Hi Sean, first off just to kill two birds with one stone let me say thanks for the reply you left on my thread. It gave me a nice little boost
Secondly i can totally relate about your dad. Mine was very similiar right down to the scaring part and ive also been told by a therapist that i cant cope with the strength and scaryness of my emotions and thoughts. Last night (almost 2 years after she told me) i had a little breakthrough about that. Hard to put into words but i finally got it and practiced mindfullness to ride out the rollercoaster so to speak.
Have you checked out the cbt4panic books you can get through this forum? They are very good and i would highly recommend them as they help you understand some things and give great tools for working through them.
Thirdly just from what you wrote i dont think your agoraphobia is all that mysterious. Lets look at the facts: youve had several big panics "out of town" and that has understandebly caused you to worry about going far from home. Even if the worry is subconcious. Circe de soleil is an easy one: i know lots of people who get freaked out by their shows. Just thinking about all the crazy aerial acrobatics is turns my stomach
Same about the presentation, perfectly common cause for anxiety.
My two cents is read up on cbt and mindfullness and when youve armed yourself with a little knowledge practice going out of town. Im not sure how doable that is but maybe start with little shopping trips to a nearby town with a friend? And if you panic on one on of those trips then good! Perfectly good opportunity to practice and see that actually you will come to no harm. I know that that is a tough one and i struggle with it every day but it really is the key: experience the panic and come out the other side. And just as a sidenote it turns out my recent setbacks with exposure were due to my meds. Im coming off now and all the darkness is going away. Before that my exposure was really working well and tomorrow ill be right back out there with my jelly legs and floating head learning that actually im perfectly safe.
At any rate the thing i would really like to press home is dont beat yourself up about it! From where i sit your condition is not that debilitating and with some time and patience i think you can beat it!