Struggling after psychologist diagnosed depression

[wabbit1]

Over the past 18 months I have been receiving some treatment for anxiety problems, however I have been struggling for years and years but only admitted that there was a problem 18 months ago.

Anyway in June this year things had taken a turn for the better. My mood was improving, I was much happier and actually enjoyed life. After a few appointments with a psychologist I was discharged which I was happy with. 3 weeks later everything went on a downward spiral. There was no obvious cause but things are not good and I have been signed off work for the first time. I feel like a failure.

I went back to the GP and he asked for the psychologist to get in touch again and luckily I didn't really have to wait. I had my first appointment after being discharged on Friday and figured I have to be as open and honest as possible so I took a list with me which summed up all the thoughts/feelings I had. It was probably the most honest I have been. She read through it and said that what I had written suggested not only anxiety but that I am very depressed. This kind of knocked me slightly and I don't know why. I have never thought of myself as being depressed, I just thought my low mood was as a result of the anxiety. The appointment scared me as she said I had obviously had some thoughts of ending it all, I managed to persuade her I was in no immediate danger and that if I was I would contact somebody.

She's going to send me some information through the post and I have another appointment 3 weeks today. I have been off work for about 2 weeks and got signed off for another 2 weeks today, I said I wanted to go back before the Christmas holidays.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I live on my own but could go to my parents'. Although at my parents' I can feel more alone as I feel like I am on the outside looking in, whereas up here I have more people I can call on if I need help and who know my situation.

Not really sure who I am talking to I just needed to get this out.

I'm down but not out!!

[MrAndy]

Hello Wabbit
if you overcame it once before you can do it again are you now off medication ? maybe going back on would help.Having time on your hands is hard work when you are either anxious or depressed,have you got any close friends who can support you.

[lior]

Hey wabbit.
We all have different experiences of things. Do you believe that you are depressed? They are assigning a label to you which you might not feel comfortable with, and you don't have to accept it. You can tell them that you are not, if you don't believe that you are.

However, I will say that they can help you with specific symptoms, whatever label you have. I don't fit with everything my therapist thinks of as the depressed condition, but she has helped with various symptoms.

The first time I had to admit that I was depressed was the hardest. I kind of knew it but I was in denial. There is a huge stigma attached to depression so I didn't want to believe that I was one of the people that suffered from it. But I am sure that your experience is different from mine.

I have found that focusing on doing things I enjoy really helps with my depression. Over time I'm wearing it down (I hope), even though it seems to be taking a long time. In the meanwhile, I try to do things which are good for me - seeing friends, eating well, getting the right amount of sleep, going to yoga. Where do you feel that your lifestyle is the most enjoyable - with your parents or where you are now?

[kristaok]

Hello Wabbit, I'm sorry you are going through this.

Ever tried medication? It may help. What about reading? Any hobbies?

Depression DOES get better, at the time it feels like it will last forever but trust me it gets better. I know its hard to believe that... I've been depressed to the point that I've cut myself and have taken pills before... I'm glad I'm okay and here, if I would have ended it I wouldn't have met my amazing husband, and my daughter that we have now.

Don't give up, even in the storm the Son is always shining. Stay strong and don't give up hope.

[wabbit1]

I think, TBH, that the reason I'm struggling is because she is right. I've just never accepted it.

I never stopped taking the medication, and my dosage was upped when things started to go downhill. I go running but that was not helping me, any exercise classes just made me feel awful.

Well today I've made an effort to eat properly and even went back to my running club despite everything telling me not to. It was good to get out there and for the first time in ages I was able to switch off.

Now though I just feel so down.

[b0yer]

I think, TBH, that the reason I'm struggling is because she is right. I've just never accepted it.

I never stopped taking the medication, and my dosage was upped when things started to go downhill. I go running but that was not helping me, any exercise classes just made me feel awful.

Well today I've made an effort to eat properly and even went back to my running club despite everything telling me not to. It was good to get out there and for the first time in ages I was able to switch off.

Now though I just feel so down.

One day at a time. One day at a time. The running will definitely help you. It may take some time, but it can release feel good hormones.

Just focus on doing what makes you feel good and in time the bad days will start to diminish and you will have better days. May I ask what meds you are on?

[Sunflower2]

When I was first told I was suffering from depression it really took me back as well. I've just never been a down type of person so I found it difficult to accept. Although it did mean how I felt made sense! I've found that a bunch of mental health conditions merge into each other.. So I guess the diagnosis is less important that the treatment you get to make you feel better.

[wabbit1]

I am on sertraline.

A friend came round to visit, made me feel I'm not totally alone. I told her that I think of ending it all but don't believe I'll ever act on it. Her reaction shocked me, she found that quite upsetting that I had considered it. I just feel like I'm nothing to other people so for someone else to react like that showed me someone does care.

I'm still waiting on information from the psychologist.

[MrAndy]

Your life is as important as the next person,ending it all is a permanent fix to a temporary problem
In other words you can and will recover from this just have a little faith

[wabbit1]

Your life is as important as the next person,ending it all is a permanent fix to a temporary problem
In other words you can and will recover from this just have a little faith

I do like that sentiment, I just need to believe the temporary part.

Today is the 3 year anniversary of when my aunt commit suicide. I just keep thinking about everything she has missed over the past 3 years and there have been good times.