I've been on here but not for ages. Kind of just carried on with the citalopram. The trouble is I am a vulnerable person. Messed up childhood. Abused both physically and mentally. Grew up with friends who teased me. I developed a very hard exterior. Relationships I had trouble with since it made me vulnerable and could feel the abuse happening again. Did settle down by accident though since girlfriend got pregnant early on. Stayed with her despite her constantly putting me down. So here I am years later all messed up but existing. Medicine helps but still a mess. Get talking to a friend knew from work. Come round hers for the evening. We had said we liked each other. But both had the flu so just lay on her bed all cuddled up. Too much wine though. Things happened. I got scared. Didn't want to fail her. I took a Viagra. Yes that's what happens when your a basket case. You struggle with man stuff. She caught me. Broke down in tears. I tried to explain my past but I knew I had hurt her. I left. But she hugged me when I left telling me not to worry. So here is me the next day. Hate myself for hurting her. Hate myself for cheating on my girlfriend. Hate me in general. Wish Iwas just nnormal like everyone else.