Why does anxiety have to make more 'normal' stress worse?

[Charlotteee89]

Ugh, still horrible anxiety.

I still feel pretty rubbish about being single but the bloomin' anxiety over being lonely (which I'm not) has crept back up again. I find it so difficult to control the thoughts of being lonely, it's a really horrible, stomach churning feeling when those thoughts come. My mind is constantly trying to 'prove' them to me too. Boredom is my main problem, I think. Boredom is causing my anxiety to get worse, to over-analyze myself and everyone and everything around me.

I'm feeling sensitive about silly little things which isn't helping. I'm getting jealous over my close work-friend getting closer to the new girl who I'm good friends with too, they've spent a bit of time together outside of work this past week and I'm feeling left out. Also, today at work, my close work friend was having conversations directly with her about things, and again I felt left out. It's just stuff they've already talked about at work before when I wasn't in or around which she'd only really know about but I still felt left out. But I know it's silly and just my anxiety over-exaggerating it due to the anxiety about loneliness. They've involved me completely in all our plans together and one's they've cooked up together with me involved, they couldn't wait to tell me about them! So I know it's very silly but and I'm annoyed with myself for feeling like this. Me and my close work friend went out on Sat night together after my birthday meal and it was nice just me and her spending time together like old times. They both have serious boyfriends so that's something they have in common and obviously talk and gossip about too.

I seem to be going through this needy, appreciation phase at the moment, it's like I need reassurance that people care about me. (Probably anxiety induced!)

[Oosh]

I think you sound very normal Charlotte. Ive felt like that and i reckon most people do. Its not very enjoyable but everything is about how you choose to see it. And i think you should see this as evidence that after lots of social anxiety in your past you now have all the normal drives to be in close personal relationships again.

The thing is, you can be surrounded by your work mates and so on but, ive found, what makes you feel secure, is having people of your own, who are there for YOU. Having that someone who`s more special than your work colleagues and is YOURS.

Without having those closer relationships you will naturally get insecure around your work colleagues and friends when you see them getting on and with their special people because, once again, you feel like youre looking from the outside without having that special person in your life who you feel is yours and there for you.

Im not only talking about partners. It can just be a really good friend you trust and who you know genuinely cares about you, like the mate you went out with on your birthday. It makes all the difference having those people in your life. And with a lack of them you`ll naturally feel insecure in all sorts of people situations.

On the other hand you sound like you have good mates there at work who are including you and you have this good friend you spent your birthday with.

To be honest, without being in a close relationship with that type of person id expect you to feel quite lonely. I think thats normal. Theres nothing wrong with feeling lonely. Its not sad, its normal.

Also, when you say that things are "probably anxiety" i think you should consider that things can be the result of having too much time alone to think and being too "in your own head". Its THAT that makes you anxious.

You need a new life in 2015 where you can find these things that youre needing now. New close people who are there for YOU, be around people so youre not given time to get in your own head too much and an exciting new job/environment to get your teeth into !

I see you in the RAF with a big hunky RAF bloke staring at you dreamily, youve got your own place, money in the bank and lots of opportunities.

[Charlotteee89]

I hate obsessional thinking so much! I literally spend all day obsessing/over-thinking about my obsessive thoughts.

I do have friends, and a few who I'd class as really close friends. I think I'm just feeling a bit down about not having friends who I can spend time with as much as I actually want too, I'm now yearning to do more social stuff, and the fact I get so anxious being at home too long just makes those feelings more intense. Most of the problem is my awkward hours at work - I only work evenings and so do my close work friends and we don't have the same days off so it's difficult to plan stuff, and of course there's the money side of things. And they all have busy lives outside of work - family, boyfriends, horses, etc, whereas I don't really. I'm also feeling very insecure about myself and I just seem to want reassurance that I'm cared about. Like I mentioned above.

I wouldn't say I'm lonely, maybe a little, more so in the sense that I haven't got a partner/boyfriend (And I really want one too! , there's a guy I've been talking to but I'm unsure about him). I think boredom is the main problem, like I also mentioned above. I'm sick to death of my job, I can't motivate myself when I'm there and I just cannot be bothered with it anymore, I have no interest in it. So that's not helping, it's just making my anxiety worse and making me over-think and be 'all in my head'.

I just feel so stressed! I'm going to be working ridiculous hours over Christmas too.

[Oosh]

Tut. Yeh, sounds like you're in a bit of a sticky situation. Working evenings is rubbish. I've worked nights and it's hard.
The last thing you need when you're trying to build a fuller social life is a job that gets in the way of everything.

You still live at home. Can't you jump into some sort of daytime admin job now ?
At least that helps with your social life.

Don't jump into a relationship with someone you're not sure about. It just ends up biting you on the backside later on.

[Charlotteee89]

I just need to stop over-thinking. Stop paying too much attention to my obsessive thoughts and letting them have power. I used to have just the thoughts and not much physical symptoms with my SAD, now it's both - once you start getting panicky with your anxiety that starts making it worse, you feel over-whelmed and could easily have a panic attack. I can handle the thoughts just not the intense physical reactions I get. Not having control over yourself/life/body has got to be the worse feeling ever.

And I would much rather have a job with day hours but my close friends are the ones I work with so seeing them won't be too much easier. I think I just need a whole new lifestyle, it's just hard to know where to start! I'm going to have to reschedule my driving test until the new year now too but it wouldn't make much difference if I passed now anyways. I'm working too much and won't have time to fit in getting used to my car etc. So after Xmas would be a better time - I'll be more relaxed and will have my normal shifts back, so more time in the day and week to fit it all in. Then I can start looking for a new job!

I just need to concentrate on the moment, and not myself and everything around me, stop thinking off 100 things at a time. I don't want to have an anxiety flare up now! Just got to remember everything I've learnt with my Therapist.

[Charlotteee89]

Ugh, just another rant.

Well I've had a TERRIBLE day!

I woke up feeling anxious and tired and tried to get myself some good discounts (Black Friday) on online fashion retailer websites but that just didn't work as all the websites were too slow or kept crashing so that just stressed me out and put me in a bad mood. Then I saw on Facebook that my closest work friend and our the newer work girl who we've become good friends with have today booked tickets to see someone in concert and that just did it! My first reaction was "OH, well THANKS for inviting me!" especially since I said in conversation a few days ago I wouldn't mind going. So that just made me feel like crap. I've already lost a good friend who I've known since I was little due to her being a rubbish friend in the end, the last thing I want or need right now is to be thinking I'm losing another, or to feel that I'm being replaced. I know it's silly but I've been so teary eyed all day.

They were both at work today but finished not long after I started and I was so off with them and walked off (I feel terrible now for that), they clearly knew I was in a bad mood and one asked if I was okay and I gave her a very blunt "Yeah I'm fine." and she said that I was the worse liar in the World and asked again but I just shrugged. Afterwards we was hovering by the desk and I ignored them and I could tell they were wondering what the hell was up with me and looked concerned and confused and I just walked off... After I walked off from them they didn't follow they just left to sign out. Maybe they felt awkward and felt it was best to let me get on with with it or thought I didn't want to talk about it. Another colleague also knew I wasn't right and asked and I eventually told her and see said she thought that was the problem. Not sure if they think so too.

The newer girl will be working the same shift as me tomorrow so she's bound to ask me if I'm okay etc, I think I'm just gonna tell her the truth - I'm feeling sensitive atm and that just threw me off and I just don't want to lose anymore friends. She's very easy to talk too.

Ugh.

[Oosh]

It's not silly. Most people would be bothered by that, I would. Just explain to them (even stuff about feeling left out because you lost your bf) I'm sure they'll understand.

[Charlotteee89]

We've sorted it all out! Phew!

I was worried they were annoyed with me but they weren't, they were both worried and concerned that they had upset me. They talked after they finished and the newer girl said to my more close work friend that she'd talk to me tomorrow (today) and sort it out with me and told her not to worry. I was pretty open with her about how I felt and she said she understood completely and that there's absolutely no way they intentionally left me out or anything like that, it was all just a very spontaneous thing, very spur-of-the-moment and apparently when they mentioned the concert to me earlier in the week I didn't seem overally keen. She was really lovely about it and I could tell she felt awful about upsetting me. I told her I was scared of losing anymore friends and she said "Don't be stupid, you know how much I love you and how much she loves you too! You couldn't get rid of us that easily!" She also said that if it seems she's stepping on anyone's toes then she'll take a step back. So I feel better about everything. I'm glad they took my bad mood seriously and didn't laugh about it behind my back or think I was being pathetic. Just shows that I do indeed have good, true friends.

[Oosh]

Fantastic

[Charlotteee89]

It's just what I needed to hear after having such a stressful/high anxiety ridden week.

But now because I've had such a bad week with anxiety my obsessive/intrusive thoughts about suicide have flared up again! I think I saw something on the news about it and of course that suddenly triggered it. They were so intense last night! I thought I was going to have a panic attack, I just had to try and fall asleep. And then once they come back I feel rubbish and quite low and that then makes them worse as my thoughts then have another reason to come.

Gah, I hate obsessional thinking! They can appear at any time. I remember being in such a state about them with my Therapist and she was so lovely and made me understand them, I literally thought I would have to sectioned or something! I was terrified. I still do get scared when they appear, I feel like I'm losing control of myself and a panic attack is what normally follows.