Why does anxiety have to make more 'normal' stress worse?

[Oosh]

Oh you're having fears of losing control ? Oh phew, thank god for that. That's the most clearest sign you could ever have that you only have anxiety/panic
Breathe a huge sigh of relief every time you have that fear and thank it for reminding you that you only have anxiety.

Anxiety/panic likes to make suggestions to you, especially the things you fear most. Every anxious person fears losing control and all the other big fears. Throw a bit of self doubt in there and you have that lurching stomach feeling as you entertain the fear that it really might be true.

The thing is, all you need for it to be totally powerless is to KNOW that it's not true. And its NOT true. You just have a bit of anxiety and panic that's all. It might be occasionally unpleasant and uncomfortable and VERY annoying but it's NOT going to make you do anything you do not want to do.
You ARE in control.

Laugh it off. Ridicule the suggestion. Picture your arm coming up and trying to beat you to death with a banana and you're like "oh nooooo, I KNEW this was going to happen !"
Never going to happen is it

Like it or not you're in charge. Laugh at and ridicule any suggestion that you're not.

[Charlotteee89]

Oh yes, those "What if" thoughts! And then a lot of others also relating to suicide. I had a bit of a 'moment' earlier when an obsessional thought of "What stops me from doing something like that?" popped into my head! I then couldn't think of anything so I panicked even more! , it's not exactly a question we ask ourselves everyday or even think about on a daily basis so I know my reaction to not being able to think of anything good was silly but I freaked myself out! Then because I panicked my obsessional thinking decided that panicking was a cover up and I should just let myself 'admit it' I then panicked even more as that's definitely NOT the case at all. Ugh.

I read someone about obsessive/intrusive thoughts being an outlet for anxiety when there's excess adrenalin... Definitely feels like it!

I just need to remember how to stop giving these thoughts power and not to react to them as they'll just carry on and get worse. Don't give them any value at all. Not easy though! I have a severe fear of losing control or becoming so depressed that suicide becomes an option. I think that's where the intrusive thought of exactly that are coming from. Playing on my worst fears.

[Oosh]

What if you become so depressed that the s word becomes an option ?

Well if you look at it, it's just a suggestion. It's just a question it's asking you.

If its asking you this question it could be asking you one of a billion+ questions.
Like -
What if you become so depressed that you push out of your comfort zone and build a great life and look back when you are an old lady and smile at it all ?
Or -
What if you try and try and try to become so depressed because you are so fed up but you just can't because that's just not how you're wired so you get bored and stop trying ?

You can ask ANYTHING you want because they are all just anything you can think up. They don't HAVE to be the type of questions that disturb you.

Now you maybe find it hard to stop those initial panicy suggestions from popping in there but you're most certainly in control of what you can suggest to yourself after it appears to make fun of it and take all of its power away.

Your what ifs don't HAVE to be scary. Those scary ones find it pretty hard to stick around if you're just going to keep making fun of them after they appear !

What if you wake up and your ears have turned into tomatoes and you have to go into work and everyone's going to be going "omg omg look, charlottes got tomatoes for ears what's goin on, what's goin on, this is outrageous !"

That's as valid AND as ridiculous a suggestion as your anxieties what if about dep/sui.

Make fun of "What ifs" !
This is how you can take back control. This is how you can change your state to whatever you want it to be.
Ask whatever questions/suggestions you want ! It's your imagination !
Leave yourself giggling not stressed !

[kristaok]

I don't really have friends but I get separation anxiety when my husband leaves for work... I'm sorry you're going through this, just know you're not alone.

[Charlotteee89]

Yeah, I suppose treating those thoughts/suggestions like any other thought might be a good idea! It's the power we give the thoughts that causes the problems!

I'm not in work till Friday now and yesterday and today I've been at home all day... And I'm bored! I'm used to having Sunday's off so that was fine but now, on a Monday evening I'm just BORED lol! I hate not having a car as I can't just go out and do what I want, when I want! My cousin popped in earlier so that kept me occupied for a few hours.

There's only so much tv, films etc to watch! It's crazy how now I get cabin fever after being at home for ONE DAY! A few years ago I could go 2 WEEKS without leaving the house and be fine as going outside was the issue!

I'm thinking about going into town tomorrow to attempt some more Xmas shopping. That's a start atleast. I've texted my close friend from work suggesting that if she's free over the next few days then she could come round for a bit and chill or something. But she's normally really busy (horses, big family, boyfriend) and tired on her days off so I'll have to wait and see about that. If I could drive then I could do pick her up or pop round hers rather than her always having to drive over to mine from the other side of town. Sigh.

[Oosh]

Ugh. I spent long amounts of time there.

I joined a health club and went swimming and used the facilities.

As a female you could also do the classes health clubs offer like Zumba etc. You can then be around lots of other people and enjoy yourself.
Maybe you could end up chatting to a few of those familiar faces after you've been attending for a while.

Going shopping sounds good.

Is it possible for you to do an adult education course in evenings or at weekends ? Learn something and hopefully be around some nice people on a regular basis. I did Spanish. Something where you're cooking might be fun. There might be some hunky introverted dude there who doesn't drink and is hoping to find a gf.

Buy a moped until you can drive. You could be on the roads after only a one day course called a cbt. Pass your driving test then sell the moped and get your money back. You'd be mobile a lot quicker then and gain valuable road experience. Just an idea.

[Charlotteee89]

Why am I just SO sensitive!

Basically, my 2 close friends from work went out for a meal together tonight (I've been at work all evening) at a restaurant they've been talking about for weeks. That's completely fine, but it's almost like my very close friend out of the 2 didn't tell me purposely earlier at work (probably due to the whole concert ticket drama) and when I mentioned it she seemed a bit uncomfortable and awkward (I found out through another friend at work) and she said she's not sure if they're going yet. We'd all planned to go out up town afterwards but we've decided to reschedule for next week as they're too tired.

Now, I'm not bothered that they went, I'm more bothered that they felt like they couldn't tell me they were, if that makes sense? I'm not sure if they would've mentioned it if I didn't mention it myself on our planned night out tonight, I hope they would've, otherwise that would've been awkward.

I'm just feeling meh. I still feel jealous though, I just need to get used to the idea that they're going to spend time together without me at times, but I can't help but think my closest friend prefers her to me, now. I know that sounds crazy but I'm feeling so sensitive about it.

Should I just not say anything at all and play it cool? Or mention that I feel that they didn't tell me purposely? I just don't know! If it's the latter, than that's just going to cause even more problems tbh as that will make our friendship awkward and me look like a jealous so and so.

[courierdude]

you wont achieve anything by telling your friends that you are jealous of them. ive only started reading what you have told us and it seems that they are getting together and want to spend time alone together. of course that will diminish your relationship with them as it does with all friends once they get hooked on their new partner. ..there really is no need to tell them how you feel so i would save it for places like this.

i like ooshs take on things, that you should just get yourself out there and look for ways to enjoy your time around other people who are also there for the exact same reason.

its not just you as im sure that you are aware.

[Charlotteee89]

Yeah, me getting sensitive (again) will just make things worse. I will play it cool and be all "Did you have a nice meal?" etc etc. If they did actually not tell me because they thought I'd be bothered I need them to not think that, I don't want to do anything to encourage it and for them to start resenting me. We're all going out next weekend now instead.

It's just always been me and this work friend so I suppose I need to start getting used to having a third person involved now. But 3's a crowd and all that. I know it's nothing personal, it's not like they don't want to spend time with me, it's pretty simple really - they both finished work at the same time (however the other girl wasn't at work at all today) so it was a perfect opportunity for them to go to the restaurant they (well all of us) have been talking about for weeks. I did feel a bit meh that they didn't wait to go with me, but oh well. They're friends who went out for a meal together, that's all.. But I do feel like a bit of a second fiddle now, I suppose all this is normal, loads of people go through this type of thing in friendships.



EDIT: Maybe some of it is me feeling a bit down as I was stuck at work unable to go out and have a social life, maybe it's not all to do with them personally. I know they would've invited me if I wasn't working and it's probably something they decided during last night's shift as they both work together on Thursday nights. Not an overally pre-planned thing. I just need to get over it, stop over-thinking everything. They made it clear to me last time that they really care about me etc etc. *slaps self*

[courierdude]

nothing wrong with digging around or asking how they are getting on no?

it is sad when that happens but it is very part of growing up and the other side is that i am envious of my mates who all hang out together and dont have to be responsible to anyone.