Feel like something isn't right??

[Girl18]

Thanks for the explanation of 'blip'. I definitely noticed I go through a blip. I'm fine for 1-2 days and then it comes back... like this morning. I felt it creeping on me and I felt panic. I quickly changed my focus on a different thought and I'm okay. I'm scared to "check" on my past to see if I feel different about it because I don't get the feeling I want. I know this is an issue and I need to just let it go and let it be.

[jake1234]

Got home from work yesterday and aside from the anxiety and depression, felt real lethargic, like it could be physical. Just wanted to lay around all day and do nothing. Then I start googling and now I'm convinced I have a brain tumor.

Of course, I went to bed early and up early in depressive/anxious symptoms AGAIN, and now I'm at work - and my neck is stiff. So, is it depression, anxiety, or am I truly physically sick? I have no fever - and everyone around me (family) is healthy - so now I'm obsessing which it is.

I'm leaning towards something wrong physically, maybe I just have a bug. Or a severe tumor pressing on some vital organ in my brain. I could only wish.

[Girl18]

Got home from work yesterday and aside from the anxiety and depression, felt real lethargic, like it could be physical. Just wanted to lay around all day and do nothing. Then I start googling and now I'm convinced I have a brain tumor.

Of course, I went to bed early and up early in depressive/anxious symptoms AGAIN, and now I'm at work - and my neck is stiff. So, is it depression, anxiety, or am I truly physically sick? I have no fever - and everyone around me (family) is healthy - so now I'm obsessing which it is.

I'm leaning towards something wrong physically, maybe I just have a bug. Or a severe tumor pressing on some vital organ in my brain. I could only wish.

Hey Jake. 99.9% you don't have any brain tumor. Anxiety and stress can cause bodily aches and stiffness. I used to get very bad tension headaches and it would start from the shoulders up. This was when I was really stressed at school. Try doing some neck stretches... press your chin down to your chest (gently), move your head from right to left. Also relax your shoulders. You may not realize how fixing the posture can affect tension. 2 weeks ago I had the worst chest pains linked to acid and tense unrelaxed shoulders. When I finally relaxed my shoulders, the pain subsided.

Stress and anxiety can definitely tire the body out. I would lie down, relax, read a book, or even take a bath (seriously), it helps a lot.

[Girl18]

The question is, how do you break the ritual? Not performing it creates increased anxiety, which is classic of OCD. You say that keeping busy helps, so perhaps when this has happened you can use distraction techniques or hobbies to keep away from that type of thinking. Its not a typical ritual with OCD in that you perform if in situation X, possibly X many times and then move on...yours sounds more like it just stays in your head until you complete it. So, I question whether you can distarct yourself long enough for it to pass or whether you need to change how you feel about the situation instead to undemine it. If the latter, I would go for Mindfulness because you will need to skills to let it pass and it will teach you this. It may be that you need to think about the situation as it arises so that you can rationalise it so it doesn''t play on your mind and build up to this larger anxiety. CBT tools may help for this or it might be another time for Mindfulness but now in the form of examining the thoughts directly to understand that they don't make your body anymore anxious if you just sit there and let them happen and its the overthinking that builds it up.

Another classic sign of obsessional thinking, which OCD has, but I think is seen more from the angle of HA sufferers is the reassurance angle and questioning whether its anxiety or not. Its definately part of the anxiety so try to understand that and don't keep questioning it because its nothing more sinister, its a temporary issue, you weren't born with some cheating streak in you, it developed for some reason probably latched onto what happened in your past. Dealing with the reassurance is about the ritual again because in admitting/confessing, its acting as a cleansing ritual but you have nothing to confess to so its based on a cognitive distortion.

Terry, I dug this up today and it makes me feel relieved. I find myself questioning whether this is really OCD or real guilt and that I am a horrible person. I just want to move on and forget about it but they way it has latched onto me is just scary. Recently I've learned to block the intrusive thoughts out of my head about the past like my body and brain can't deal with it anymore ... all the anxiety and panic. Once in a while it'll see through cracks and I panic and get anxious. I don't know whether to continue blocking it or just let the thoughts and feelings come. I feel so lost with this. Each morning I notice when I wake up I feel good and then my mind is like, "wait a second, you are a horrible person and you thought and did this and this and this" and of course I start my day off in a bad/sad mood. I'm just curious to know if it just passes on its own with time or I have to tackle it head on.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Terry, what meds are you on?

Duloxetine, Jake. Don't let my story put you off though because there are people on here who take this and say it has helped them greatly.

---------- Post added at 09:03 ---------- Previous post was at 09:01 ----------

Hey Terry! I will take a look around this thread. Thank you . May I ask what a 'blip' is?

Hi Girl18,

In the context of how we tend to use it on NMP a "blip" is like a bump in the road. So, you are on the road to recovery and every now & again you hit one and it makes you feel like you have gone backwards or that your anxiety is worse when its more likely a temporary thing to ride out.

---------- Post added at 09:06 ---------- Previous post was at 09:03 ----------

Girl18.... you sound so much like me.... it's exactly what I used to say to terry and Andy. Please if you get time read this thread from start to finish as things that were posted here really helped me.

Terry I'm so glad ur mum is doing better. And 6 days is long for a blip but it's over with now at least (a blip is when people like me or terry who generally are feeling better get some bad days)
Wedding planning is ok. Going on holiday next week and I can't wait I need to just get away for a bit and I think it will really help.
I've been a bit anxious this morning. I'm feeling g really tired too so it could just be a bad morning. But I'll just go to work and not focus on it and hopefully all will be ok and then it's hot bath time tonight!

Good stuff. I hope you enjoy your holiday and have some nice weather. Your baths can be substituted for for some sunbathing (which can involve a book )

Yes, its been a long one but I'm not going to judge it because when I had one for 5 days, the next one was more like 2. I guess I'm having a funny stage. I've noticed I'm more inclined to more anxiety in my blips in the summer months and more low moods/fatigue in winter but my Omega 3 is staving off the low moods at least.

---------- Post added at 09:10 ---------- Previous post was at 09:06 ----------

glad to hear shes doing ok Terry ,that must have been a worry for you
what are you going to do about your meds ? ,they dont seem to be agreeing with you
The green hog has had plenty of thrashing since the weather has been good

The strange thing was, I handled it fine. The first day when things were up in the air was more tricky but I was already in my current blip so it was more likely that. Once this went, I found I could handle it all no problem, in fact I rose to the challenge of it all. I think that further proves that these blips are detrimental and not reflective of my true state.

Pulisa recommended dropping to 30mg. I only had these agitation problems when I went to 60mg (the standard dose for GAD). Sadly, the manufacturer doesn't make them in other sizes and even the generics only add a 50mg to the list. The branded are full of hundreds of enteric coated beads so its not easy and I maye have to just go for a 50% reduction. Pulisa's daughter did this and will her autism I think she would be more affected by side effects than I would as she has naturally stronger fears. I still need to see my GP first though as mine are 60mg in one capsule currently.

How does your new bike compare to your last one? I recall that was a cool looking beast too!

---------- Post added at 09:23 ---------- Previous post was at 09:10 ----------

Terry, I dug this up today and it makes me feel relieved. I find myself questioning whether this is really OCD or real guilt and that I am a horrible person. I just want to move on and forget about it but they way it has latched onto me is just scary. Recently I've learned to block the intrusive thoughts out of my head about the past like my body and brain can't deal with it anymore ... all the anxiety and panic. Once in a while it'll see through cracks and I panic and get anxious. I don't know whether to continue blocking it or just let the thoughts and feelings come. I feel so lost with this. Each morning I notice when I wake up I feel good and then my mind is like, "wait a second, you are a horrible person and you thought and did this and this and this" and of course I start my day off in a bad/sad mood. I'm just curious to know if it just passes on its own with time or I have to tackle it head on.

How do you block it? With distractions by any chance?

There are some studies of intrusive thoughts that show the more you fight against them, the worse they become because it signals to your subconscious that it has done something "valid" because of how much you are trying to fight it. Notice I saw "valid" though, not correct.

There are also studies which show attempting to ignore these thoughts makes us think about them all the more.

I found the best way was through Mindfulness. One of the 8 elements of this is acceptance but its far more powerful than acceptance only methods because it teaches you more than this alone e.g. how to control your thoughts by gently steering them away from areas you don't want them to go which is achieved in meditation form by using the induction process again, typically your breathing.

If you become none judgemental about them, your subconscious no longer has negative feedback. Negatives are more powerful than positives as they are survival based. Have a read of Davit's threads on the Panic board which explain all this, expecially the "Words" one which includes some articles I posted about this issue.

It takes longer for positives to feedback because they don't trigger a reaction. So, your subconscious starts to see a pattern on non reaction to the intrusive thoughts. The first shift tends to be that they come less and have less intensity. Over time they then come without anxiety and then can come with other emotions/feelings e.g. I have smiled or been amused at how ludicrous mine have - a positive reaction which by its nature can't reinforce the old negative one and also doesn't give any real feedback other than a positive emotion which is has less strength than a negative one. Eventually they just flash through but you have to remember that studies have proven that all people have intrusive thoughts, they just don't realise it. So, don't set a target like 'I want to banish all intrusive thoughts' because it s a negative target as its not possible. Set your targets based on low frequency, no anxiety response and a non judgemental view of them as this is achieveable.

Also, I noticed you have signed up to Headspace for the trial. If you follow the link in my signature it will take you to my Mindfulness resources thread which has free resources including an entire MBSR course! MBSR is your Jon Kabat-Zinn's creation that has a load of clinical data to support it reducing stress in various physical issues (cancer, asthma, etc) but also in treating anxiety & depression. We have MBCT over here but that is based on Kabat-Zinn's work as he introduced Mindfulness to the West in the 70's.

So, you could use the 8 week full course in that thread and the guy who authored it has made it a free resource and he is qualified under Kabat-Zinn's university to teach.

[MrAndy]

The strange thing was, I handled it fine. The first day when things were up in the air was more tricky but I was already in my current blip so it was more likely that. Once this went, I found I could handle it all no problem, in fact I rose to the challenge of it all. I think that further proves that these blips are detrimental and not reflective of my true state.

Pulisa recommended dropping to 30mg. I only had these agitation problems when I went to 60mg (the standard dose for GAD). Sadly, the manufacturer doesn't make them in other sizes and even the generics only add a 50mg to the list. The branded are full of hundreds of enteric coated beads so its not easy and I maye have to just go for a 50% reduction. Pulisa's daughter did this and will her autism I think she would be more affected by side effects than I would as she has naturally stronger fears. I still need to see my GP first though as mine are 60mg in one capsule currently.

How does your new bike compare to your last one? I recall that was a cool looking beast too

we often rise to the challenge in crisis,when my mom had cancer last year I took it all in my stride ,it didnt affect me anxiety wise
my new bikes a beast it is smaller.lighter and much much faster than my old one its a gen 4 kawasaki zx10r in green ,like the incredible hulk

[MyNameIsTerry]

So, at a distance people will be seeing a greenish blur zipping through the country lanes...like Sonic The Hedgehog! You just want a couple of mini rocket launchers on the front like Streethawk now!

I live on the main route for all the bikers who go to Matlock so I usually see loads of them heading there or back again at some point.

[MrAndy]

So, at a distance people will be seeing a greenish blur zipping through the country lanes...like Sonic The Hedgehog! You just want a couple of mini rocket launchers on the front like Streethawk now!

I live on the main route for all the bikers who go to Matlock so I usually see loads of them heading there or back again at some point.

I like matlock but the police crack down very heavily on bikers in that area,i tend to go into the cotswolds or mid wales on B roads to stay away from the plod.Not that i speed or anything

[Girl18]

Duloxetine, Jake. Don't let my story put you off though because there are people on here who take this and say it has helped them greatly.

---------- Post added at 09:03 ---------- Previous post was at 09:01 ----------



Hi Girl18,

In the context of how we tend to use it on NMP a "blip" is like a bump in the road. So, you are on the road to recovery and every now & again you hit one and it makes you feel like you have gone backwards or that your anxiety is worse when its more likely a temporary thing to ride out.

---------- Post added at 09:06 ---------- Previous post was at 09:03 ----------



Good stuff. I hope you enjoy your holiday and have some nice weather. Your baths can be substituted for for some sunbathing (which can involve a book )

Yes, its been a long one but I'm not going to judge it because when I had one for 5 days, the next one was more like 2. I guess I'm having a funny stage. I've noticed I'm more inclined to more anxiety in my blips in the summer months and more low moods/fatigue in winter but my Omega 3 is staving off the low moods at least.

---------- Post added at 09:10 ---------- Previous post was at 09:06 ----------



The strange thing was, I handled it fine. The first day when things were up in the air was more tricky but I was already in my current blip so it was more likely that. Once this went, I found I could handle it all no problem, in fact I rose to the challenge of it all. I think that further proves that these blips are detrimental and not reflective of my true state.

Pulisa recommended dropping to 30mg. I only had these agitation problems when I went to 60mg (the standard dose for GAD). Sadly, the manufacturer doesn't make them in other sizes and even the generics only add a 50mg to the list. The branded are full of hundreds of enteric coated beads so its not easy and I maye have to just go for a 50% reduction. Pulisa's daughter did this and will her autism I think she would be more affected by side effects than I would as she has naturally stronger fears. I still need to see my GP first though as mine are 60mg in one capsule currently.

How does your new bike compare to your last one? I recall that was a cool looking beast too!

---------- Post added at 09:23 ---------- Previous post was at 09:10 ----------



How do you block it? With distractions by any chance?

Terry, I seem to have learned to in a way yell "stop" in my head every time I feel it coming on. I'm not sure where I heard it, maybe from Headspace or here on the forum, but basically it was explained to think of yourself as a home and picture the front door. If you don't want unwanted thoughts, you think to yourself or yell at them in your head, "Leave. You're not welcome here". After that I turn my attention and get distracted in a way. But I know those thoughts are outside the door, I can feel them and once in a while I will check to see what my response will be and if it's the same thing and the rumination begins again, I panic. I'm on day 5 of Headspace and maybe in a way it is helping me. In each session he gets to a point where he asks you to welcome distractions and thoughts, and I get really emotional to the point of crying. After a few seconds he tells you to turn back into yourself and focus on your breathing again and not those thoughts. Maybe something good is coming out of this. I will continue doing it though.

I feel guilty though. Like I am a liar. Every time I look at my partner. I have this strong feelign to confess everything. It's horrible. Maybe I just should. But I've done it before already and I felt good for a few minutes and the OCD latched onto something else, like an infomercial, "but wait! here's this you need to worry about and confess". I hate it!

[MyNameIsTerry]

I've come across that technique in self help articles before. The problem I can see with it is that you have to be careful with the reaction. If you give a negative reaction or even worse, a negative emotional reaction - you reinforce the anxiety. If you can be it with positivity then it could work.

You can't expect it to go away at this point so you are bound to feel it is still there lurking. Accepting this is one way because your current method doesn't go beyond halting it at a certain point. I think that technique is used in panic attacks which might explain this part.

Checking is a compulsion so thats only going to reinforce it. Perform checks that you don't repeat is ok but when they are repetitive or to reduce anxiety, they become compulsions again so they will reinforce it. Its best not to do this outside of things like Behavioural Experiments; where you know you have planned an exercise in hence its not a reaction in doing a compulsion.

The panic again will reinforce, but it takes time to work with all this so it can't be helped until you are moving forward.

What you are currently learning thought Headspace sounds like how to control your mind better by allowing them to enter and then you making the decision to walk away from them. You are not pushing them away, this is a bad idea because it is a reinforcer, but saying to yourself 'I know they are just thoughts, I have accepted them and now I will move in from them'.

It can take a while for Mindfulness to work. Its not only training you to control your mind, each time you engage in it your subconscious is engaging different areas of the brain that are not associated with fear. The more you spend time engaging these, the more they will build new density and the fear centre will lose its density. Have a look at my thread because there should be some studies linked in there which show how they have studied this with MRI's to prove how Mindfulness not only accesses more positive areas of the brain and reduces access to the fear based ones, but also in that over 8 weeks it can decrease density in the fear areas and increase density in the positive areas.

So, you have to give it time because you can't see a lot of what it will be doing. Keep trying to get it to work for you, it took me a couple of months. But after 6 months I suddenly had a shift in my consciousness and I found myself feeling more positive & compassionate.

Confessing is a ritual. You know it will be a temporary relief but long term it just reinforces itself as anxiety. I know this is hard and at first it can mean cutting down as opposed to stopping this. For instance, limit how many times or the amount said or even the topics you are allowed to discuss and then move on to something else. With this compulsion, your partner can help you with this because he has the choice to stop the conversation. So, you could build a hierarchy that works to reduce time spent doing this, what is discussed, how many times, etc and this should be aimed at a reducing level of the compulsion until there is nothing. Kind of like ERP really. If doing this in ERP terms, you would then go a step or two further beyond the target to ensure it has been overcome. Does that make sense?