Hi there,

I'm a newbie to all this but been searching for somewhere to talk about a weird experience that has really shaken me up.

Last week on holiday, my boyfriend and I booked in to have a massage in a lovely spa. It was all so nice, but about half way through I started feeling really tense in the middle of my back and started panicking that the masseuse wasn't focusing enough on that area. All I could then think about was whether she was going to spend time on this and then and I got tenser and tenser, worrying that it was all going to be a waste of money if she didn't make my back feel relaxed.

When it was over, I felt so strange like I wanted to burst in to tears and felt some really tight spots in parts of my back that weren't there before.

Over the next few days I was an emotional wreck but had no idea why. I was so worked up about the massage, feeling like a failure for getting tense in what is meant to be a really relaxing thing and ruining what was until then a perfect holiday. I was so low, bursting into tears randomly, so worked up and anxious that I couldn't sleep ... none of which I was feeling before the massage.

I've had a few quite stressful months and am about to start a new job, and I must have been holding on to a lot of tension. But honestly, I feel like an utter idiot to have had this sort of reaction to a massage. I feel very scared that I have a bigger problem with anxiety than I was even aware of ...

I really need to talk about this but no-one seems to understand. Any thoughts would really be appreciated.

Thanks