Feel like something isn't right??

[Pinguanxious]

That's great terry! Sounds like an improvement.
Been a bit meh this morning, I had a dream last night where I hooked up with another man, now the guy in question isn't unatractive at all and I get a long well with him. Of course now I'm feeling guilty and the what if thoughts are back

[MyNameIsTerry]

We all have often quite weird dreams. We have no control over them and its just the subconscious clearing itself out. Nothing to worry about Pingu.

Sometimes its best to just get the day started and let it fade.

[Pinguanxious]

Thanks terry, just makes you wonder, what if ...... I hate them two words, I do feel better after a shower! Maybe it is just because I've just woke up, that's when the feelings start, but right now I'd say I'm better.
I find that although I've got a lot too look forward to, something today still doesn't feel right... Like I'm worried about something but don't know what. Hey ho that's the way the brain works though! My goal is to one day have a quiet mind! What about you? Any goals you want to achieve?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yeah, a whole lot really to work through steadily. One of my big ones is obsessional routines which I find hard to break as even when I make headway my subconscious seems to edge me back into them.

Another is exercise. I do a lot of walking but I struggle moving on from that due to the obsessional routine thing as well as the issue with physical sensations. I've made headway with anxiety sensations in exercise but I've had a lot of problems with fatigue that seems to be a trigger for me so all the aches & pains, which are natural, tend to be a trigger as well.

Its all a matter of exposure I guess.

[Pinguanxious]

I think for me I need to start exercising more, I do enjoy a good walk but I'd love to use my cross trainer more. I think one of the reasons I get stressed in the morning is because of the dreams I have. At the moment I'm having a lot of vivid dreams and when I wake up in a little panicked!
Another thing is being around people, I can do it but I feel much calmer when I'm alone

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yeah, I know that if I experience vivid dreams and do some tossing & turning close to when I'm due to wake up, I do feel more stressed or actually my head is a bit gone.

Being around people could just be a confidence thing though if you have GAD. All you can do is build it back up step by step. I found it hard just going in supermarkets I had been in hundreds of times before when I hit the worst points originally and then again to a slightly lesser degree in my relapse. You just have to do it, do again and then do it some more. You still have the odd wobble, especially if you are experiencing issues already on those days but it passes.

I started taking my dog for longer walks and he gets a bit too excited and wants to run off the excitement so he gives me a little "can we" look and I run. At first this made me think about the physical sensations for some time afterwards but the more I have done it, the more confident I am with it plus I feel the symptoms less as my body is adjusting to the sprints. Pet therapy!

[Pinguanxious]

Aww that sounds really good with your dog!! His little can we run look lol! I don't have a pet but I need to exercise more.

And yes it's like being around people just drain me.... Like I'm uncomfortable Nd just want to get home. I find the only person im 100% ok with is my partner!! But even then the what if thoughts make me wonder if I love him..... Ugh wish there was a pill to make the brain just shhhh for ten mins lol!! I managed to go back to sleep for a bit this morning, I have actually noticed though that all my dreams were correlating to something I thought about in the day! That's never happened before. But maybe that was my brains way of purging!

I'm getting there, just tired of it all now more than anything! Feels like I've always got lots to do too so that doesn't help. For me it's weird because generally I haven't got anything in life to be upset about, I got I'll this time because I made some mistakes that ultimately hurt people, but they forgave me and moved on. But I didnt, and now the depression and anxiety has manifested into this. So I know what this time rounds trigger was but it goes to show its how we deal with it that's the problem.

[Pinguanxious]

Ugh not feeling as good today, am feeling shattered after all my dreaming last night!! Constantly searchingm for how I feel, and I wonder if I'm ever gonna feel ok again!!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Being on hyper alert is going to reinforce it all as well. I have this problem too. Its part of a vicious circle really and we have to learn to just BE so that we notice these physical sensations less as we probably did before we had anxiety disorders.

Asking yourself whether you will ever get better, whilst natural, is something that can lead to negative thoughts so be careful and get a distraction in there if you start to notice that happen because this can shift your focus for a while so that when you stop the distraction, you don't automatically go back to those thoughts.

I was reading about DOING & BEING modes in a book a while back. It said that thoughts of getting better like this engage DOING mode which is ill equipped to resolve them because its the problem solving part of the brain and it looks at point A (now) and point B (where you want to be) and spends its time thinking of all the ways to get their, the risks, makes judgements, etc. This just brings up more issues and puts you under more pressure to get their. BEING mode is equipped to deal with this as its the more powerful creative side of us and doesn't make judgements, is compassionate to itself & accepting, etc. It also explains that anxious people rarely engage BEING mode.

[Pinguanxious]

I know I love my partner so I don't get why my brain is torturing me again..... He is everything to me, and I refuse to allow this to beat me up.

What reason have I got for not wanting him..... I haven't got any!

This is my illness that is causing this. If I didn't love him I wouldn't get anxiety or upset over it, I wouldn't think about it all the time! And I wouldn't be trying to stay with him despite my thoughts! I wouldn't laugh and joke with him or any of that. He makes me happy. So why does my brain insist on telling me that I may not love him, is this something else for my anxiety to cling too?


This is a recent journal entry I wrote... Does this make sense to anyone, can anyone relate or help?