I know why I have anxiety, yet I still get it

[Ronan23]

Hi,

This is my first post here, I didn't even realize that forums like this existed and had regular posts so i'm very happy to have found it. Anyway, i'm a 24 year old guy and suffer very badly with anxiety and I am beginning to lose hope so i'm looking for advice.

The anxiety has manifested itself in different ways from social to health, but mainly health related. There have been many positive experiences in my life:
-I've graduated from college
-I've got a job
-I've had a LTR for 3 years and been in love (it's over now though)
-I've travelled solo to Asia

But always in the background since I was 14 there has been anxiety. From relentless googling of symptoms, to convincing myself I'm going to die from sudden death or a brain aneurysm, to avoiding social situations with extroverted people because of the anxiety.

I've had a multitude of tests done since I was 14. To name a few: ECG, Holter Monitor, 2 x MRI, Nerve Conduction test, X-Rays, stress test, CT Scan.

None of these showed the slightest problem. Yet I always convince myself that in the interim period between getting them tests done and now, that I will develop problems.

The annoying thing is that I consider myself to be very intelligent. I have read countless books based on CBT, so I know deep down that anxiety is just a result of deceptive brain messages. I refuse to take medication (I've been prescribed sertraline) as I don't want to depend on a pill to function. Saying that, I take xanax when my panic attacks are really bad.

It's so frustrating because any time I make significant cognitive progress (such as recently when I read a great book on anxiety), my symptoms seem to get worse. It's like that monster inside my brain realizes i'm trying to defeat it and then just hits me with an onslaught of anxious symptoms to send me back to square one.

Today in work I felt like I was losing control. It's a very difficult thing to describe but it was like I was going to pass out or just exit from my body. I also experienced a very disturbing surge of adrenaline in my head, like a jolt, followed by dizziness for around 10 seconds. I had actually not taken a med for anxiety in 8 months before today but I needed a xanax.

I guess what i'm trying to get across is, how do you get better even though you know the science behind the deceptive brain messages? I even get anxious from breathing exercises which are designed to help anxiety!! I find focusing on my breathing makes me anxious that I'll stop breathing. It's horrible. Apologies for the long post but if anyone has any insight or advice that would be appreciated. And thanks for taking the time to rad this.

[Annie0904]

Hi Welcome to NMP. You seem to have a good insight into anxiety which is good. Have you had CBT at all? It may be helpful to you. Your doctor should be able to refer you. There is also a free online course which helped me a lot. http://ct-online-info.com/wp-login.p...om%2F&reauth=1

[lior]

Hello and welcome. I'm really glad you joined us - you already know so much that can help others, if you wanted to be an active community member. You have so much potential to brighten other people's day

I suffer more from depression than anxiety. I know and understand why intellectually too. I also know how to fight it, and I am putting up the best fight I can. Knowing something intellectually is different from knowing something emotionally though. It's like - when someone dies, you still feel like they might be around, even when intellectually you know they can't ever come back.

What we know about the human brain is still pretty elementary so while knowing a lot about anxiety intellectually is useful, it has its usefulness limit. There's going to be a point beyond which knowing techniques from books is not going to help any more. The thing then to do is just experiment and see what works for you. There'll be things that work for you that maybe scientists have not discovered make a difference yet.

For example, weirdly, once when I had a migraine I found it really helpful to sing a really high note. I guess it was to do with the vibrations or something. But I hadn't read anywhere that doing that might be helpful. So you just need to try out stuff and see if it's going to work for you... and then share it on here so that potentially other people could benefit from it too!!

[witsend]

Hi Ronan23

I can relate to your frustration totally. My anxiety centres around the physical symptoms I get, such as trembling, numbness, headaches, and swimmy vision. Although I know full well that they're not real, they make me anxious, which makes them ten times worse. Basically, I'm anxious about being anxious, which is utterly stupid. I'm no brain box, but even I'm bright enough to know that that makes no sense. I'm anxious about something I've imagined!

I don't understand it any more than you do, even after two types of med and seven months of counselling. I'm beginning to think that it's just a habit I've developed but I have no idea how to break it.

Sorry I have no words of wisdom, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. It's not much consolation, I know.

[sarahblonde32]

Hi, i have no idea where mine came from!!one day...boom from nowhere.
I've tried cbt and although initially helped and the booklet was useful, i still suffer. I think meds are going to be my only help now.
i'd like to know where it came from or was i always this anxious?
I also 'fear the fear'. Im not scared of the traffic or the crowds etc..but im scared the anxiety, and thats when it hits you!!
Sarah x

[inCOGnito]

I guess what i'm trying to get across is, how do you get better even though you know the science behind the deceptive brain messages?

Great question and it's one of the main reasons why anxiety tends to stick around for so long despite understanding the mechanics behind it. And it's quite simple really. Intellectual understanding is virtually useless.

Don't get me wrong, understanding can reduce bewilderment and provide some relief and contribute toward strategies that can help, but ultimately it's pretty useless in terms of overcoming anxiety itself. This is because us humans are so mind dominated. We work under the false assumption that we have to live our lives from our heads. Its such a well ingrained belief that we don't see it. Our minds are problem solvers. But also problem creators. We try and solve all of life's problems from thinking about it. Can you ride a bicycle from thinking about it? You could probably work out ll the physics behind it. How much pressure to apply to the left pedal and right pedal, momentum, centrifugal forces, balance, stability, and so on. You could write a phd thesis on how to ride a bike but you won't be able to do it unless you actually get on the bike and let the body do it!

It's the same with anxiety. You can understand all there is to know about it right down to the stress hormones and neuronal pattern circuitry in the amygdala and periaquaductal grey. But you need to go beyond that because real change comes through experience, it comes through finding out the truth for yourself by yourself. Do you know, REALLY know, that anxiety can't hurt you? Intellectual understanding isn't enough. Our lives are experienced through the body, through raw experience, not through thought. You can come to terms intellectually but you need to come to terms with fear and anxiety emotionally. Another way of saying it is that your 'emotional body' needs to accept anxiety.

It can be referred to living life from the heart rather than the head. I know that sounds a little abstract but we're talking about something here that isn't so easy to explain because it's outside what the mind is used to. It's hard to conceptualise it. And the things is, life and experience IS hard to conceptualise, and the mind works through concepts. So if it doesn't understand it very well then it can be afraid of it. That's why approaching life from the heart is the true way of living. It's the natural way! One way of getting a handle on what I'm saying is to just go for a walk, preferably in nature. Suspend thinking, analysing, and working everything out and let everything just be as it is, even if uncomfortable. And without knowing how, experience that walk from the heart.

I even get anxious from breathing exercises which are designed to help anxiety!! I find focusing on my breathing makes me anxious that I'll stop breathing.

This happened to me too. Learn to diaphragm breath. This really helps. It takes time so don't expect much from the get go. But what really really really helps is this;

1. Let your diaphragm do the breathing (that's the natural way of breathing)
2. Pay attention to your nose, throat, and chest. If it feels like any of these muscles are doing the breathing (contracting or pulling feeling) then work on relaxing them and don't use them at all. It's taken me 32 years to realise I have been breathing the wrong way. The nose, throat and chest muscles are there to control breathing ONLY if needed in certain circumstances. They are NOT there for normal natural breathing.
3. Completely let go of trying to breathe. This is NOT about taking control of breathing. This is about LOSING control of breathing.
4. Following on from point 3, on many occassions you're just going to have to let go through the sticky point. The sticky point is when you feel like if you let go of trying to control the breath it's going to make it worse. This is the real letting go point. It's your way of saying, "ok, i'm not going to control this. if I stop breathing then fine."
5. Remember that you don't control your breathing at night, do you? The body is perfectly capable of breathing by itself.
6. When you start to breathe correctly in the natural way...you will know it. It will feel effortless (the way it should be).
(p.s. remember it takes time to retrain yourself to breathe correctly. SO establish these points and think no more about it.)