Success and failure, opinions needed...

[Eszter]

Hi all,
I would like to share my story. (sorry for my English, I am not native..)
I have been suffering from panic and anxiety since high school (I am 31 now), had tried some meds, had had my ups and downs. A couple of years ago I had been prescribed snri duloxetine. I had been ok with it, so stopped after 2 years but 4-5 months later needed again, that was 2 years ago. I was on pill again but also totally changed my lifestyle then - moved from the big city to a small city, got a job at family business and found the perfect guy, exercised 3-4 times a week etc. The year of 2013 was the best year of my life. Previously I had been close to homebound, but last year I could do ANYTHING. I even travelled to South Asia for 4 weeks! No anxiety, no panic. I socialized, practiced, travelled, enjoyed my life. I could accept the fact that maybe one pill a day does the trick for me. But my partner could not accept this, so as an agreement between us I weaned off.

I really thought that during those 2 years when I was really well, my brain got used to situations and stored these successess so I do not have to fear again from situations. From June I began to have panic attacks and severe anxiety again. Close to homebound now. No joy just cloud above my head. Started CBT again ( 2 years ago at first attempt I was told that CBT is not effective with med), but feel it won't work for me since I am totally aware of the harmlessness of attacks, don't even try to avoid them, just this anxiety and depression...
I feel helpless... I want to believe that I can heal without pills but then I think "Oh my goodness, others suffer so much and try everything to get better, you felt perfect with one pill, just go back on it and live your life again! Maybe there is no better option for you and you do not need better option"

Now I do CBT once a week with a therapist, got a big dose of vitamins and herbs, practice autogenic training, but I just don't feel any better.
Should I be more patient and wait till natural stuff begin to work or get back to pill?

Some background: I lost my mom at age 9 (she suffered from brain cancer for 7 years so I did not really know her), did not get too much attention from family (my father was overwhelmed with raising 3 girls alone), was sexually abused at 12 by a stranger, committed suicide at 13, was always perfectionist and suffered from depression since childhood... So anxiety and depression not mainly comes from lifestyle issues but also from genetics and traumas maybe...

opinion or advice are welcome.

Thank you for your time.

Eszter

[trish1955]

That's strange a friend of mine off this site as been told they won't do her CBT because she don't take meds as for taking one pill I honestly after suffering forty six years and now stuck in doors 24/7 I have finally givin into medication trust me I have tried every thing from vitamans to acupuncture EFT timeline hypnossis massarges excersise I would gladly take one pill a day to have what you had for them few years xxxxxxx

[Baggs]

One pill once a day did the trick, so what are you waiting for? I wish you all the best.

[Kaiserin]

I feel that if the pill helped you and really made a drastic improvement, then.. Go back to the pill. I am sorry if this seems offensive (I in no way mean it to be), but your partner does not seem to be very understanding given what you have said. There is no shame in needing medication.

Best of luck in whatever you choose to do!