Cit update - how do you all cope at social gatherings?

[Marty_67]

Hi all, hope you are feeling ok.

I am now about 8 months in at 40mg. I still feel ok - a bit shaky now and again and I can steel feel the old anxiety bubbling under from time to time but generally contained. My doctor has said that I can have CBT/counselling if I want it but nearly 3 weeks in I still haven't contacted these people for help. I know I should but I don't really want to talk to somebody about it. I talk to my wife and friends, that feels enough.

We have a BBQ at the weekend and I must admit that I am more than a little anxious about going. It sounds weird but it is made worse by the fact that a lot of the people there know I suffer from anxiety/stress and I am on meds. I just wondered if anyone had any good advice?

I am quite a sociable person and will no doubt enjoy myself once I am there, it's just this 'build up' to an event that I cannot stand!

All the best

Marty

[mark84]

Hi Marty,
That's the sort of situation that would make me nervous, and I think it's natural that you'll feel more worried because people know you're on cit.
I don't know how many people will be there, but the odds are if it's more than a dozen that some of them will have been on cit themselves.
I'm not sure what I'd advise to try and calm yourself now, if you know you'll be alright when you get there then that's a good thing to focus on, try and rationalise it out a bit, you're worrying about an event that once it's happening you wont be worried about!
I know it's tempting to avoid CBT because of the effort and the intrusiveness of it all but it might be really worth reconsidering, short term pain for long term gain, so please have a think about taking that up.

[Helen19]

You are quite right in saying when you are there you "will no doubt enjoy yourself" as for many of us anxiety sufferers the anticipation of having to be 'OK' at an event is often worse than the actual event itself.
I would try not to worry about people knowing you are on meds or anxious as I'm sure many of the people there will have their own issues to worry about and if the subject of how you are does come up then it will probably only be asked out of genuine concern.

I'd also say to give the offer of CBT/Counselling serious thought as I'm having therapy at the moment and it's helping me greatly.
There's really no harm in even going along for an initial appointment and explaining how you feel to get an idea of what's involved before making a final decision.

Hope your enjoy your BBQ and the weather is nice for you!

[Marty_67]

Thanks for your replies guys.

Although I am a very sociable person and love talking and meeting people, I have always struggled with parties etc. It's the whole 'you have to enjoy yourself or you are not normal' experience. I remember being the same when growing up with Christmas/new year, youth club, night clubs, pubs etc. In truth, I have always been happier enjoying what I enjoy, when I could cope with and when I wanted to enjoy it. I know that sounds selfish and being married with a family, I constantly park what I would rather do for the 'greater good' and that can cause me anxiety.

The cit has helped me but I still sometimes over-think and over-analyse the most stupid of things. I don't want to but it still sometimes happens, although it used to be everything and all the time so from that point of view, I know it's better.

I will sign up for this help. Thanks for that.

[WinJammer]

Hi Marty. I can totally relate with the anticipatory anxiety. Years ago I bought myself a little plaque for the wall and hung it by my sink in the bathroom. It reads, "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday, and everything is fine." Words I initially didn't believe, but over time have come to realize are the truth. CBT helped me see that truth, along with a big change of attitude on my part. My first therapist was one of the finest in the nation but unfortunately after a short period I stopped doing the work on my side of things. Pure laziness and some denial. That lack of effort eventually landed me in the hospital with a terrible panic/anxiety attack and laid bare just how bad of shape I was in. My new therapist is not the all-star that my previous one was but he cares and is insightful. NOW I am doing everything he asks of me and it is helping tremendously. Give it a shot. I kind of imagine my psyche or mind as a huge house with thousands of rooms containing my various experiences, thoughts, values, etc. As I have learned to explore the rooms that used to frighten me or make me uncomfortable, I have discovered that the monsters I imagined living in those rooms are either non-existent or small and far less frightening than I thought. It's a slow process getting better and reaching peace with yourself, but so far totally worth the journey and the destination will be even better. Best of luck and thanks for all your previous posts. They have helped me a lot!

[Marty_67]

Thanks WinJammer, wise words

And knowing I have helped you out means a lot too.

I'll let you know how it goes.