instance, if you learnt Mindfulness meditation, you could be doing it on the way (headphones could be on), then do it in the waiting room, then do it whilst in there.

Within a couple of months of my relapse of GAD, I broke a tooth and suffered it for months because I was so anxious about anything, not the dentist, but thats something which is more stressful than the average visit to anywhere (even my GP visits were very hard). I did manage to get through the initial checks, it was hard, and it affected me for hours afterwards. I did back out on the extraction once (I barely slept and it tipped me over the edge with it) but the second time I made myself go and I spent the whole time concentrating intensely on the ceiling light and the chair arms! I got through it much better than I thought I would, and it was a slightly difficult extraction, which he had explained earlier to me due to very little left above the gumline.

Good to hear you have a whiteboard. Sometimes putting something physical in place is a way of making a statement to yourself that you intend to do this.

Remember to praise yourself. Think of looking at that whiteboard in a couple of months and seeing all those things that you didn’t think you could do, but have!

[HalfJack]

I think I find it frustrating because I hit a wall a year or so ago and my progress, which had been pretty fast, slowed down.

Yeah the dentist is my everest so I'm trying to keep positive about it but keep it in mind. I've been slowly exposing myself to images of needles etc. Being calmer around needles will make it a lot easier for me to go to the dentist.

I'm beginning mindfulness exercises next week now you mention it. And I'm going to a changes meeting, which I never thought I'd be able to do but after volunteering I've had a boost of confidence socially. I didn't really realise that till I read what you'd said but m confidence has definitely been boosted thanks to volunteering!

I find I get overwhelmed easily, I often feel the weight of things I haven't done yet crushing me and I'm very forgetful so I worry about that too. I can't organise my thoughts mentally but having a list I can look at any time is perfect.

I'm not sure I can genuinely praise myself, but it's definitely worth trying!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thats excellent HalfJack!

There is a free Mindfulness course thats recently been posted on the therapy board for the 8 week protocol, if interested. Good luck with it, I hope you find it useful. I think if you can get into it, it will help you overall but you will be able to use it whilst in the dentist. Mindfulness exercises can include touching objects so maybe there is a step in there for needles later on? Or maybe even someone holding one near to you?

Out of interest, is the Mindfulness something you have been referred to or found yourself? I ask because I like to hear peoples opinions on different authors, no pressure to say though if you don't want to.

I hope you enjoy Changes. It helped me a lot. There are plenty of social activities branching off from it and they were frequently advertising for meeting coordinators around here in their home area. Since they have recently expanded your way, and probably will keep expanding, there may be opportunities to do that, quite a few were people who originally attended the meetings, moved onto the courses, etc.

Not long ago I remember you saying you were struggling to get out and things like that would be difficult and now you are doing loads!!!

[HalfJack]

Mindfulness was recommended to my boyfriend and then to me, but I saw how much it helped him and that's what really did it for me but I've not had the chance to learn much about it yet. I'm trying to make it a priority but my life is very hectic, it's easy to forget and for other things to take priority.

I emailed changes but they never got back to me so I assumed they didn't have any places left. I can never find the courses online either, I get overwhelmed and lost pretty easily online.

---------- Post added 25-08-14 at 00:06 ---------- Previous post was 24-08-14 at 23:58 ----------

24th August
I haven't posted for a while because I've been so focussed on my recovery and recording my progress and doing the exercises my therapist has given me to do.
A lot of it has been to increase my everyday activities like cleaning and tidying so I've been pretty exhausted but successful. My therapist is really impressed with my progress, she even said I'd skipped ahead of her intended therapy plans for me.

I started being more honest about my feelings when I'm down and talking to my boyfriend about issues I had and being more proactive. We are going to do more together and we have both applied to uni.
Today we had problems with a neighbour and I'm scared it will pull us back down and ruin all our progress. I'd like to post all the positive things I've achieve in the last few weeks, which was my intention this morning, I had all my notes ready. But I'm exhausted, I've been working so hard on getting better and supporting my boyfriend and his dad that a threat to our safety was just too much.