Tried to stay away but I need help.

[Ollie28]

Hi I've tried to stay away from the subject and the site but tbh it's not made any difference,

I've been told I'm suffering from a form of dissociation possibly psycological related although I am waiting to see a neurologist as the pain I'm in & the lack of mental clarity is driving me insane! I don't know what to believe no more, I litrally feel like my heads in a vice 24/7 being crushed! If I try to think outwards let's say about what I can do this weekend it physically hurts,

I can't take the lack of mental clarity no more, the forgetfulness, the confussion, the lack of awareness and the disconnection, it feels like I have to think everything over before I can do it, even then 2 minutes later I forget what it was.

It feels to me nothing exists, I mean I have do mentally think about it instead of just feeling it without to much effort.

It's getting me in a deep dark hole, I feel like I'm becoming distant from my wife and kids and it's killing mentally killing destroying me.

It feels like I'm fighting to keep hold of a normal life instead of it just feeling natural that's it's there and I can get on with life like normal. Everyday is a mental struggle it's draining me to the point where I'm close to just giving up my job as I'm struggling to do things I have done for 20 years without any effort.

Does anyone else feel like this? Is this normal?

I've been out on trazadone 4 days now and I feel like crap.

Anyone else suffer with dissociation?

---------- Post added at 20:13 ---------- Previous post was at 20:05 ----------

List of things I've had to write down in my phone when I go to see the Nero because I feel thick and can't remember anything when it comes to it...

Also the last few days I've been on some sort of hyporactive thing. I've been going to work grafting all day coming home and just carrying on until 9 at night it feels like my brain dosnt have that switch off button like you know you are tired and done enough I just had to carry on and on despite how tired my body was. I felt so hyped I didn't care about any one or anything. I knew how I felt was wrong not me and I should be worrying but it was like I couldn't no matter how much I tried to connect with my feelings I couldn't find anything. It's scary....

Ild be greatfull if anyone can help with these I'm experiencing... Sorry if there abit miss spelt there just copied & pasted from notes out my phone

- Lack of mental clarity 24/7 can't think at all, it physically hurts to think.
-Body shuts down like the life is taken out of me,I can't talk or know what I'm doing
-when I talk to myself in my mind it feels distant no mind power.
-Little girls birthday I knew it if someone was to ask me but wasn't aware so kept forgetting like it's not existing
- panicked felt like I was dying.
- Extreme fear prickling feeling physically hurts have to take deep breathes to relieve the sensation.
Makes me feel like I'm going crazy.
-Feel like my mind and body is pulling me inwards and away from everything and I'm fighting to keep alive and thinking like normal and outwards.
-Bright light hurts my eyes courses pain in the back of them.
don't feel aware of where I am or what I'm doing & just done 24/7
- struggle problem solving like I don't have the intelligence to figure out what it is I'm ment to do or how to do it. Like my job I've done for 20 years.
- complete lack of brain power to the point I Feel thick
- I can't take anything in feels like my brain is full,
- feel like I'm fading away like im losing my mind power that makes me feel me & like I'm becoming distant from everyone and thing but have no control over it but know it's happening, scares me.
- Pushing down on on my nose & face like pressure
- Excessive sweating don't feel we're I am or feel aware of anything.
Electric shocks through my head & body
Prickling, crawling under my skin Shaking.
- Tickling sensation under my skin Makes me quiver.
- Struggle to talk. Make sentacnces, find words, follow up on conversations & questions,
- lose track of what I'm trying to tell someone end up getting lost
- intelligently like I can't take in what's being said to me or know how to reply,
- Legs go numb n body feels strange I can't function right or talk proper slur words like I don't have the power to say them
- yawning helps, somehow relives my symptoms.
- Ears click open like there blocked.
- When I breath in heavy through my nose my ears block up

Yawning n clicking open clearer
Thick!
Stupid!
Vunrable
No mental intellegence.
Harder I work the worse the feeling of don't sense where I am gets.
The least I do the more I feel the sensations of fear, prickle, lost & panic.
Pain in my head 24-7 changes place and feeling.
Can't put time together, feel lost in time, no awaress of how longs past or what time of day it is.
, if texting my mind can't keep up with what I'm trying to say.
Strange behaviour, find I'm doing things with no reason or thought behind it.
Sometimes I Don't feel anything, if I was told my mum had died I would think that's bad but would t have the feelings of awareness to emotionaly act or feel for it.

[inCOGnito]

Hi buddy. Sorry to hear things are quite rough at the moment. One of the most difficult hurdles, and one that can come and go a lot, is not being sure if it's anxiety or something more sinister. I haven't quite come to the solution about finding a method that effectively addresses that question. But hopefully a trip to the neurologist will surely rule one way or the other. Trust them. I know on the internet side of the fence it's easy to dismiss the medical profession and to quickly judge or doubt them. But neurologists are very good and they do know their stuff.

A lot of wat you wrote, although very uneasy and horrible to experience, can be attributed to anxiety... or rather stress. You've undoubtably been stressed for a long time and with all the bewilderment and fear added in to the mix, it will only have increased your stress.

You can reassure yourself a little by knowing that through all that stuff you're still going, you've been through so much, you're stronger than you think, the fear can't hurt you... it's all that stress that makes you feel like crap. And all that fear, all that worry, all of it is just because you want to know you are safe. Sometimes it helps just talking to yourself out loud. The fear is a message, it's saying "I'm scared". Talking to yourself out loud, or talking to your mind like it is a child can really help, honestly! How would you talk to one of your kids if they were scared? There is a little scared boy inside you and it just wants to talk, to be heard. Listen.

[Ollie28]

Hi thanks for taking the time to reply, I've been to some horrible places with what I'm going through, it's horrible, I was convinced last week for Defo I was going crazy, I've been there before it's feels more like a lack of mind power to the point where even that voice in my head that I use to talk to myself with seems distant and not there. The messed up thing is I know it's happening to me! So if I'm aware it's happening to me where is my natural feeling of awarness & mind power gone? Everyday I get up and pray to god I'm ok I go to work and do my best to just get through the day tryin to not forget anything as it wouldn't be good being a gas fitter. It's strange - i can be feeling like crap one minute like I can't think at all or straight in pain like I'm in pain and nothing will come to me the next I can be feeling ok having free flowing thoughts and feelings then it will go, I try to explain it to my partner I feel like a PC having data loaded in to, I can be sat there feeling like I'm not even here not able to feel how to think the next I'm having all these feelings, thought & memories coming I me. I don't feel like I could possibly learn anything new either like my brain is locked shut or full, I havnt a clue about new music artists, football, news or what's been going on in the world! It's scary. I know this is happening though so wouldn't that mean that possibly a part of my brain isn't working??

It's strange too I keep having these momants where my body just shuts down I feel like I'm about to die & drop to the floor. I struggle to walk like my legs are like jelly, talk, think or feel aware of what's happening around me. I feel I'll too, my wife has witness's it happen a few times and said she can see the colour just drain out of me.
I feel that bad it's like I don't have the intelligence to do anything about it, but I know I'm ill! That part that makes us react just isn't there for me!!!
Each time I have gone straight to food or drink and within 15 mins it's gone, not perfect but it's lifted.
I've been checked for diabetic so I'm puzzled.

My body also has regular sugar craves bad! Like I have to eat sweet in a big load, last night I are my tea a hour later my body was craving massive amount of sweet,

Right now in sat here my head feels like it's being prickled, tense, squashed.