I am having a really hard time lately.

[swgrl09]

My health anxiety is really bad right now. I'm really struggling. Just had another crying spell and heart to heart with my husband about it.

I've been having sinusitis problems for almost 2 months now. I am so fed up and I have convinced myself that I have some kind of autoimmune illness or cancer or who the hell knows what, but that it can't just be sinusitis and allergies. I have been to the doctor twice. Each time she says it's sinusitis. I have an ENT appointment in 3 weeks, as that was her last suggestion if the prednisone she gave me last week didn't work.

Yesterday I developed a low grade fever again and felt really weak. Today my nose/sinuses actually felt better (win!) but after I went to the gym, I got a fever again and am shaky and weak. I'm terrified that I will get really sick because prednisone weakens immune system, as does Nasacort which I am also taking (but the only thing that has helped clear my sinuses).

If I didn't have these fever coming back over and over, I wouldn't be as afraid. But the fact that it came back yesterday and today threw me over the edge again.

But I know the health symptoms aren't my issue. My anxiety is my issue. I am trying really hard to use CBT4Panic and work through it, but I know it is not an immediate help. I just am so fed up and embarrassed. I let myself down and I feel like I let my husband down. I don't really know what to do anymore. Maybe I should go back on lexapro, but I'm not depressed. I went on it for depression and the fact that it helped my anxiety was just a nice bonus.

I should find a therapist. My therapist that I went to for years is over an hour drive away so it is really hard to see her. I found another therapist earlier this summer, but I had a bad experience with her and she was really unprofessional.

My health insurance has a high deductible ($3000) so basically I am paying out of pocket for any medical care I receive that is not a preventive service, like an annual physical or gyno exam. So going to the ENT is going to be really expensive because it is a specialist. And if he sends me for any kind of diagnostic treatment (xray, ct scan) that will be hundreds of dollars.

My husband said that money doesn't matter for health problems, but it does. We just sat down and discussed how we can cut costs all around because of our student loan debt, which is high. So I have that in the back of my mind too.

I'm just so fed up. I want to feel better physically and mentally. I'm exercising 4-5x per week, eating normal/basically healthy. I don't really know. Any advice?

[Tanner40]

SWGRL09, good for you for getting all of your feelings out on the page. And for having a heart to heart talk with your husband. He sounds very supportive, which is so important.

Don't let all of this get you down. Try not to be so disappointed in yourself. If you had a physical illness, such as cancer, I doubt you would be so hard on yourself. Keep exercising and eating right. It will eventually help. The CBT was a godsend for me as long as I practiced it daily. It takes awhile. You need for it to become second nature. For me, I would take one idea or exercise from CBT, and practice it for weeks. Then I would move on to the next section. It helped me to really put the ideas into practice.

This can all get better. I know because I've been where you are. I'm having a slight blip at the moment but I know it will get better. Keep going girl.

---------- Post added at 22:01 ---------- Previous post was at 22:01 ----------

SWGRL09, good for you for getting all of your feelings out on the page. And for having a heart to heart talk with your husband. He sounds very supportive, which is so important.

Don't let all of this get you down. Try not to be so disappointed in yourself. If you had a physical illness, such as cancer, I doubt you would be so hard on yourself. Keep exercising and eating right. It will eventually help. The CBT was a godsend for me as long as I practiced it daily. It takes awhile. You need for it to become second nature. For me, I would take one idea or exercise from CBT, and practice it for weeks. Then I would move on to the next section. It helped me to really put the ideas into practice.

This can all get better. I know because I've been where you are. I'm having a slight blip at the moment but I know it will get better. Keep going girl.

[swgrl09]

Thanks so much for your response. It helps to hear you say that you had to practice for a while and it did help eventually.

I think I will try what you suggest, which is to take one exercise and practice it. It's hard to try to learn the whole thing at once. I will try to break it down. Maybe I will just do one of the worksheets for a while over and over.

Thanks again, I really needed to hear from somebody optimistic. I hope you are hanging in there as well.

[Fishmanpa]

Tanner is spot on Sgirl. She's one who took the Dragon by the horns and spat fire right back at it!

I don't suffer from anxiety per se'. I have some GAD due to my physical illness but nothing compared to what I read here. I also have dealt with some depression as well. I can tell you that the CBT course offered here for FREE is really good. It's one of those things that gives you an "a ha" moment as you read it. Not all of it applied to me but I used it for some depression and I still practice some of the exercises (did a lot last week before my appointment as my "scanxiety" kicks in before my "scope, poke and prod"). It works but you have to work at it.

I believe that you can heal from anxiety/HA as a mental illness much the same as one heals from a serious physical illness. It's not like a cold or a sore throat you take meds for and you're cured. It's something that a change in lifestyle and habits must take place in order to heal. If you slack off, it can come creeping back in.

Look... I have heart disease and have had cancer. Would I smoke or eat fried foods every day? NO! The same goes for anxiety and HA. You have to treat it, learn ways to cope and practice them religiously in order for them to work. Just like a diet takes time and adherence to show the differences, the same applies to anxiety/HA. It takes work, dedication and a real inner strength and desire to get better.

Do nothing and remain the same and/or get worse. Do something and at least take a step in the right direction. My health plan is the same as yours. $3K deductible. I spend that just to do follow-ups with my team of medical professionals. IMO, you don't need to spend that to get the same answer over and over. Good going on speaking openly with your husband. Rather than spend the $$$ on medical professionals, "invest" the $$$ in mental health professionals and start on the road to healing. Download the CBT course and do some reading. I assure you it will open you eyes.

Positive thoughts

[swgrl09]

Fishmanpa, thanks so much for your thoughtful reply. You are exactly right, it takes time and practice, like anything.

I have downloaded the free CBT course here. I've read through it, and it was really enlightening. I am struggling though with where I need to start/focus because there is so much there. I think I was trying to learn it all at once and be perfect at it. That's not gonna help. I am going to try to break it down, maybe stick with one exercise at a time until I get it down like Tanner suggested.

I think I will maybe focus on obsessive thoughts worksheets this week and maybe try some mindfulness as well.

I contacted a couple therapists in the area tonight. Hopefully I hear back soon. I can't do nothing anymore. I put a lot of work into it for a year or so, but then I felt better and stopped. This year I went downhill, especially with a stressful summer, and I need to get motivated again.

[Fishmanpa]

Fishmanpa, thanks so much for your thoughtful reply. You are exactly right, it takes time and practice, like anything.

I have downloaded the free CBT course here. I've read through it, and it was really enlightening. I am struggling though with where I need to start/focus because there is so much there. I think I was trying to learn it all at once and be perfect at it. That's not gonna help. I am going to try to break it down, maybe stick with one exercise at a time until I get it down like Tanner suggested.

I think I will maybe focus on obsessive thoughts worksheets this week and maybe try some mindfulness as well.

I contacted a couple therapists in the area tonight. Hopefully I hear back soon. I can't do nothing anymore. I put a lot of work into it for a year or so, but then I felt better and stopped. This year I went downhill, especially with a stressful summer, and I need to get motivated again.

You've basically, in so many words, reiterated what Tanner and I have said. Good One step at a time. I teach guitar. Many of my students want to play like their idols (Check out one of mine...Tommy Emmanuel...Worth checking out if you've never heard of him). I tell them this. "Practice, practice, practice, practice, practice. and when you think you've practiced enough? Practice some more. You need to "own" it!". When you "own" it, it will always work and you won't even have to think about it. It will just happen.

Positive thoughts

[Fj2014]

Hi eveyone,
Just wanted to wade in and say what a helpful thread this is - some of you may have noticed how bad my HA has been this last few week and I, like SWGRL9 have been tearful, stuck and at my wits end with it - last night I realised that while i was waiting for some test results I stopped practicing my CBT and it all went down hill.

So, I'd agree - practicing everyday does make life a whole lot easier and also, I think the lessons learned would benefit me even if I did get really sick as I could cope with it better.

Keep going SWGRL - you can do it
xxx

[Tanner40]

Sgirl, you've got it. Take one section and break it down for weeks if that's what it takes. Practice it, like Fishmanpa said, until second nature. Then it will start to work. The rational thoughts and behaviors will be what comes to your mind first, instead of the irrational ones.

[swgrl09]

Thank you everybody so much. The support here is so great. I practiced the mindfulness stuff last night and it actually helped me get to sleep. I'm going to try that every night and tonight after work I will dedicate at least a half hour to the worksheets, if not more. I also heard back from a therapist who I will hopefully start with soon.

Enough is enough this time. I hated how my mom's HA affected me as a kid. I'm going to tackle this before I have kids myself.

---------- Post added at 08:28 ---------- Previous post was at 08:27 ----------

Fj, we're all in this together. We're with you through it!

[Primula]

Hurray, let's try to keep posting to spur each other on. I think there are several of us who are at similar stages in this. It would be lovely to encourage and support each other.