Hi All,
I have been viewing this forum for a while but this is my first post.
I have been struggling with harm OCD since June and trying to come to grips with it. Note, I have never been violent and these are opposite of my character. I had never been clinically diagnosed with OCD in the past, but have always had minor anxiety.
After a bout of burnout and major panic attacks my GP prescribed me an AD (over the last 5 months I tried 6 different ones all with unbearable side effects). Shortly after being on then discontinuing the AD, I started having images pop in my head of me stabbing my spouse. This completely freaked me out so I started to see a psychiatrist who prescribed another AD (Effexor) which made me bedridden and increased the frequency of the negative thoughts. I took those for less than a week and dropped them. However, I spiraled into a cycle of fear due to the thoughts and "urges" associated with them. At the time it was that I was going to hurt my family members. I was afraid of when they came home and I had to spend time with them.
Fast forward 4 months to now and for the most part I am doing better with the anxiety/stress and with some of the Harm OCD thoughts. I spend as much time as possible with my family and no longer avoid them, but still have challenges with thoughts/urges/doubt. The OCD seems to have changed and appears to focus on "new" ways of causing harm or provided scary unwanted urges. Gone are the stabbing family with knives or running over random people thoughts/fears, to now just a fear or feeling that I could strike / hit someone with a fist or tea mug (weird I know). The worst is with my spouse (whom I love deeply) who when I am sitting or laying next to I almost get this sensation that I can reach out and "pop" her with my fist - very distressing and feels so real.
My question is, for anyone that has experienced or conquered harm OCD, how do you / did you deal with the uncomfortable feelings and urges / thoughts when around loved ones?
For me I try to accept it's ocd but sometimes it's hard sitting with the feelings and thoughts, yet I don't want to run away and avoid them, but I also don't like them lingering for so long.
Sorry for the long post. Any comments are welcomed.