Coming off meds!

[hurting]

Hi,

Dont really know where to start, I have been on many different medication over the last six years and havnt really found that any of them helped. My gp's answer to this is just to keep taking them and they MIGHT work in the end. At the moment she has me on Duloxatine 60mg (sp) and sleeping tablets for when I tend to force myself to stay awake for days. She has told em that after the Duloxatine's there isnt much more she can offer me cos iv been on most of the other groups of meds. One propblem I have is that I cant have more than a weeks supply at any one time because I overdose a lot and my doctor knows this so her way protecting me is not to give me too much medication.

I have lsot the reason for this post now, im rambling on, basically I have stopped taking my medication without notifying my gp, she has told me im never to do this cos the suicide risk increases when you do this and as im highly suicidal I shouldnt do it the risk is too big. But I have, I have not taken them for about a week now, apart from feeling on edge sometimes and scared, im ok . I feel more relaxed, I feel like im coping better without them, I can think better.

But im scared that this is just cos its the start, that im going to go crazy when they are totally out of my system. I made the decsion to do this alone, to get better on my own, so this meant leaving my old support site, stopping all my meds, refusing to see the gp, and just do it alone.

All last year I kept telling myself that I would kill myself this month, that I cant go on anymore and I chose a day in this month purely cos it will be the same day my gran passed away. But now that isnt in my mind, I dont want to kill myself, but im scared incase my mind is doing all this ready for me to kill myself, so it will know I will be at my weakest point without meds etc. So when it wants me to go it will push me over the edge. I m scared that the feeling ok part of me is just my mind playing tricks with me and that is the calm before the storm kinda thing.

Sorry this post is so long, just wondering if anyone had any views on this, whether they are good or bad views i dont care, just need some advice really.

Thank you

Tanya x

[samc100]

Hi hurting

Please promise me one thing - on the day your Gran passed away please be with someone you care about. Do something fun together that your Gran would laugh about.

It is so good you are fighting the horrible thoughts.

I should think at present it is all blurry whilst in the transition of coming off your meds. I do think you should speak to your Dr ( won't they notice your non-appearance for more tablets?). Even if it is just a note to inform them what you are doing and how you are. Then if you need to go back you can do so worry free.

Are you getting any councelling?

[hurting]

Hey,

Thank you for the reply.

My Dr wont notice im not collecting my meds until she looks in my file, and she wont need to do that until I make an appt, and I cant make an appt, I told myself I would do this with no help from them people.

I have seen counsellors and psychologists and psychiatrists in the past but none of them have been able to help me, they just get annoyed at the way I am, they try to help fair play to them but I dont listen. Not that I dont want to get help its just I dotn agree with what they do.

In a way im scared of when it comes to the day that my gran left, but in another way im looking forward to it just to see how my n=mind will cope with it, its been six years now so the day and everything is the same this year. I just dont know whether im getting better and I dont need anyone, or if im seriously getting worse and shutting everyone out and my mind is telling me that im ok so I dont allow anyone to get close.

I dont know?????

[samc100]

That's an interesting thought of the almost looking forward to your Gran's anniversary to see how you react. Like a challenge. That seems to me to be a positive response.

I'd love to have some sound advice but we'll have to hope someone comes along. But I do feel time will tell if you are improving or sliding down. You seem to feel in control and happier in yourself and coping without the meds and aren't they all good things?

Please try not to worry yourself too much.

[hurting]

Thank you for your reply again hun,

I have to look at it all in a positive way I suppose, its the only way I will get through it. I know that only time will tell if im getting better or worse, sometimes I can go six or seven months with being ok , then it will hit me hard. So I guess its just a waiting game for the next time to come.

Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it

Take care

Tanya