Feel like something isn't right??

[MrAndy]

Is it a lack of fulfillment driving it currently then? Or an inability to focus on a project as if your mind is always looking for more in which case it might be a relaxation thing?

Sounds like a case for living in the moment so have you thought of going back to Mindfulness? I know you've mentioned it helping you but I got the impression it was something you did back then.

I know my mental health has slipped backwards since I stopped my Mindfulness daily practice. I want to start this again soon anyway (just a bit snowed under catching up on stuff with things going backwards recently) and I think it will need doing forever.

When things previously got hard, you had put a load of pressure on yourself by the sounds of it and maybe pressure that didn't really exist? I remember a guy at the walk-ins who had a similiar background to me and his issue was money and it was making him worry all the time. He had a good job, good money, nice house in a good area, etc yet he still worried about money and he was secure. The basic issue at that time was losing his job and how would he & his wife cope. He ended up off sick and quiting in the ends to save his health but it was with him for a long time and his worry was then about getting a job that would pay the bills. His wife told him not to worry about that because they can get by and if things have to change, they have to change. He couldn't seem to stop and what he found was he needed to do something more fulfulling but he again worried about the drop in salary. Eventually he seemed to accept that to ensure his mental health, he really had to do something more in tune with him than slaving away in the corporate rat race.

I'm not saying that may be you, but if you are finding work demotivating, maybe its time for a project to regain your interest or some other activities to break life up a bit?

that guy sounds like me,I am to scared to move companies I have a decent salary,a work pension company car etc so moving would be a big risk.The job doesnt excite me like it used to ,I would get excited over every enquiry and every order now i dont care if i win an order or not.The daft thing is even though I dont care the orders keep rolling in.Maybe I am over my breakdown and now entering a mid life crisis phase I am the right age for that
My mood is actually quite good at the moment its just this niggling underlying anxiety that tries to ruin my life.I am sure there are people worse off than me maybe I should stop moaning about it and just get on with life

[MyNameIsTerry]

There is always someone worse off, no one would be able to discuss anything, so say what you want.

I can understand a bit about how you feel because I found I lost the sense of fulfillment by job gave me. The stress and obsessiveness of the the role created the anxiety but when I relapsed I had a strong sense of depression which was all about how pointless my role was and how I felt everything had become pointless whether in or out of work. This really tipped the balance on top of my increasing horrible anxiety levels as I just yo-yo'd between them without much rest.

I had let me social life die off, literally had no hobbies and worked at home as well. I think not having things to do outside of work really laid the groundwork for the feelings of pointlessness. Like a mid life crisis, but far far beyond that in terms of intensive because of the anxiety I guess.

I also felt like you do, and so did this other guy - you can't even try to leave because..."What if this, that, the other?", etc. I found this lack of trying to escape trapped me in something I no longer wanted.

Its also hard to move around when you get all the responsibilities you have and you settle into things over the years. If you are happy with it, great, but if you are not I think it lays the groundwork for depression so you either need to learn to be content or make a change (sounds easy doesn't it?!)

[MrAndy]

yes it does sound easy on paper ,its not all bad and I am improving at work but frustrated I still find it a chore.I tell enough people on here no matter how small as long as your improving your heading in the right direction.
It sound like you burnt yourself out Terry,I know how that feels it wrecks you and it takes time to pick yourself up again
Have you thought about just getting a mindless job with no pressure to pass the time of day ?

[Pinguanxious]

Sorry for the short answer it's been a tough day but wanted to quickly Pop in to check on you both, Andy you need to treat it as intrusive thoughts like Terry said. Just let the thoughts be there but don't engage them, it's the only way that they will shrink in size!
Terry is there different levels of magnesium defociancy then? I didn't realise that! I'm gonna have to do some more research into this I think!!

---------- Post added at 22:17 ---------- Previous post was at 22:17 ----------

P.s Andy have you tried scheduling worry periods and joirnaling? This helped me! Also Google anxiety trick, it's an amazing little article, I'll try and post more tommorow when I'm online properly!

[MrAndy]

in my early days when i was very bad i tired worry periods but couldnt make it work very well ,maybe I should try again
works quiet at the moment and I prefer to be busy because its a great distraction
hope your well Pingu

[MyNameIsTerry]

Pingu - I guess its like any vitamin or mineral thing, you can be slightly deficient or very deficient. Its also one of those things that is in abundance in lots of places eg its stored in your bones, so I guess you have to build it up like you do with certain other things. I don't know if there are classification levelks, I haven't looked that far into it myself yet.

Anxiety causes it to be depleted from your bones too because of the adrenaline & cortisol.

Its worth looking into. Magensium deficiency gets a lot of mentions. I read a recent article where it was mentioned alongside methylation, part of epigenetics, and how things like this can lead to activation of genes that are predisposed to anxiety due to carrying forward from a parent.

Deficiencies like this can easily mimic anxiety or cause your health to decline leading you to become more anxious about how you feel. I know a great deal of my physical issues where there for a couple of years before my anxiety actually started so I strongly suspect all the therapy & meds in the world won't sort it as there is a health issue to resolve as well.

MeAndy - Yes, I have thought of a more mindless job. I think it would hae to be a physical one because sitting doing admin would make me depressed anyway as I find it very boring & unfulfilling, always have. I'm not sure whether I could accept this type of job though as its always been something inside me that likes to get stuck in and improve things and I find it very hard to sit back and let the ship sink around me as some people seem to be able to do. The trouble is, you get managers above and on your level who will then abuse this attitude by sitting back themselves or demanding more than thhey know they should. If I worked in an environment like I have, I would have to deal with that. I have no problems telling anyone or any level to sod off but I'm much harder on myself than anyone else could be and I just kick myself as I see it as not performing. This is something I would have to resolve. If I can get into something I enjoy, I doubt it would matter as much. It was a burnout, but I worked like that for years and enjoyed things and something must have changed; maybe a combination of too much work, letting social things slide, losing some confidence due to having a few knives stuck in my back that pigeon-holed my role, etc.

Realistically, mindless is all its going to be for a while as my CV is knackered now so I will be lucky to get a job pushing trollies!

[MrAndy]

Deficiencies like this can easily mimic anxiety or cause your health to decline leading you to become more anxious about how you feel. I know a great deal of my physical issues where there for a couple of years before my anxiety actually started so I strongly suspect all the therapy & meds in the world won't sort it as there is a health issue to resolve as well.

MeAndy - Yes, I have thought of a more mindless job. I think it would hae to be a physical one because sitting doing admin would make me depressed anyway as I find it very boring & unfulfilling, always have. I'm not sure whether I could accept this type of job though as its always been something inside me that likes to get stuck in and improve things and I find it very hard to sit back and let the ship sink around me as some people seem to be able to do. The trouble is, you get managers above and on your level who will then abuse this attitude by sitting back themselves or demanding more than thhey know they should. If I worked in an environment like I have, I would have to deal with that. I have no problems telling anyone or any level to sod off but I'm much harder on myself than anyone else could be and I just kick myself as I see it as not performing. This is something I would have to resolve. If I can get into something I enjoy, I doubt it would matter as much. It was a burnout, but I worked like that for years and enjoyed things and something must have changed; maybe a combination of too much work, letting social things slide, losing some confidence due to having a few knives stuck in my back that pigeon-holed my role, etc.

Realistically, mindless is all its going to be for a while as my CV is knackered now so I will be lucky to get a job pushing trollies!

I am sure you could find something even though there is a break on your cv but I agree with you about being hard on yourself I am exactly the same
Maybe anxious people have the same personality and traits

[Pinguanxious]

Terry you can just be honest, there was a break because you had family issues or personal issues?? They can't discriminate for honesty.

Andy yes work is boring for me too at the moment, I'm ok despite my TOTm coming up very soon I haven't noticed much of an increase in my anxiety except I've had a few bad dreams that cause me to wake up anxious. But I recover quite quickly! Going to read more into defociancy now I think, it's always good to learn things.
I'm surprised at how good and normL I feel and I couldn't really have done it without this place! Next job is to get both of you feeling better! If we stick together we can all beat this

[MyNameIsTerry]

MrAndy - yeah, I think I've heard that as well and reading Tessar's thread about self criticism would seem its common on here. One of the Cognitive Distortions is 'All or nothing thinking' and I think that is a big problem of mine as I will take something and shape it into something that has to be much larger to tick all the boxes.

I'm sure its possible to get something, I just know how it appeared at the company I was a manager at, it was a big negative, especially long term illness and it would see CV's binned over someone without these issues because of the possible cost to the business if it resurfaces. Its also sadly true that its easier to get a job if you already have one.

What I was going to do was volunteer and populate it that way. At least it shows something and its a different skillset to a volunteer so it can appeal to employers. The charity I used to attend the walk-ins at were big advocates of volunteering at some stage in recovery but for more reasons than this as it can be a good way to rebuild the lost self confidence, self worth, self esteem, etc.

Pingu - I know, but they can easily descriminate as its extremely hard to prove unless you are already employed by the company because you don't know who the other candidates are. Employers actively descriminate against older people despite the equality laws, its just not proveable.

I don't mind being truthful. I said that to my last employer, within reason, I don't mind discussing these disorders. There are certain things which I would keep within a medical environment, although I feel free to discuss them on here given we have anonimity and are among likeminded people.

Given I'm not claiming anything, I could have travelled the world for a while...I wish!!!

I think rebuilding it with some volunteering could help. Especially if I do a few and take on different types of roles.

[pulisa]

Terry, you should be in paid employment and you could easily overhaul our current appalling mental health services with your abundant knowledge.

I would rather pay to consult with you rather than chance my luck with some of these charlatans posing as psychiatrists/psychologists who haven't got a clue!

Seriously though, you have such a lot to offer any prospective employer.