Symptoms come and go

[Rennie1989]

Breakdown =/= insanity


Elen - thank you for your kind words and sorry to hear about your situation.

[I'mdave27]

My brother had a breakdown he said you don't think about having one - you just do have one

[Elen]

Not sure speculation on breakdown's, insanity, etc are particularly helpful.

If I am reading you correctly Rennie it is more a sense of hopelessness and fear that things will not get better that are what are getting to you.

Apologies if I have miss-understood, I guess those are the thoughts that I am fighting with. That and wondering how much longer I want to keep struggling on. It is most definitely not a breakdown.

[chickpea]

I think the most positive thing to hang on to is what you wrote in the subject - "symptoms come and go."
I know you wish that you could be happy, full stop, but the fact that sometimes you feel ok is a good sign - you are not lost. Keep focused on those small moments, not the black ones in between.
I'm sure you've tried it already, but if not, mindfulness would help - Mark Williams' book has an excellent chapter that explains how our "doing" mode brings us down by trying to bridge the gap between where we are and where we want to be - a gap that only gets wider when we try to fix it by "doing".

I have had what I describe as a breakdown, and when it hit, I just wanted to be taken to hospital and knocked out until it was over. I promise you, it passed and life was good again. Sending you lots of strength and positivity - "this too shall pass."

[MrAndy]

Chin up rennie I hope you find a way out of this dark hole

[I'mdave27]

Does mindfulness make the problem go away ? I'm sure someone with mental health problems fins it hard to stop to thinking which is why they are in the mess they are in and plus isn't mindfulness just a poor mans version of meditation ?

[chickpea]

Does mindfulness make the problem go away ? I'm sure someone with mental health problems fins it hard to stop to thinking which is why they are in the mess they are in and plus isn't mindfulness just a poor mans version of meditation ?

Mindfulness involves meditation.
It's not intended to make anything go away, or to stop you thinking - quite the opposite, in fact. It's a way of learning that you don't have to get involved with your thoughts - your thoughts aren't you and you can choose not to engage with them and give them any meaning.
Don't knock it until you've tried it.
I've had a breakdown, depression, anxiety and panic and it's helped me.

[I'mdave27]

Ok that sounds good and I have tried it but it wasn't for me as I'm a sceptic because if are thoughts ain't us then who are they and why are they in my head ?

[jackie13]

Hi Rennie

I have been going through a similar thing. Not so much the feeling of non deserving, worthlessness but defo the erratic moods. I never reach a high but lows are terrible and they happen more often.

I am on 20mg of Cit but the last relapse I was put up an extra 10mg every other day. I have no reason to feel like this and my younger years were good, however, looking back until when I was even early teens I have suffered.

Are you on Meds Rennie? If not, is there something that would help? I don't know how old you are, all our lady hormones don't help if they are not working correctly even at a young age.

I send you luv and hugs as I totally understand how scared you feel. You are not alone and never think you are. I am a stickler for routine, work, hobbies etc, but I had to take a step back and face this as the routine was stopping me from facing, understanding and moving forward.

Please keep us all updated with how you feel.

Hugs
Jackie xx

[chickpea]

Ok that sounds good and I have tried it but it wasn't for me as I'm a sceptic because if are thoughts ain't us then who are they and why are they in my head ?

They are transient. They aren't fact or reality - just thoughts. They only have as much importance as you CHOOSE to put on them - and mindfulness helps us understand that it is a choice.
Out of interest, how did you try mindfulness - was it from a teacher, an online course or a book?
Clinical evidence shows it has a huge positive impact on the chances of a reoccurance of depression, reduces anxiety and pain.
It does take a bit of understanding at first, but even the Headspace ten minute daily podcasts have helped me.