with me forever i think

[chrisl]

it has been 5 years since my ex wife left me . and what i have gone through has been hell and still is . the depression and anxiety never go away yes there are good day but lots of bad days . have been sectioned and tried loads of tabs . only thing that keep me going or diaz and cocodamal which is for my back . im lucky that my doctors are really good with me and i cannot say enough about them all . but i no its somthing i will have to live with the rest off my life how ever long that will b ?. just needed to put this in writeing . just a really really bad time at the min . and have to go back to work tomorrw . i could only take a week off work like all of us we need money to pay the bills . ok doctor saying you need a month off . its not that easy when things need paying . so its back to work with a smile on my face when i wish i was ???? well you now how it is .

[lior]

I wonder if you can get sick leave for mental health?

I know how you feel :(

[chrisl]

hello lior. i use my holidays up from work when im really bad but i have used them all up now . where i work in a care home they only allow us 8 days paid sick leave a year . i really am not ready to go back to work tomorow . i went in 2 days last week but had to go home both times becuse my anxiety was so bad .i have tried so hard to keep my job but i dont no how i am going to keep going .sorry for the moan .i no there are people worse off than me . but when your head is just spinning with things from the past and and you have to be so nice at work and all you want to do is go away and hide in a corner . if only people new what we really go through .

[lior]

Yeah people really don't know what we go through! I could barely get out of bed this morning I was so depressed - it was looking quite bad this morning. Then my boss was all snappy at me even though I told her how hard things were. She must just not get it in the slightest.

You sound like you do have a problem if you had to leave work because of anxiety. Other people may be worse off, but you can be honest with yourself that things are not 100% amazing.

[chrisl]

well its half past 4 in the morning and still no sleep . depression and my anxiety just to much for me to face work . i have tried so many antidepressants with some really bad side effects . been in hospital because of them just cannot see where to go from here . yes had cbt etc but nothing will change the way i feel . everyone always it will get better yes it might for some people and yes i do have good times but always end up back where i started . but this time i no its just getting to much for me now . i will go and see the doctor today why i dont no because i no what he will say . i so badly need to be back at work and that makes it worse because i no what i shud do . just so mixed up with things in my head .

[MyNameIsTerry]

Perhaps take a different approach for now Chris and look at whether there is any financial support available to you? In some areas there are charities set up to help people who are working but with anxiety & depression so see if there are any in your area as they tend to give support from a HR perspective so you know your rights.

Its a really bad situation to be in and GP's prioritise health but don't seem to think about reality as much. Raise it with them and maybe they will have some links to other services that can help you with this? I know in my area there ia a charity only for anxiety & depression sufferers who are employed and they offer HR support as well which is a useful element that other charities tend not to. I knew my relapse was going to come and worked very hard to save as much money as I could to try to support myself but not everyone has that luxury.

[chrisl]

thanks for the reply terry ,hope you dont mind me calling you terry . just been in to work with a doctors note . did see the manager and it did not go to well at first she is the same as alot of people that dont understand what i go through . but am going back to work this monday . have seen docs this morning he says no but he not paying my bills . will look into what you have said thanks but will wait a few days when i feel abit better i hope . thanks for the trying to help .

[Annie0904]

You might be able to claim contributions based ESA?

---------- Post added at 14:03 ---------- Previous post was at 14:03 ----------

https://www.gov.uk/employment-suppor...e/how-to-claim

[KeeKee]

Whilst I have nothing much to say, I kind of understand how you are feeling. I have been this way for quite some time, I do have a partner and a 7 year old daughter but I am unable to work. My partner works part time and because of this I am not entitled to any help money wise (although we do get housing benefit). We can't afford new clothes, to go on days out, basically anything that isn't essential. We have 3 cats and were basically told that we feed them crap (from the Vet) as we feed them 'commercial' cat food. So now I feel guilty that my cats are getting 'crap', my daughters childhood is boring beyond belief, mam can never play, mam is always crying/shouting/in a world of her own. My partner works part time simply to pay the bills as he has no spare income either (we can afford Internet and phones but have no paid TV or home phone). I feel like my life is one big joke. I NEED a job but there are no part time jobs that aren't working directly with customers. I feel helpless, worthless and I am slowly becoming nothing.
I just want you to know you are not alone. I too tried 3 different antidepressants 2 of which caused weight gain which brought yet more self esteem issues. I am now med free, trying to cope with being a failure. My neighbours no longer speak to me (no particular reason I must just come across as moody), going to the school us absolute hell and I can see no end in sight.
I have a fear of dying too which some days makes me cry just thinking about it.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Of course you can call me Terry, Chris. Its my real name, I just couldn't think of a decent user name when signing up so added the the bit before...or maybe I was watching My Name Is Earl and subconsciously just did it

Its worth looking into and using the link Annie has supplied because there could be something out there for people who's employers don't have salary protection packages. There is a charity that you can fill your details into that does searches on this thread http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=157137 or maybe such as MA or the CAB?