Most people who know me on here know me as the cheeky one sometimes abit risky with me behaviour and most of the time a little bit tipsy. But i have always been good at putting on a front spent most of my life doing it. Someone commented to me the other week that i have two sides my public and my private one. So obviously most people will never get to see the private me. I very rarely talk about my issues in chat or on here because it would make me feel vunerable and i dont do vunerable very well. But underneath all the bravado im struggling. Not much makes sense anymore and i feel i have hit a cross roads in my life. If im really honest my life is a mess right now, ive got so many decisions to make and im not sure where to start. Im not sleeping because the minute i go to bed the thoughts of dread hit me and i become anxious. My doc has put me on new meds which have solved the panic (i managed the supermarket on them) but i have found that my anxiety has increased, maybe because im not concentrating on the panic i dont know. Im always telling people a day at a time, but cant seem to take my own advice on board. All i can see is the weeks stretching out in front of me, and tbh its scaring the s**t out of me. My problem is the front because my friends just dont see how messed up i really am. Thank god most of them dont use this site, but saying that i know i need to start dropping the front and telling people how i really feel. So i suppose this is my first step to doing it. Thanks for reading this if you have Any tips would be gratefully recieved.
Peace
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donna