Never felt this bad please can anyone help...??

[Ollie28]

Im afraid im going to be in hospital for christmas ive become so ill,

The last couple of days ive become even worse, i now feel like im going crazy 24/7, not think i might but physically feel the feelings are so intense, i become more detatched from myself and my family. I mentally feel lost and like i have no connection to life no more. It dosnt help that my memory and awarness and clarity are terrible so i dont even get satisfaction out of anything no more, when i look at my children i dont take it in i dont feel nothing.
I feel like im no longer part of my family i feel like im no longer party of anything. Im really struggling 24/7 now, frustration is high because u know its happening to me and i cant get out if it i feel powerless, anger is creeping in i lost it last night and went crazy for a minute, im scared I'm slowley losing my mind its that bad, ive never been one to cry, moan or sulk but i feel so bad so ill im debating taking myself to hospital away from my family.

Im trying my best to get through each day but each day is a mental and emotional battle! Im fighting through each day i have for 12 months solid and im drained.

Sunday was so bad i just stared and stared and could not lift my head, mood or thoughts i was so bad i started to panic,i couldnt think outwards i cant do it. I mentally feel trapped n lost. my wife took me out and i cried out of frustration next thing it lifted and for about 2 hours i felt amazing, i could think & feel normal i even felt the feeling of excitment for christmas! Later on it just went.

Whats happening to me!!!!?

I feel lost, no motion in my life, no ideas, no attatchment, no love, no outwards thinking power, i have to try to think normal instead of my brain just being open and free and doing it. Feel like im going crazy really bad its making me feel like freaking out and shouting for help.

What can i do please someone help me.

---------- Post added at 08:30 ---------- Previous post was at 08:23 ----------

I scared my children i scared my wife they were all in tears but yet i felt nothing or any regret i just felt alive like my body wont relax and feel anything,

My body and brain wont relax my brain wont shut up or switch off.

I feel tense 24/7 even when i go sleep i keep talking in my head! I wake up like my brains been awake all night.

I just want my old self and life back.

I need me back asap before i lose everything.

[Nampop]

Oh ollie,feel so,so,so sorry for u,please go and see a doctor Asaph,I've not got depression but bad anxiety with feelings of fear tha come and go,I feel I'm going mad but trying to hold it together for sake of my husband and boys,have a good read at things on here,it will help,just knowing u r not alone helps a bit,take care x

[Annie0904]

Ollie, you are not going crazy, you are ill and it takes time to recover. I was in the same place as you a couple of years ago and I agree it is the most horrible feeling but you will get better. Accept that it is anxiety and know that you need the time to get well.
What help are yo getting at the moment? Are you on any medication and/or therapy?

[Ollie28]

I went to see my dr last week for help with my sleep he wouldnt proscibe anything because im having tests for not breathing in my sleep proper. Apnia is it called? I seen a psychatrist a month or so back he prascribed me trazadone to help with sleep but they dont do anything, i started on 100mg, ive tried 300mg but now currently taking 200mg per night.
I just want something thats going to help me & my mind get a good nights rest it might help, i told him i dont want to take 200mg of a anti depressant just to help get me sleep ild rather just have sleeping tablets, the trazadone - There not helping at all. Im that bad i cant make sense out of life im everywhere in my head.
Ive been told its dissociation disorder after a stressfull event i went through but its so bad now im desperate for help.

Im trying my best to live a normal life its impossible, im struggling to live any life at all -
I panic because i cant get away from it its my mind & body,
I feel like im trapped away from everyone i love and need, im scared il never hold my wife and kids again feeling normal, or my kids will grow up without me in there lives.

I keep telling myself im not crazy i will get better one day but what im exoeriencing is so intense i cant find a way out i cant think clear i cant get straight im having rushing thoughts, really bad intrusive thoughts and really bad feelings of intense crazyness, its so bad i just want to hide away,
My mind feels like its pulling me away from eveyone one and thing and im fighting to be normal.

How long did it take you to get to a stage where you felt happy again? What sort of things did you do to help recover?

I was off work for 6 months it made me worse, i come back to work about 4 months ago im judt about making it through each day the best i can, im really struggling but i need to keep my family going financially i cant see them struggle.

If i stay at home i get lost in my mind and time i lose my sense of me its horrible!! I dread weekends and i dread being on my own.
I have to keep busy but at the same time im not getting no where,

These feelings lift slightly every now and then il feel better not amazing but better its like something has clicked in my brain and i feel ok then it goes,

Im in and out of something something i feel i have no control over when its bad its really bad, i just want out of this hell now.

Thanks for your help! x

---------- Post added at 12:33 ---------- Previous post was at 12:12 ----------

Most of the time im not aware of my presence, i dont know what i doing or feel
what it is im ment to be doing, i just have to
Walk around without a idea,

Im finding my mind wont let me think outwards, i cant get any ideas or thoughts being produced outwards so lets say you wonder off in your own mind about what your children might be doing at school, wife/husband at work i cant do that. If i want to yhink about them i have to close my eyes relax a sec and then try, they or anything dosnt come to my mind either so i can go all day without the thought entrering my mind so its as if they dont exist. If they do by chance i have to act on it otherwise within seconds that awareness has gone,

If someone enters your mind you might think oh il ring them and thstvawaresss is there to ring them so you act upon it, its that awareness i missing nearly 24/7 but i know how i should be feeling and thinking i just cant!!! Then im dealing with all the other horrible crap too!

But like i said it will lift slightly that awareness comes back a little but then it all goes and im lef struggling,

Its feels like a part of my brain isnt working, can anyone relate to this?

I have to try to think outwards because it dosnt happen, when i try i cant it hurts! If my wife rings me if i try to have a normal outwards conversation with her i struggle! My mind and body tense up as if im locked inwards.

Its horrible, i feel suffacated

---------- Post added at 13:00 ---------- Previous post was at 12:33 ----------

This has happend alot to me....
Before this hit hard i was experiencing this for 15 minutes a day then it went but now it stops and seems to be the start of the cycle im going through...

Text to my wife .....

Felt ok about 75% normal last hour. Spoke to you left my job, driving back office and bang felt like someone has pulled a plug out - all my energy slowly drained out of me my eyes went blurry, my head and chest went tense and my legs numb, im hardly breathing too. Im not taking much in then il take dee breathes to catch up. This was what was happening them times in work when i was just suddly shutting down and could t do anything. Feel strange now n cant really breath,

Whats happening!? Is this anxiety?

I have no control over it happening, why in it or it going, it gets worse! Now im stuck to try figuer my way through the day with hardly no brain power. Feelings, awareness or memorie but i know irs happening to me!

8-(

Its frustrating!!!!

[Annie0904]

I can relate to what you are saying and like I said that was me over a year ago...How did I get better? By accepting the anxiety and not letting it take control of me. You have to do it in slow tiny steps. Exercise is really good for you...now I know that will be the last thing on your mind because it takes so much effort just to get out of bed. I started with a little walk out in the fresh air every day as fresh air is also very good for you. I was on medication (still am) I had CBT which helped a lot and intense psychotherapy. Ask your doctor if he can refer you for therapy as this will be a great help.
Don't feel guilty! It is easy for us to put guilt on ourselves for the burden we feel we are to our families. No need to feel it...it is an illness and you never asked to be ill. keep busy with a hobby. I started doing some craft work and that has helped me a lot.
Every time a negative thought pops into your head, change it to a positive one.
Look at this website and choose some of the work books to work through I can relate to what you are saying and like I said that was me over a year ago...How did I get better? By accepting the anxiety and not letting it take control of me. You have to do it in slow tiny steps. Exercise is really good for you...now I know that will be the last thing on your mind because it takes so much effort just to get out of bed. I started with a little walk out in the fresh air every day as fresh air is also very good for you. I was on medication (still am) I had CBT which helped a lot and intense psychotherapy. Ask your doctor if he can refer you for therapy as this will be a great help.
Don't feel guilty! It is easy for us to put guilt on ourselves for the burden we feel we are to our families. No need to feel it...it is an illness and you never asked to be ill. keep busy with a hobby. I started doing some craft work and that has helped me a lot.
Every time a negative thought pops into your head, change it to a positive one.
Look at these web sites and choose some of the work books to work through http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm
Also have a look at CBT4Panic which is free for NMP members http://ct-online-info.com

[debs71]

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment, Ollie. Trust me and others when we say YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY. This is anxiety at its worst, and it is a massive con artist as it fools us into thinking we are going to go insane...you won't, I promise you.

When anxiety reaches a peak, our minds go into protection mode. This is the spaced out and detached feeling that we have.....that feeling that we are losing touch with reality, but we are not. It is just that our brains are so overwhelmed by anxiety that it removes us from those sensations and feelings.

The first thing you MUST take heart in, is that you are very much still in the present, and very much still in touch with reality, because you are here, on the forum, telling us all how you are feeling, and knowing that these thoughts and sensations are not normal and frightening. An insane person DOES NOT KNOW that they are unwell or recognize these things as strange or abnormal.

The other thing which is classic to high anxiety is feeling panicked, overwhelmed and the inability to think straight or make a decision, feeling guilty...feeling trapped and helpless. All of these things you feel right now are anxiety....trust that. Everything you have typed is like a record of my own experience with anxiety, word for word. All the things you describe, I have had too, and I would bet that most other members here with GAD have had the same.

Please know this - it is ENTIRELY possible to rid yourself of these horrendous feelings and symptoms, be it through medication, therapy or just plain TIME, preferably all three. I have been where you are now, and you can recover.

Please seek further advice from your doctor. I am not convinced that you are on the most suitable med for you. I take Cipralex (Escitalopram) an SSRI med which purely increases the serotonin in the brain, and has helped me HUGELY with my GAD and panic attacks. I started with depression, but this developed into severe anxiety, and that is more my issue now. I felt all the same things as you Ollie, and I can strongly recommend these meds. Many GAD sufferers have to try more than one med to find a resolution and the help they need.

I strongly agree with Annie. Do not allow the anxiety to gain power and convince you that you cannot get rid of it. You can! Positive thinking is key....so is distraction, and -as much as you - maintaining a sense of normality in terms of occupational stuff, keeping busy, going for a walk, playing games on the PC, watching a DVD, anything that takes the focus from the anxiety.

Don't give up or lose hope. You can feel better and gain yourself back again.

[natalie5555]

i have the exact same thing I've had dr/dp for years and im only 24. I worry about my health and have panic disorder too. I feel numb to things all the time and depressed etc. There are some books for derealisation on amazon that u can buy which tell u how to help yourself i bought 1 recently. Hang in there ive had a bad day today, you are not alone! You get some weird intense feelings that u cant even explain with dr and panic! Distraction is the best thing u can do with dr and healthy diet too

[gregcool]

Ollie sorry to hear you are having such a bad time with your mental health,i can relate to what you are saying,the exact thing hapend to me 18 months ago in all the detail you have described,to the letter,it just crept up on me then bang,everything you have said,i went through,i didnt have any support in my life ,you need to goto your doctor for help and sit down with your wife and kids if there old enough,and tell them you are not well and do not meen to behave the way you are towards them,tell your wife how you are feeling and reasure her you do love her and your kids and need help and with her support,it just may help you,get to the doctors and see what he can offer to help,pm me anytime mate if you want to chat,iv been there in your shoes,
Greg

[Annie0904]

Greg as I was reading Ollie's post I was thinking about you and how similar it is. Hugs to you both

[Ollie28]

Let me start off by saying a thank you to you all,

....Thank you!!!

Nampop - im exactly the same, im trying to not take notice of anything im going through & despite the intense crazy feelings and thoughts i put myself through each day the best in allowed, i dont want to lose my family, career ect, its just so intense these feelings im having. Litrally my train of thought is everywhere - one minute im leaving my family home i need to battle it on my own its not on them, it my problem im not bringing them down with me (thats the proud side of me 2 minutes later im panicking really bad i dont want to be alone, then 2 minutes later im calm & i think ive worked it all out then next thing il figuer out im thinking in a certain way then whoa!!! Il feel an intense crazy feeling that scares me plus im feeling how i do, i dont know how to get away from it in trying to face it i mean i have to i cant just walk away from it it because it is me that too scares me!! How do i escape what skills or technques if any? Im getting the feeling its out of my control im having to just go through what ever my mind and body put me through im not in charge.

Hi annie.
My medication is only trazadone but that was more to help knock me out or turn my mind off at night, other than that im not taking anything.
Ive not been given no help tbh, my wife has been my shoulder to lean on but im putting huge stress on her with my symptoms and frustration. Im
Destryoing her life but she tells me everday she loves me and wont leave me to struggle,
Im suposed to be starting some therapy soon (3rd therapist) other 2 didnt have a clue. This next one was only by luck too hes ment to be experienced in dissociation.
I tried cbt but was so bad i could barley take a word in she was telling me so she said i needed a higher level of therapy, the higher level was worst than cbt! She said i need to see a neurologist! So was let go by her! Im still waiting to see a neurologist, i was in pain alot too but these have since died away. So basically im no where! Hoping this other therapist can help.

I find im having to tell myself to say things, look at things, its like im not me im not here im lost. Like im stuck in my head 24/7 stuck like this.
If i sit still and just be how my brain wants me to il disapear so im telling myself do this look there say this, so im constantly stuck in my own mind like im hypo aware of myself and my actions im, this is how i get stuck when that cycle starts i had earler so for the next how many days il be stuck like this then it will ease away il feel normalish for 10 minutes then i feel it coming and il end up back like i am.

I know its anxiety related i just dont know what to physically or mentally do to stop it happening.

I think alot of it is psycological, my childhood was horrible, my wife & kids are my life they were taken from me through no fault of my own i was made ro
Leave the family home i panicked everyday and went though some horrible things some deep horrible thinking basically my wirst nightmare was happening and to me it feels im still stuck or my mind is still stuck in that trauma. Its strange.
Exercise dose help though your right, football helped me. Ive always been active, ive played semi pro & local football all my life but this has stopped me. I now play on a monday 5 a side and the first time i played the next day i felt great i could think clear and felt more me.

Hi debs.
Thanks for your kind words and re assurance, i keep telling myself that i wouldnt be aware if i was crazy, only thing thats actually stopping me from going the hospital despite how bad i do feel.
I try to keep occupied but i just cant escape this feeling or my own head like im so so so aware of myself & thoughts im on manual everything goes through me conciously before its done or thought of so like im double thinking,

I need to see the dr about new medication too with the anxiety, i had a very bad reaction to setraline so bad i was screaming on my hands and knees it felt like i was losing my mind physically!!! Like my brain was being fried, possibly why im so bad now but cant prove it,

If it was dp i could cope with feeling strange its more than feeling dream like i feel so much more worse 24/7, i dont even get rest when im asleep.
Il look in to picking up some books though. I read paul davids at last a life is it called, i couldnt take in anything but what i did take in i coudnt relate too,

I know im not able to think straight but when i get them few moments i know its anxiety /psycological related i just dont know how to get out or away from it.

Thanks again to you all xxxxx

---------- Post added at 20:22 ---------- Previous post was at 19:58 ----------

...physically my mind and body feel tense and alive or mega aware 24/7 they wont relax or shut off, my whole perception is tense, it feels like my body needs to drop relax and my mind relax and then il drop back in to the right side of my thoughts or back on automatic, normal. Instead im all tense my minds all tense and im on manual.

If that make sense??

How do people work feeling so bad? Im struggling so bad im thinking of leaving after christmas but i know it wont help but im struggling the way i am so might not have a choice.